Naruto's Secret
by Cerebella Kennor
Summary: Naruto had a secret. It was sly, cunning, and actually intelligent of him; so, it was quite unlike him and nobody would believe it. What happens when you start to become the person you're pretending to be and lose sight of your own identity? Boundaries are crossed and lies are told - but they always say that there's a grain of truth in every lie. KakaNaru in a convoluted way.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Naruto had a secret. It was sly, cunning, and actually intelligent of him; so, it was quite unlike him and nobody would believe it. See, when Naruto was a child and people shopped for him, life was adequate. Oh, sure, his clothes were always a little worn and the colours faded and the patterns a bit, well, hideous. But they kept him covered and warm, and he didn't have to worry about buying them, so there was nothing to complain about there. His food was also adequate. Some things might have been a bit stale, but they were edible, acceptable. Not gourmet, but he never went hungry so he didn't complain.

But then everything changed. He was thrown out of the orphanage when he entered the Academy and suddenly he had to shop for himself. That's when all the problems started. When he bought his first set of clothes after having outgrown or outworn his last, they were wretched. They had holes and stains; and when they weren't just plain shit, he had to pay a fortune for them. He paid ten times the advertised price for anything that was in good condition or new. That's when he found his orange jump suit, which had been a bit big on him at the time, but had cost only a fraction of what he would normally have had to pay for something in such great condition – even if the colour was eye-gouging and certainly not suited for a ninja. He had to make sacrifices to be warm and look – well, look alright, if not completely stupid. So his clothes were awful, but as long as he bought things that would get the average ninja killed from the bold colours, or things that were no longer in style twenty years ago, he could make due.

His food, on the other hand, became something to be dreaded. Mouldy bread, expired milk, broken eggs, bruised fruits and vegetables. He got what no one else wanted because it was either bad or ruined. He tried to make the best of it, but during his first year in the Academy he nearly starved because he didn't want to have to eat something bad and get sick again. He was missing too many classes as it was, what with being kicked out or beaten up.

Naruto hadn't realized that these problems were only _his_ problems. He'd thought that maybe everyone else might have gotten bad milk every once in a while; that maybe advertized prices were normally false. Oh, he knew he had it bad, don't think him entirely stupid, but he'd always sort of thought that _someone_ had to wound up with those clothes or that expired food. It wasn't until a year after he started living on his own that he finally opened his eyes – and it was all thanks to the Academy that he did.


	2. Observation Skills

**Observation Skills**

On one warm, sunny day when Naruto was eight, the kids in the Academy were unbearable. They were loud, rowdy, and wouldn't listen to their sensei. So sensei screamed at them and threw chalk at their heads until they settled down. Then sensei had said that real ninja were quiet – and if they weren't quiet, then they were still aware of their surroundings. A real ninja wouldn't have gotten hit with a piece of chalk because he or she would have known where everyone was, what they were doing, and what they were likely to do. Sensei said that you could even predict people's actions based on the way they acted normally. Ninja would be able to tell you, after having observed someone for a single day, how they would act around different people and what they would do in certain situations.

Naruto thought that this was a little weird. How could you predict someone's actions? No one that _he_ knew could read minds – not even the Old Man Hokage could do that! But then he had an epiphany as his classmates' parents came to pick them up. Their parents were glaring at Naruto – but they were smiling and laughing with everyone else. This wasn't anything new, Naruto knew, but it wasn't until now that he realized that _he_ was the only person they did such things to. They might have gotten angry at someone else's kid for doing something mean or stupid, but _never_ would they have glared and snarled spiteful things to that child. It was only Naruto who received this hate.

In the village it was the same thing. Customers were greeted with smiles and with hospitality. Naruto was greeted with glares and suspicion. As he paid for his groceries he realized that he was the only one overpaying. He was the only one receiving spoilt goods. It was him, all him, and only him. They didn't act this way around other people. It was just Naruto.

Naruto had a thought which occurred after this realization. What if Naruto wasn't Naruto? What if they thought he was somebody else? If he were disguised, then they wouldn't know it was him and he would be treated just like everyone else. The only problem was, he didn't think he could disguise himself well enough. He'd tried something like that before, with a prank, but they knew who he was immediately because of his hair, face, and whiskers. No hood or mask could really hide that.

The Academy helped him with this problem, too. That year they were supposed to learn Henge no Jutsu. Apparently that jutsu turned you into somebody else. Naruto was kind of lost about the whole thing because he missed so many classes, but once he realized that such a thing could be utilized for a disguise and not just for passing his exams, he decided to learn it. So after he was kicked out of class (and wasn't that strange, that he was kicked out of class the moment they were supposed to learn about the jutsu?), he snuck around to the open window and listened. He heard the teacher's explanation and the hand sign – he thought he was missing something from the hand sign portion, since he was only able to hear one of them, but he understood the rest. Do a hand sign, use your chakra, and change into someone or something else.

At first it was really hard. He passed out a few times because he was training too much – and he vaguely thought he might have been using too much chakra or something – but eventually (a couple months later) he was able to Henge no Jutsu. He could turn into whoever he wanted. It was cool being taller, he thought, because then he could reach things he usually couldn't and he could be just as tall or taller as his year mates.

Practicing his Henge and getting the right identity was a little trickier. The first few times he went out, he just pretended to be someone else, someone that he'd seen before. Like sensei. The problem with that, though, was that he'd very nearly run into his sensei. It was a close call, and people began asking sensei questions and then ANBU came and looked around. So impersonating other ninja – or other civilians – was a bad idea if he didn't want to be in a lot of trouble.

He had to create an entirely new person. At first he'd wanted to be a tall, bulky, strong and cool-looking man. But then he'd been followed and gazed at with suspicion. Nobody liked intimidating men. They were always watched. He'd tried being a smaller, meeker-looking man, but then he was teased and once even punched for being a "pussy" when he wouldn't fight back against his bullies. The ANBU even came out to stare at him, so that idea was scraped right away. He was doing this to get away from being treated badly. But being a man was difficult. People expected things of you if you were a man. Like, Naruto should be strong. He should be able to help that old lady carry her heavy dresser down into the basement. The problem was, Naruto wasn't strong. He was only eight years old, and no matter how real the muscles felt beneath his fingers, he just didn't have the strength.

So he did a complete one-eighty for his new disguise. He began building this new person hesitantly, nervously. He decided to pretend to be a girl. It was a disaster, to tell the truth. His body proportions were way off and people thought he was retarded or something.

After that, he hadn't wanted to be looked at with pity, so he'd tried something entirely different. He became a beautiful bombshell. He'd had long red hair, green eyes, huge breasts, a tiny waist, and thin hips. The only thing _that_ persona taught him was that Konoha was full of perverts who flirted and groped and treated sexy women as objects for relieving their lust – and for their hatred, in the case of jealous women.

Eventually, he decided to spy on women. He watched them in the market, at parks, on dates. The thing he noticed most was that women wanted to be beautiful. A few of them wouldn't put any effort into their appearance, and others would spend hours beautifying themselves – but there were some who put only a little effort into their looks. They dressed well enough, they were clean, some wore make-up, others didn't, but the thing they had in common was that they didn't make beauty their top priority despite their obvious desire to be seen as beautiful. Naruto liked these women best.

Another thing he found was that women wanted to have men – or even other women, as he saw – dote on them and care for them. Even the strongest kunoichi wanted to be taken care of every once in a while. So while women could be strong or weak, they enjoyed a kind of balance that Naruto found men didn't have. Men always had to be strong, or always had to be weak. There didn't seem to be a happy medium.

Naruto decided on being average. He'd fought with himself about this for a long time, but he decided that the best way to make up a new persona in a ninja village was to have her be someone noticeable and forgetful at the same time. If he was too noticeable, he'd attract all kinds of attention and eventually he could be discovered. If he was too forgetful, then he'd be noticed right away by the ninja – they were trained for this sort of thing. Thus he became an average girl. He made his hair red to catch attention, but made his face forgettable with its plain features – features which were more or less based on what he imagined he'd look like when he was older. Brown eyes added to the plainness he seemed to exude. He became five foot six, a little taller than normal, but not too tall as to attract a lot of attention. The thing that took the longest to decide was his body. In a way he'd wanted to have a great body – something people would admire – but in another way he'd rather not deal with the sort of attention he learned such bodies attracted. He gave himself a small waist, medium-sized breasts, and hips that were a little wider than his torso – a pear-shape, he heard women call it. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he thought that he was kind of pretty, but not really. He was okay-looking, all-in-all. Not fat, not skinny, a little curvaceous on his bottom half, he supposed, which made him a bit attractive – but he was forgettable, average. He was someone you'd see and think of as pretty only in moments when happiness shone through, otherwise just plain. But not plain enough for someone to think he was an enemy ninja in disguise. His hair made sure he drew some attention, but the rest of him made people shrug.

When his new persona made her debut, all went well. People looked and then looked away. No one lingered on her. Thinking he had succeeded, Naruto went into a ninja clothing and weapon store and began looking around, feeling peaceful for once. He thought he'd made it, but then his sensitive ears picked up a conversation in the front of the store. The owner was speaking to a clerk in quiet tones, talking about her. Naruto thought he heard something about chakra usage and there was suspicion in the owner's voice, mentioning all the disguised ninja that had been seen around Konoha recently. _Oops_, Naruto thought. He'd made the Old Man increase ANBU security, apparently. In a mild state of panic – thinking about what would happen to him if the Old Man found out that Naruto had made him think there was a breach in security – Naruto grabbed a black pair of ninja pants in a size that he thought would fit his persona and walked into the changing room as though he hadn't heard anything.

What was he going to do? They'd find out he was wearing a Henge – they'd _know_ who he was, and then they would kick him out and make sure to check for Henge every time someone new or suspicious came in! He needed to distract them – but how? He couldn't pull a prank on them, because that would just make them angrier. He had to pretend to hide something else, draw their attention elsewhere. Sensei had talked about that the other day, of distraction techniques. He'd said something about giving something small away. But Naruto didn't have anything to hide aside from _everything_, so what could he do? What did women usually want to hide? Some pretended to have bigger breasts, but Naruto didn't want bigger boobs. Others hid disfigurations, like scars. He supposed they hid acne, too, but they used make-up for that and Naruto didn't have any – wait. He didn't have any make-up – he wasn't wearing any. What if he had a... a... what did they call them? A zit! What if he had a huge zit on his face and he didn't want anyone to know about it, but didn't have any make-up to cover it up so he used a Henge instead?

With that thought in mind, Naruto made another Henge over his face, adding an ugly, red-looking pimple and then covering it up with another Henge. He walked out of the change room and went back to the clothes rack, looking at the other sizes and wondering if he should buy some in his own size. Black pants wouldn't be a bad idea, but they didn't seem to have any kids' size pants. He supposed he could just buy some for when he was older – that way they'd have trouble tracing the sale back to him. So he picked out three pairs of black pants and shirts that would fit him by the time he graduated the Academy.

"Excuse me, Miss?" the owner asked.

"Yes?" Naruto answered, trying to keep the quiver out of his voice.

"Take off your genjutsu."

"My genjutsu? I'm not using genjutsu."

"If you don't take it off in two seconds, I'm going to alert the ANBU that they've found the intruder they've been looking for."

Naruto pretended to look nervous – nervous, _not_ scared. He released the Henge on the fake pimple and blushed as the owner's face turned from suspicious to grossed-out. The man stared at the puffy zit on Naruto's face for a couple of seconds before he realized he was staring and apologized profusely for having suspected anything of him. Naruto quickly put the Henge back up and tried not to laugh as the man apologized once more. But then he said something interesting: "You know, if you want to use a Henge properly without someone suspecting that you are, you just add this seal here, see? Then the chakra that normally shimmers around something like a Henge is immediately absorbed back into your system and you don't leave any traces behind."

"Really?"

"What, your genin sensei didn't teach you that?"

"Well, no," Naruto said, wondering what the hell a genin sensei was.

"I guess you weren't in subterfuge, huh?"

"No," Naruto said, again wondering what this guy was talking about.

"Teachers sure have slipped since the war. That sort of thing was taught in the Academy back in my day! Oh well, now you know."

"Thank you," Naruto said honestly. "I didn't really want to have to buy any make-up..."

The man laughed as though he'd said a joke and then asked: "What's your name?"

"My name?" Naruto wondered. This was something he hadn't covered before! He'd never thought that someone would ask for his name! He was supposed to be ignored! His mind spun around his head for a second before he blurted, "Tanaka Hisoka," and promptly slapped himself mentally for picking a name that meant "secret". There were loads of other names than "Hisoka" that he could have lived with that were less suspicious, but the owner seemed not to notice and merely rung up his purchases and wished him a good day.

That was the day Tanaka Hisoka was born. She was an average chunin of Konoha who was friendly with many store owners and clerks but didn't seem to have any close friends.


	3. Meeting

**Meeting**

The years went by. Naruto was now twelve, much older than he'd been when he first came up with the idea of pretending to be someone else. Tanaka Hisoka was now twenty and a well-known and well-liked figure among owners and clerks of stores. She was friendly and always had a smile for someone who'd had a bad day. Despite being friendly with many people, no one knew that Tanaka Hisoka was Naruto – and no one suspected it, either. After Reiji, the owner of the clothes and weapon store, had helped her out with her Henge, no one else had ever suspected her of using one. So she went about her chores, greeting the people who knew her and smiling at the strangers who recognized her and waved their greetings. Naruto had a hard time hating the village when he got to see it like this. Everyone was so nice to him when he was Tanaka Hisoka. He hated being Naruto.

There were days he wondered how it'd be if he could just pretend that Naruto was dead. He could fake his death and live his life as Hisoka. He actually preferred being a girl, too. He liked how his body looked and felt as a girl – or, well, a woman. And though it was horrible and perverted of him, he'd even touched himself a few times as a girl and it was very different from the time he'd done it as a boy. He didn't like doing it too often, but sometimes he would wake up and there would be a hardness he had to take care of. It was awkward and dirty and thankfully rare, but whenever that happened he would take on his female form and enjoy how relaxing it felt to take care of his problem as a girl, unlike the rough and tense jerking he had to do as a boy. Not to mention the embarrassing mess he'd make. Being a girl was just cleaner. And he thought that because he was always treated well when he was a girl that he was associating kindness to being feminine. Being a boy meant being Naruto, which always brought new injuries and heartache.

* * *

The first time he met Hatake Kakashi, the man had been wasted. It hadn't left a very good impression on Naruto.

Naruto was out taking a walk, enjoying the celebrations of October 10th as Hisoka. She didn't participate in any of them, earlier memories having marred the date for her, but she enjoyed seeing the villagers so lively. Everyone was having a good time, playing, laughing – or, nearly everyone was. She squinted in the distance as she spotted a man exit a bar while walking crookedly. His posture was slumped and his hands were thrust deep in his shinobi pants' pockets. Hisoka couldn't see the expression on his face, but the vibe he gave off was depressed. Though she felt oddly about it, she followed the ninja out of worry. She didn't like to see the people in her village upset because it always reminded her of how she was when she was Naruto. She didn't like thinking of Naruto, especially not when she was Hisoka.

When the man left the main road, she hesitated to follow, knowing that it could be a trap and an especially dangerous trap because the man was intoxicated. She followed anyway. As she turned the corner of the road, she gasped when a kunai met her throat and a voice growled in her ear, "Why are you following me?"

"I'm sorry, shinobi-san," she whispered, "but I was worried about you."

"Why?"

"You seem depressed."

"I seem depressed, so you just decided to follow a drunk, depressed ninja. Are you stupid?"

She choked out a laugh and agreed, "Sometimes I think I am."

"You're from Konoha? I don't see your headband, but you're obviously a ninja. You've got a lot of chakra," he said.

"Yes, I am. And if you don't believe me, then you can ask Reiji from _Shinobi Market_. I've been going there for years, and he knows me. Not that you can ask him now, 'cause it's closed, but if you still think I am in the morning, and you remember this, then you can ask and make sure that I'm not an enemy ninja or something—"

He eyed her for a while, making the two of them sway on the spot as he leaned on her, and then decided that she didn't seem to be a threat because the kunai disappeared and he pulled away. The second his weight was no longer leaning on her frame, he collapsed. He fell to the ground with a grunt and squinted up at her. Hisoka wondered how much he'd had to drink but decided it didn't matter. "Where do you live?" she asked.

"Why, so you can kill me?"

"Yeah, so I can kill you. I'll trouble myself with dragging your drunken butt home just so I can kill you in private. What do you _think_, shinobi-san? I'm going to take you home and you're going to sleep off the hang-over you'll no doubt have by tomorrow."

"Hm. That's nice of you."

She rolled her eyes but again asked, "Where do you live? If you don't want to tell me the apartment or house number, just tell me the district and block and I'll leave you there. Someone you know will be bound to run into you eventually and they'll take you home from there."

"District three, block seven, building nine, apartment two-hundred and five," the man said before abruptly falling asleep.

Hisoka stared in disbelief for a moment, wondering if he'd told the truth. But she did know that there were shinobi apartments there – jounin apartments, to be more specific. And for being drunk, the man sure had been alert. Having decided upon helping him, she lifted the man up onto her back and struggled down the road in the direction he had stated.

What felt like hours later, but was more like half an hour, she arrived at the apartment building. She sighed when she realized that she'd have to climb up to the second floor to deliver him in front of his door. But before she could open the door, someone shouted out for her to stop. A man with heavy eyebrows, a bowl-cut hairstyle, and who was wearing a green jumpsuit (the strangest man she'd ever seen, and that was saying something considering her mask-wearing, silver-haired companion) called out for her to stop.

"Has something happened to my Rival?" he asked. "Has he been hurt, does he need to go to the hospital?"

"Er, no, shinobi-san. He's just passed out drunk. I caught him on his way back before he passed out and got him to tell me where he lives. Do you know him?"

"Know him? He is my Eternal Rival, the hip Hatake Kakashi!" he cried.

"Uh-huh. Well, that's nice. Do you have a key to his apartment? It'd be better to put him to bed, but I don't have a key and I don't want to rummage around inside his pockets."

"Ah, you have such a youthful spirit! Helping a comrade in need!"

"Right. So you don't have a key then? I guess I'll just put him outside his door."

"Thank you for your kindness, lovely friend of Kakashi's! I shall take him home and put him to bed, as you recommend!"

"Thank you, shinobi-san."

"I am Maito Gai! What name shall I give to Kakashi when he asks who has saved him from a most unyouthful night on the street?"

"Eh! I'm Tanaka Hisoka. Thank you very much, Maito-san, for taking him off my hands. He's quite heavy, heh." Hisoka thanked the helpful shinobi, wished him a good night, and made her way home with an aching back.

* * *

The second time Naruto saw Hatake Kakashi, he saved Hisoka's life.

She was minding her own business, walking along toward the grocery store when she was yanked off the main road and dragged into a dark alley. She was shoved against a wall and hands surrounded her throat. She uselessly gasped for breath, trying to get her mind to catch up with what was happening. Finally she got over the shock of being attacked for the first time as Hisoka and fought back, slamming her hands into the man's ribs and kicking out his ankle. The man fell to the ground with a groan and she made to run out of the alley, but there were two others blocking her way. Both of them had weapons in hand and she finally noticed the scratched-out hitai-ate of Iwagakure. These men were ninja. She had never fought ninja before – she was only the twelve-year-old pre-genin Naruto, no matter the fact that she appeared to be a twenty-year-old chunin. She didn't even have any weapons on her! She'd been going to the grocery store!

Her eyes flew about her and she spotted a broom leaning against a crate. She quickly grabbed it and avoided getting hit with the kunai the men were throwing by hiding behind a dumpster. When one of the men jumped down at her from above, she stabbed the broom into his midsection and swung the bristled-side around to smash his face sideways against the brick of the building. His face met the wall with a _CRACK_ and he struggled to get back up. Hisoka hit him in the back of the head with the broom handle and watched as he slumped down to the ground.

The second man caught her by surprise and nicked her side with his blade as he stalked her from behind. Then the first man who'd attacked her thrust a kunai into her thigh and she yelped as it hit the muscle. Though she tried to hit them both with the broom, it seemed that they'd seen what she'd done to their teammate and knew how to avoid it. She stumbled backward, panic beginning to mount inside of her as she realized that she was injured and her opponents were much too strong for her to beat without surprise. "What do you want?" she demanded.

The ninja snorted at her, knowing that she was trying to distract them. "That's for us to know and you to find out."

The back of her thighs met with a wooden crate and she finally got an idea. She brought her hands together and created a bad genjutsu of there being more crates and Henged herself into a mouse while their attention was fixed on the wavy images of the other crates. She snuck into the real crate and crept out beside it and behind the others. With her speedy mouse feet she fled under the dumpster and out behind her opponents. She made sure to be beside a couple of the thrown kunai and transformed back into herself as they got rid of the lame genjustsu before them. She was able to throw a kunai at her first attacker before either realized what had happened. The man gurgled before falling down dead, blood dribbling out of his gaping mouth and out of the wound in the back of his throat. The other man spun around with rage and annoyance in his eyes and flew at her. She barely managed to duck out of the way and had been about to turn around when her leg gave a painful jolt and she stumbled and then tripped over the dead ex-Iwa ninja. Her enemy laughed and yanked her up by her hair, pressing a blade against her throat and telling her sweetly, "You know, we were supposed to kidnap you, but I think I'll just kill you and find someone else."

Hisoka gasped and tried to push the blade away from her throat as the man used his strength to overpower her. As the blade met her throat and was about to slice her open, the man was pulled harshly away and the blunt end of a kunai was slammed into the back of his skull.

"Good job, Tanaka-san."

"Eh!?" she sounded, still surprised that someone had come to her rescue – and that that someone had used her alias.

"ANBU-san, come and pick these guys up. One dead, two unconscious. Send them to TI, will you? I'll go inform the Hokage, and I'll bring Tanaka-san there to report."

The ANBU jumped down from the roofs and restrained the two living ninja. Then they carried the three bodies away and vanished across the roofs. Hisoka blinked and turned toward her rescuer. "Thank you, Hatake-san."

"Maa, don't mention it."

"No! Thank you – you... you saved my life!"

"Mhm," Hatake-san hummed before jumping onto the roof and looking at her expectantly.

But Naruto hadn't yet learned how ninja jumped from roof to roof. He'd seen some walk on walls and on water, but he'd yet to figure out how to do it. He was really close to getting it, but not nearly close enough to convince a jounin he could do it. Instead, Hisoka said, "Um, Hatake-san, I don't think I'll be able to do that tonight. My leg hurts too much. I'll walk and meet you there."

Rather than leave her, Hatake-san jumped down from the roof and admitted that he'd forgotten that she was injured. "You aren't making a big deal of it. How deep is that cut, anyway?"

"I think it hit the muscle," Hisoka admitted.

"Oh," Hatake-san sounded, though he looked at her with slight admiration. "I could carry you, if you want. Consider it retuning a favour, ne?"

She laughed a bit at that, but refused to let him carry her. "I'm fine. I can walk on my own, but it'll take a while since I'm sore."

"Here, let me help you," he said and then he slid her arm around his shoulder and took the weight off her wounded leg. They walked to the Tower like this.


	4. Affirmation

**Thanks for all the reviews, people! Seriously. It brings a smile to my face every time. :) Knowing people like my work is what makes it worth publishing. **

**Hokage's Aid**

It wasn't until they arrived that Naruto realized that the Hokage had never met Hisoka. He'd have no idea who the hell she was and he would probably think she was an imposter – _which she was_. Shit. Her mind was in a frenzy, churning with nightmares of what would happen and with disappointment. How would Hatake-san look at her if he knew she was Naruto? He would probably hate her even more and then tell everyone who would listen that Naruto had been pretending to be Hisoka, and then Hisoka would lose all of her friends and Naruto would go back to buying rotten food and horrid clothes. How could he let the Hokage know he was Naruto without giving it away to Hatake-san?

"The Hokage will see you," the secretary said with a respectful smile.

She'd _never_ smiled at Naruto like that. When they walked into the Hokage's office, Hisoka impulsively reacted as she always did when she walked into the office as Naruto. "Hey, old man! How's it going?"

Hatake-san stumbled in surprise, shock flitting across the visible portion of his face as he stared at her with disbelief. The Hokage, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes as he took in her appearance. Hisoka knew that the Hokage didn't recognize her – and now she'd made him suspicious by acting like someone he knew well. So she tried to let him know she was Naruto without saying it in those exact words.

"Thanks for the ramen card, Jiji! Pretty much used it up in the first week, heh!"

The Hokage's eyes widened and Naruto nodded, trying to convey that she was who the Hokage thought her to be. "Did you?" the Hokage asked. "I thought it'd last a month, not a week!"

"Yeah, well, it beats cooking, right?"

Sarutobi laughed as Hisoka quoted the line Naruto often used to convince the Hokage to take him out for ramen. "So what brings you here – and why are you injured? Is there someone I need to kill?"

Hatake-san looked a little nervous now, realizing that the woman he'd saved was apparently a friend of his leader. "Ne, Hokage-sama, she took care of the threat herself."

"Herself?" Sarutobi asked tersely.

"Hey, old man, have some faith in me! I can take care of myself, you know!"

"Yes, but I worry about you."

"If you worry about anything else, all your hair's gonna fall off and you won't even have any greys left!"

The Hokage snorted and then turned to Kakashi, signalling with his eyebrow that Kakashi should start with the report.

Hatake-san cleared his throat and began, "I'd gotten news from the ANBU that there was suspicious activity in district eight so I headed over there with them to begin the search. I heard the sounds of fighting from a couple streets away and headed in that direction. Tanaka-san had already manage to knock one out, kill another, and the third seemed to be about to harm her when I intervened. I knocked him out and ordered the ANBU to take them to TI. You should get the report as soon as they know why they were here – they were missing Iwa nin."

"Were they specifically looking for you?" Sarutobi asked, face tense with anger.

"I don't think so, Jiji," Hisoka said. "The dude said he'd just kill me and find someone else to kidnap since I gave them so much trouble. Well, he didn't say the trouble part, but I think that's probably why. Bit off more than they could chew and all that."

"What rank were they, Kakashi?" the Hokage wondered.

"Jounin."

"Jounin?" the old man asked in disbelief.

"Hey, I told you I was strong, old man!"

Hatake-san snorted at her enthusiasm, but had to agree: "She is. I think Takana-san could try out for jounin herself with a bit of extra training."

"I don't think she's ready for that yet," said the Hokage, eyes dancing with amusement as they met with the shocked brown eyes of his pseudo-grandson.

"As you wish, Hokage-sama."

"Is there anything else you'd like to add?" Sarutobi asked Naruto.

"I don't think so. I mean, it was really weird and I was definitely not expecting that. But I don't think they were after _me_ in particular, so you don't have to worry about that."

The Hokage sighed in relief and then said to Kakashi, "You're dismissed."

Hatake-san looked back at Hisoka before jumping out of the window. Hisoka had felt a strange fluttering in her stomach when the man eye-smiled at her when their eyes met. She didn't know what the hell that was about, though she thought faintly that she might be coming down from her adrenalin high.

"So, Naruto," the Hokage began, "do you want to explain this to me?"

"Heh," she said, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly.

"Take that Henge off, please."

"Right," she said, releasing the Henge and shrinking back into Naruto. "I'm not in trouble, am I gramps?"

"No. In fact, I'd say you did something wonderful if it weren't for your disguise."

"Really? You mean, like a real ninja?"

The Hokage smiled softly, "Yes, Naruto, like a real ninja. Now please tell me why you're in such a disguise. Was it for a prank?"

"Well... sort of."

The old man frowned.

"But not like you think, Jiji! I just... I noticed that everyone else is treated differently than I am, so I thought, 'What if I'm not Naruto?' So I tried to be someone else, and no one acts the same way around me when I'm Hisoka. They're all nice and friendly and no one glares at me at all! I don't have to pay a lot for my clothes and my food is all good food – once, someone saw that I was buying bad milk and they went to get me a carton that wasn't past the date!"

"Oh, Naruto..."

"I promise I'm not doing anything bad! I just... I like that I can eat and wear nice clothes if I want to."

"Why don't you?" Sarutobi wondered.

"Well, they would know that I bought clothes from them, so I've been buying stuff for when I'm older. As soon as I'm a genin I'm going to lose the orange! Except my jacket... I like it."

Sarutobi snorted at that, but decided that Naruto wasn't doing anything wrong: "As long as you aren't using this new persona to harm anyone or to prank people, I have no problems with it. In fact, I'd say the whole idea was quite intelligent of you to come up with. How did you come up with it, by the way?"

"Well... sensei was talking about observation skills and I thought he was stupid because obviously we pay attention. But then I watched and listened and noticed things when I was trying to – and I noticed that nobody gets treated like I do. They only look at me with hate; they never look at anyone else that way. Then I thought, 'What if I'm not me?' Then I was kicked out of class and sensei was showing us how to do the Henge – not Iruka-sensei, but Hikaru-sensei – and I realized that I could be anyone I wanted to be. So I tried to be people I knew, but I realized that it could be dangerous for two of the same person to walk around. Then I tried to be a cool, strong-looking guy, but then people expected me to be really strong. And when I was a small guy people made fun of me and tried to pick on me. So then I thought I might be a girl, but the first time I was a girl it didn't work because I got the body all wrong. Then when I got the body right, it was more like my Sexy Jutsu and people were weird around her. So then I decided to be normal and noticeable but forgettable so that people would see me but not really think anything of me and not forget about me – 'cause if you're forgettable the ANBU tend to follow you more. So then I was Hisoka. Jiji, I really, really like being Hisoka. She's so different from everything I am and nobody hates me. You can't take that away from me!"

"So you were the one doing the impersonating four or five years ago... And I won't, Naruto, I've already told you that. I wish you didn't feel you had to do this, but I'm not going to take it away from you. I will lay down some boundaries though. You can only be – Hisoka, you said? – if you promise to continue being Naruto. I don't want you spending more than half your waking day as her. You need to remember that you _are_ Naruto, and you _aren't_ Tanaka Hisoka. It's very easy to fall for your own deception, and I don't want you doing that, understand?"

"Yes, Hokage-jiji," Naruto said, though he was clearly disappointed. He'd rather spend all day as Hisoka – and there were days when he _had_ been Hisoka the whole time, but he knew better than to question the old man. He was Hokage for a reason, after all.

"Good. Now put your Henge back on and rest up. Has your leg already healed?"

"Yeah."

"Then go home and get some sleep. And when you're a ninja, I'll make sure to mark this down as an A-class mission in your favour, though the details will be an S-class secret, so don't go bragging about your victory."

"Sure thing, gramps! And thank you!" Hisoka called, waving to her pseudo-grandpa as she left the office.

* * *

**AN which is kind of important to understanding my writing of the story even though it's really long: **Right, so it was pointed out in a review that the whole missing-nin thing reeked of "plot device". It should, because it honestly is a plot device. Lemme explain: I wanted to get Naruto into the Hokage's office with Kakashi as soon as possible, and this was my chosen means. Let's face it, Kakashi probably knows the faces and names of just about every active and retired Konoha shinobi - or enough of them that he'd be able to ask around and quickly discover that "Tanaka Hisoka" doesn't exist. This way, with the Hokage validating Hisoka's status early on, Kakashi won't question her existence, loyalty, or affiliation to the village. I can avoid that whole suspicious, paranoid mess. The whole point of this story for me (aside from hopefully pleasing a few of you) is to explore the question of identity when Henge no Jutsu is used long-term.

To put it plainly: I don't write often enough to build up super-awesome, well thought-out plots. Hell, my mind probably isn't good enough to create them! I've got no mental discipline and I tend to write more than plot. Plus, if I plot something out too much, I get bored of it and never wind up writing anything; so, I tend to start writing with a general idea of what I want and where I want to go, but I don't plan it out. I usually let my fingers decide what happens, which is why I'll never be a fantastic writer. My mind actually shuts down as I write and I usually end up surprised with what happens - it's like I'm watching someone else write it and am reading it as the text appears on the screen.

Hopefully this story won't turn out too fucked up or disappointing though... I'm really afraid that I'm going to disappoint my readers by not being as good a writer as they expect/want me to be. I'm not a novice writer, per se, but I _am_ an infrequent one. I only write when I'm inspired, and that doesn't happen too often. So bear with me!


	5. The Beginning

**AN: **Many of you have asked whether Wingwyrm's "Teacup Tempest" inspired me. I've got to say that I wasn't thinking on it when I came up with this idea; however, the human mind works in mysterious ways and the fact that I _have_read that story means that I most likely drew something from that experience and put it into this, even if it was only subconsciously. If you haven't read it, I recommend it because it's a wonderful story. Also, will Naruto stay male? Well... I guess you're going to have to keep reading to find out! Haha, just kidding. He's a guy. He was born a guy, and is only using Henge in this story to become female, so it's not a permanent change. What happens with all of that is just going to have to be figured out as you read along.

Without further ado, here it is:

**The Beginning**

Hisoka wasn't seen around town as often as she had been, but nobody really noticed because they figured she was just getting more missions after her much-lauded defeat of three jounin-ranked missing ninja. She enjoyed the respect she was now given – but that made it harder and harder to switch back into Naruto. She would really rather stay Hisoka, but she'd promised the Hokage that she would still be Naruto, and Naruto didn't break his promises. Besides, she was graduating soon and that meant that she would finally make a name for herself as Naruto and not as Hisoka. So while she enjoyed the respect people gave her, she made sure to dream about having that respect as Naruto. Someday Naruto would be someone to respect – and on that day Hisoka would vanish for good.

But for now she would reap the benefits – like the new set of kunai that Reiji gave to her as she walked into his shop. "Here you go, Hisoka! On the house, for stopping those bastards!"

Hisoka blushed and thanked him with a hug, "You're the best, Reiji!"

"So you're Reiji."

Hisoka and Reiji turned toward the doorway and spotted Hatake-san lingering there, eyes glued to the orange book he held in his hand. "Hatake-sama! What can I do for you?" Reiji asked, stars in his eyes.

Hisoka's eyebrows rose in surprise. She knew that Hatake-san was good – obvious by how quickly and effortlessly he'd dealt with the final missing nin – but she hadn't thought that he was so good that he brought stars to the eyes of retired chunin.

"Maa, I just saw Tanaka-san and I thought I'd see how she was doing."

Reiji's eyes darted between the two.

"I'm fine, Hatake-san, thank you."

"Your leg healed well, then?"

"Aa, it did."

"Mm, that's good. Ja ne!" Hatake-san said, and then he was out the door.

"That was strange," Hisoka murmured.

"You know Hatake-sama personally?" Reiji asked in wonderment.

"Not really. He's the one that helped me out when those missing nin attacked me. He saved my life, so I'm very grateful to him. He's still kind of weird, though."

"Weird? He's a genius! Copy-Nin Kakashi, Master of a Thousand Jutsu!"

"Oh? I didn't know he was so famous."

"Didn't—? How could you not know?!"

Hisoka shrugged, "I guess I'm a bit out of the loop. I just know the people I've worked with and a few that I've heard of. People don't gossip much about Hatake-san, I guess."

Hisoka thought that encounter had been a little odd, but she'd put it behind her and quite forgotten about it until about a week later when she met him again.

She was walking home with groceries, wondering about the meals that she was going to cook up this week. She liked to do all her cooking on the weekend so that she'd just have to grab something and heat it up when she wanted it. She'd learned to do that when she'd complained to Reiji that she hated having to cook after training to near-exhaustion. He'd suggested she cook in advance and she'd never stopped since.

"Here, let me help you with that," Hatake-san said, taking the heavier bags out of her hands before she could object and walking alongside her.

She noticed that there were a number of people who stopped what they were doing and stared in astonishment at the sight. Hisoka, however, took it as an insult: "Oi! Hatake-san, I'm not weak you know! I can handle my own groceries!"

"Maa, I'm just helping you out, no need to get angry. Besides, you looked like you were having a hard time so I thought you would appreciate an extra hand."

"I – I guess. Thank you, Hatake-san, but you really don't need to help me. I've been doing this on my own for years now and I haven't had trouble yet."

"Hm," he said, eye-smiling at her and ignoring her seeking hand.

The two of them wound up walking back to Hisoka's – _Naruto's_ – building. It was in the sixth district of town, and the building wasn't in very good shape on the outside. The only person living there was Naruto, though he'd commandeered another apartment so that Hisoka could have a home when Reiji visited sometimes. "You live here?" Hatake-san wondered with a blank eye, clearly trying not to judge her by her accommodations.

"Yes," Hisoka said simply. "The rent is cheap and it's helping me save up for a house of my own. I'm not buying a house until I can pay for it in full."

"Why do you want to pay for it in full? Your pay can automatically be transferred to a mortgage – you know that, right?"

Naruto hadn't known that – but he did know that if he were to pay for a house during a long period of time that he'd be killed with the spike in interest. Nobody would let Naruto pay for a house without charging a ridiculous amount of interest if he couldn't buy it all at once. Knowing this, Hisoka replied, "Yes. But I'd rather not have to worry about paying a mortgage if I were to get injured. It's better that I save my money and buy a house in full when I can than buy a house and wind up unable to make payments because of injury."

"If you're injured whilst on duty you get a pension."

"Yeah, but that pension isn't enough for one person to afford a house and living expenses at the same time. I've done the math, Hatake-san, trust me."

"Okay, you know better than I do."

"That's right, and don't you forget it," Hisoka teased.

* * *

Half a week after that, she met Hatake-san again as she was going for a run around Konoha's walls. She was able to make it nine times around when he showed up, joining her on her run after cheerfully greeting her. Baffled at first, Hisoka didn't know what to make of this. Then she decided to shrug it off and continued on her final lap. As she neared the end of her lap, she spotted the large oak tree that marked the end. She glanced at Hatake-san, wondered if he would do it, and then upon deciding he would she shouted, "Race you to the oak tree!"

Hatake-san's pace slowed in surprise as she sprinted off toward the tree and then he caught up with her, keeping up neck-to-neck until about a hundred metres away when he took off and left her in the dust. When she arrived at the tree he was leaning against it, pretending that he'd been there waiting for a long time. Hisoka's eye twitched and then she let out a war cry and tackled him to the ground. They wrestled about like children for a while and ended when Hatake-san finally pinned her to the ground. They laughed breathlessly and then she admitted defeat: "Okay, Hatake-san, you win."

His chuckles died down and he told her, "Call me Kakashi."

"Kakashi-san, then," she smiled, feeling quite content after her afternoon exercise.

Kakashi-san returned the smile and rolled over onto his back as they caught their breath. "You're pretty fast, Tanaka-san, for a chunin," Kakashi-san teased.

"Oi! I'm pretty fast for anybody!" she squawked. "Don't think I don't know that you put chakra into your feet those last hundred metres!"

"You caught me," he grinned at her, now laying on his side to look at her.

"Hmph! Thought you could hide that from me 'cause your a big, bad jounin?"

"Guess I'm not such a big, bad jounin after all, if I can't hide my chakra from a chunin."

"Or I'm just amazing," she claimed with a cheeky grin.

"That too," he agreed with a smile.

She smiled back at him and sighed contentedly. "I love this."

"Spending time with me?" he wondered.

She snorted and whacked him, "No, stupid! Though I guess you're not _too_ bad."

He rolled his eye then asked her what she meant.

"Hmm." She said, closing her eyes and feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin. The cool breeze dried her sweat and ruffled her hair and clothes. "The quiet after a good run. Being able to just lay back and enjoy the wind and the sun, smell the trees and the grass, hear the leaves rustling and the bugs singing. No loud city; no missions. Peace. Sometimes it's good to get away from people."

Kakashi-san eyed her quietly. "Peace?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "Maybe it's harder for you to back out of ninja-mode, but it's good to just forget about things for a while and go back to nature. Try it. Forget about being Hatake Kakashi. Forget that you're a ninja. Just be here, now. Don't think, just feel."

The two of them stayed silent for half an hour, lying on the grass with their eyes closed and breathing synchronized breaths. Hisoka felt at peace – and it was the first time she'd ever felt at peace with somebody else present. It was odd that she could feel his body lying next to her, not touching. It was odd that she could hear his breath match her own. It was odder still that she found his presence comforting. She opened her eyes and took a deep breath to let Kakashi-san know that she was done relaxing. The two of them sat up and smiled contentedly at one another. Hisoka stood and stretched, noticing that Kakashi-san was staring at her. "Is there something wrong? Do I have grass stains or something?" she wondered.

He shook his head, "No. I'm just surprised."

"Why?"

"Because I haven't felt so relaxed in years and I didn't even notice how tense I've been."

"Oh," she said in surprise. "Well, you're welcome to join me when I run. I can't always be here, but I usually do ten laps around Konoha three times a week."

He smiled quietly at her, thanked her, and offered to walk her home. The walk back was silent, both feeling much too quiet at soul to break the outward silence.


	6. Courting

**AN:** Thanks for the reviews! Loved them! Made me grin like a loon (...can loons grin? might be a creepy thing to see...). Also some crazy news I have to share with someone before I burst: I'm going to be an Aunty! Waaa! My sister's going to have a baby! I feel so _old. _I can't believe it. But, thus is life. It passes you by and you're left wondering where the Flames of Youth have gone... not that I'm terribly old. Or old at all, by some standards. Feh. Whatever. Here's a new chapter (and it's the longest I've written yet, I believe!).

**Courting**

Kakashi-san joined her on her runs whenever they could both make it, and they worked out a schedule of sorts. Hisoka would have to fake being absent on missions every now and again to keep suspicion off, and Kakashi-san would go on actual missions, but they usually wound up meeting three times a week by the oak tree and doing their laps, racing the last hundred metres and then meditating for somewhere around half an hour. Hisoka noticed that Kakashi was always more relaxed whenever she saw him. It would seem that meditating was as good for him as it was for Naruto. And she couldn't help but feel warmth in her heart as she thought that she had found another friend. It was nice to be liked for who she was.

Who she was... She was starting to realize that Hisoka was more Naruto than Naruto was. Naruto remained the same while Hisoka changed as she matured and learned things from Kakashi-san and Reiji. It felt like Naruto was the imposter and Hisoka was the real person. Hokage-jiji was upset when she told him this, but he said that he understood and suggested making Naruto act more like Hisoka – more mature, anyway. Naruto had trouble with this because it always seemed like he was acting more like a girl when he did that. People looked at him oddly, too. So it was hard to balance being Naruto and being Hisoka, but slowly Naruto was becoming less loud and more serious. It was slow going though, because otherwise people would figure it out – more people than Shikamaru, anyway, who'd told him early on in his struggles that letting go of masks was troublesome but sometimes necessary to advance.

* * *

"Ne, Kakashi-san?" she asked one day after they were done meditating.

"Yes, Hisoka-chan?"

"Do you ever wonder what it'd be like to be someone else?"

Kakashi-san looked at her oddly and then replied with utter truth, "I suppose there were times when I did. But I don't anymore."

"How come?" she asked, turning to lie on her side and leaning her head on her fist to mimic his posture.

"I met you," he said simply.

Her mouth dried and she stared at him. "What?"

She could see a sort of half-smile beneath his mask as he elaborated, "You've changed me, Hisoka-chan. I was cold and bitter before, and I never realized it. I probably would have died alone without anyone but Konoha to mourn my loss."

"That's not true, Kakashi-san! What about Maito-san? He seemed to care for you when I dropped you off those months ago. And the Hokage cares for you. And... and I care for you."

His smile turned soft and his hand rose to cup her cheek, "Gai's probably the only person I know who would have been upset at my loss. Nobody else would have thought anything of it except that it was a loss for the village. Now I've been spending time with my comrades and building friendships I thought I'd never have."

"That's all _your _doing, though. I don't even know your friends aside from Maito-san."

"No," he told her. "I wouldn't have even thought that I was wrong if it hadn't been for you. The way you spoke to the Hokage, the way you two looked at each other as though you're family. I was surprised. So when I saw you in your friend's shop I decided to see how you were doing. And then you told me to race you as though I were anyone else, as though I were a friend. I never realized that being alive didn't necessarily mean you were living – not until I met you. You make me feel... at peace."

Hisoka stared at him with wide eyes and heated cheeks. No one had ever said anything so sweet to her before. "I – I don't know what to say. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know how much you've done for me. Thank you, Hisoka-chan. I mean it."

"You're – you're welcome, Kakashi-san," she said softly, feeling the air around them become slightly tense and being oblivious as to the reason why.

Kakashi-san's eye flickered from her eyes to her lips and she swallowed heavily as she realized that he was quite possibly thinking about kissing her. She'd never kissed anyone before. Kakashi-san's eye met hers one last time before he leaned forward and gently pressed his masked lips against her own. Her breath hitched as his hand slid behind her head to cup her skull and tilt her head sideways. The kiss was gentle and quiet and made her heart want to burst out of her chest. He pulled away and watched her as she opened her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. She couldn't keep the silly smile off her face and she laughed as Kakashi let out a relieved sigh and tugged her toward him. They fell onto the grass, Kakashi on his back and Hisoka on top of him. "So... do you want to... to go out, Hisoka-chan?"

Hisoka snorted and teased, "Eloquent, as always."

"Maa, you'll break my heart, Soka-chan!"

She giggled a bit then nuzzled her face in his chest. "I think I would like that, Kakashi."

His eye-smile extended down to his mouth and she could clearly see the grin through his mask. Her fingers traced his lips as she remembered the kiss. "Eventually I think I'd like to kiss you without your mask," she said quietly.

Kakashi swallowed and confided, "Eventually I think I might let you."

She smiled at him gently and snuggled up on his chest, enjoying the feel of his arms around her.

* * *

Their first date didn't go too well on account of the staring. They were sitting in a nice restaurant that was supposed to have great food, but the silence nearly drove her crazy. Not to mention the eyes. The second the couple had walked in there, the small murmurings had ceased and the staring commenced. Hisoka had to check that she wasn't in Naruto form it was so bad. "Kakashi?" she whispered.

"How about we just go on a walk?" he replied, feeling her unease and matching it with his own.

When they left the restaurant Kakashi sighed, "I'm sorry, Soka-chan."

"It's not your fault," she said quietly.

"Yeah, but now people are going to stare at you."

She snorted, "People are going to do that anyway. They have since the missing nin episode. I'm used to it."

"I guess. What're we going to do now? I promised you food."

She bit her lip, wondering if this was such a good idea, then decided that if she was going to date someone fourteen years her senior who had no idea that she was a twelve-year-old boy, then she might as well just do whatever felt right to her and not what seemed right by other people. "How about I cook?" she suggested.

"But I said I would—"

"Kakashi, it's fine, really. In fact, I'd like to cook for you. Besides, it'll be quieter and less creepy where no one can stare at us."

He gave her his signature eye-smile, adding a fond half-smile beneath his mask before shouting, "I'll race you there!"

Hisoka gaped at him as he jumped onto the nearest roof and sped off toward her home. She laughed and hopped on right after him, putting chakra into her feet to make her go faster. She caught up to him and they raced neck-to-neck until they were a block to her house and she thrust more chakra out of her feet so that she sped up further, practically leaping through the air as a blur. Kakashi laughed behind her and reached her as she leaned against her building and pretended to have been waiting there a while. He grinned at her and kissed her full on the mouth. She had to catch her breath from the kiss more than she did from the run.

"Come on," she said, leading her into the building and toward her apartment.

They kicked off their shinobi sandals and headed for the kitchen, where Hisoka looked through her cupboards and fridge. "Hmm... What's your favourite?" she asked.

"Broiled saury and miso soup with eggplant," he said curiously.

"Alright," she said, taking out what she needed to make that. "It'll take a while, but you can make some tea if you'd like. The leaves are at the bottom of the first cupboard over there."

Kakashi ambled up to the counter and opened it up, spotting the mugs alongside the tea leaves. "Which one?"

"Whatever you feel like. Obviously I like all of them – why else would I buy them, right?"

Kakashi grabbed the green tea and filled the kettle up with water, waiting for it to boil. "Why did you ask me if I'd ever wanted to be someone else?"

Hisoka froze for a moment, a conflicted look on her face before she sighed and continued cooking. "I think I just wanted to know how you felt about the topic."

"But why? Don't you like being my Soka-chan?"

She smiled fondly at him but replied, "For a while I had it really bad. Nobody liked me—"

"I'll never believe that," Kakashi told her.

She shook her head, "Well, whether or not you believe it, it's true. I was pretty pathetic as far as ninja go. I was loud and annoying and didn't have any friends. I thought that if I could be someone else then I could be whoever I wanted and I could forget about being me."

"But even if you act like someone else, you'd still wind up being similar in some way, however small."

"Yeah," she admitted.

"Did you try it?" he asked.

"I did. You remember that time when the ANBU were out, looking around for some ninja who was taking on the form of villagers and strangers?"

"That was you?" Kakashi wondered in disbelief. "They were pretty pissed about that – even _I_ was kind of annoyed that we didn't find anyone."

She blushed but nodded. "It was me. And it seemed that every time I tried to be someone else, something went wrong. When I was a hulking man people thought I'd be strong and wanted me to help lift things. When I was a small guy, people teased me for being weak. Then I tried to be a hot girl and that was miserable – I don't know how those girls can look so great all the time and like the attention. It's creepy and uncomfortable. I think I was groped like twelve times when I went into town for half an hour. In the end, I just... chose this over anything else."

"Better to be something you are than something you're not," Kakashi acknowledged wisely.

"Yeah," she said, trying to forget for a moment that she and Naruto were two sides of the same coin – that she was part of a coin at all.

"I like you much better this way than as a 'hulking man'," Kakashi told her slyly.

She snorted, "Okay, okay, I know it's silly. Supper's ready."

"Where are your plates?"

"Cupboard nearest to the fridge. Cutlery's in the drawer underneath it."

Kakashi nodded and went to fetch the dishes. He then set the table as she brought out the food, putting it in the centre of her small, circular table. They smiled at one another and began to eat, the conversation less serious but no less warm. Hisoka kept her eyes on her plate throughout dinner, and Kakashi seemed to appreciate it. They then spent the night getting to know one another even more, trading off silly questions and little stories of moments in their lives.

When the food was all gone, and the dishes done, Hisoka put the last plate back in the cupboard and then led Kakashi over to the door to wish him goodnight. "Despite the earlier incident, I'd say this turned out rather well," she decided.

"I have to agree."

She snorted at the awkward moment and then it was broken as they both laughed at themselves. "So then, you want to do this again sometime?"

"I've got my last mission tomorrow before genin teams are selected. Maybe I could cook for you on Tuesday and tell you about the poor kids who were chosen to fail under me?"

"Oh, come on, Kakashi," she pouted, "You should give those kids a fair chance. And I didn't know you could cook."

"I'm a man of many talents... the Sharingan helps, too."

"What! You used that thing to learn how to cook!? That's _cheating_!"

"Maa, I'm not sure you'd want to try anything I didn't copy. I'd hate to end our second date at the hospital because of food poisoning."

"Okay, okay – but only because you use your powers for the forces of good."

He grinned at her, "I'll meet you at the oak tree at four for our run, then?"

"Perfect," she said, hoping that she wouldn't be kept longer than that with her new team.

Their eyes met and then the moment pulled them together like a gravitational force and their lips met in a chaste kiss. They separated and smiled softly at one another. "Goodnight, Soka-chan," Kakashi wished.

"Goodnight, Kakashi," she replied, closing the door behind him and locking it.

This was going to get harder, she realized. She was going to be a genin soon, if she passed the exam, and she didn't know what would happen then. She'd have missions – real ones, not fake ones – and a team and a new sensei. She would probably have to meet with them often and train with them. How was she going to explain this? She couldn't. Maybe her team would help her "grow" as Naruto, and then Naruto wouldn't have to act like such an idiot all the time. She hoped she'd be with Shikamaru because he already knew about her and wouldn't act weird if she were to suddenly change, since he knew that she was just acting as Naruto and not being Naruto.

* * *

The next day Naruto was called to the Hokage's office and he began to fear that the old man had found out about Hisoka and Kakashi. Oh Kami, Sarutobi would _kill_ Kakashi! And Kakashi wouldn't even know why! When he got to the Hokage's office, he was ridiculously nervous. The glare that the secretary gave him didn't help matters. "So what's up, Jiji?" Naruto asked, daring to hope that the Hokage knew nothing yet.

"I know you won't like this, Naruto," the Hokage began. "But I'm going to need for you to do something for me. Normally I wouldn't have asked, but after your defeat of those missing ninja I think I can trust you to complete this mission. It'll go down as being another A-class mission and the details will again be an S-class secret. Can I trust you to do this for me?"

Naruto was so glad that the old man hadn't found out about Kakashi that he didn't hesitate even a moment to say, "You can count on me, gramps!"

The Hokage's next words made Naruto freeze in horror: "I need you to fail your next genin exam."

"B-but gramps! If I fail this time, I can't become a ninja! You only get three tries for this, and this is my third! I can't fail it!"

"I know, but if you do this for me, you'll already be a ninja, so you don't have to worry about that.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the fact that I'm commissioning you for a mission – a paid mission, no less – means that if you accept it, then you're already a ninja."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Cool. So I just fail my exam and I'm a ninja? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard though. Why do you want me to fail? Should I act sad or angry or happy about it?"

The Hokage smiled proudly, "You're already thinking like a ninja."

Naruto smile happily and urged him again, "So tell me what this super-top-secret mission involves!"

* * *

Naruto failed his exam. He hated how everyone laughed at him, but in a way he laughed that they were so stupid as to not look beneath his act. Except Shikamaru, who eyed him with suspicion. Naruto shook his head at him and motioned for him to be quiet about it; Shikamaru seemed to understand. Naruto suspected that the boy had already realized that this was a mission of some sort, because when Mizuki approached Naruto, Shikamaru made sure that everyone's attention was elsewhere. Naruto was thankful for that, but he was also pissed when he figured out that Mizuki was, in fact, a traitor. He couldn't believe that someone would go against Konoha like that! Well, not someone _from_ Konoha, anyway. So he played along, grinning stupidly when the traitorous bastard promised that he would graduate if only he learned a technique from a certain Forbidden Scroll.

"Hey gramps," Naruto greeted as he went into the old man's office. "I'm gonna need that Forbidden Scroll. Traitor says I need to learn a technique to pass my exam – some kind of secret exam, apparently."

The Hokage didn't look happy when he got confirmation that the traitor was a traitor, but he handed Naruto the scroll and said, "I think you could learn the first technique, the Kage Bunshin. You have the chakra for it and it's extremely useful. Especially when going up against one man."

"Gotcha!" Naruto said. He saluted the Hokage and then told him he'd be in the forest north of district twelve, in case he failed.

"You won't fail," the Hokage told him.

Naruto grinned and left the Tower through the window. He hopped across the roofs slow enough at first to make sure Mizuki (who was "hiding" near the base of the Tower) saw him. Then he sped up and flew across the roofs to the forest, where he opened up the scroll and began learning the Shadow Clone technique. The Hokage was right, because he mastered the technique in an hour, finishing up just in time for Iruka to find him – though Naruto, of course, told Iruka that he'd found him.

The events that unfolded brought tears to his eyes and anger in his heart. Naruto had found the second person to acknowledge him as Naruto. Now there was more than just old man Hokage who cared about the boy he was. He couldn't believe it. It was incredible! It was – completely awful. How was he supposed to go on as Hisoka when he had people who cared about him as Naruto? And _what about Kakashi_? Then there was the whole issue with the Kyuubi. Why hadn't the old man told him? If he'd have known _why_ people hated him, maybe he could have dealt with it better. Maybe Hisoka wouldn't exist. _But what would have happened to Kakashi?_ So Naruto took out his frustration on Mizuki, creating a thousand Kage Bunshin and slamming their fists into the traitorous bastard. When Iruka told him to close his eyes and gave Naruto his headband, Naruto didn't have the heart to tell the man that he was already a ninja. He just grinned and cried and hugged the man. Then he followed the ANBU to the Hokage's Tower, watching as another brought Iruka to the hospital. Naruto hoped he'd be okay. He'd been so out of sorts when finding out about the Kyuubi that he'd practically let Iruka get hit.

When he was alone with the Hokage, his first question was, "Why didn't you tell me?"

The old man sighed, "I didn't think you would take it well, and I thought it would protect you if you didn't know about it."

"I guess I can accept that – but I don't like it. I think I would have liked to know why they hated me rather than wonder what it was that I'd done to deserve it."

"All I can say is that I'm sorry. I wish the villagers hadn't reacted that way."

"It's not your fault, and I kind of understand why you kept it from me. I never really showed you that I was anything other than an annoying prank-pulling brat."


	7. Team 7

**AN:** Again, thanks for the reviews... I don't think the story would be as decent as it is if it weren't for you guys supporting me through reviews. I might have just left it as half-assed as the first draft was, but every time I go to publish a new chapter, I always wind up re-reading and editing, adding and subtracting until I get something better than what I had before. So thank you - and it's all for you guys that it is what it is!

This is the part in the story where it starts to get a little weird, I guess, so I'm hoping that you guys bear with me and enjoy it regardless. Just know that it's not over yet and it won't be for a while. I'm thinking something like thirteen chapters or so, depending on how I decide to end it (and yes, if you give me a review with an idea for a happy or sad ending, I _will_ consider it, since I'm still holding off on planning the final chapters... I have a rough idea, but I'm not sure yet if I want it to end sadly or happily - so tell me what you want, if you'll die without a certain kind of ending!). Anyway, here it is, and sorry about the wait... school got in the way... stupid school... even avoiding classes it gets in the way...

Oh... and hopefully that one scene isn't too terribly awkward... old maid over here, so tell me if it seems unrealistic or entirely stupid and horrible and should just be taken out completely... I'm going to have to trust your judgement here!

**Team 7**

He didn't know why he'd never even considered it a possibility. It was stupid of him not to think that it could have happened like this, that Kakashi could wind up being his sensei. He supposed it must have been because Kakashi kept telling Hisoka how he'd fail his team and then go back to doing missions. Naruto didn't know if Hisoka had convinced the man to give Naruto's team a chance or if the Hokage had ordered him to take on the team because Sasuke was in it. Furthermore, he wasn't sure if the Hokage having him fail the exam didn't have something to do with putting him on Sasuke's team – because there wasn't a sensei who wouldn't have taken on Sasuke, even if they had to take Naruto on, too. Except perhaps Kakashi, who would have no doubt failed the team if it hadn't been for either Hisoka or the Hokage. It was utter bullshit when Kakashi had said that they'd passed because Sasuke gave Naruto half of his bento. Kakashi never would have given them another chance to pass unless he'd had an ulterior motive – something like the Hokage breathing down his neck and Hisoka's telling him to give his team a chance. So Naruto felt like shit because he was sure that Kakashi wanted nothing to do with his team. He almost forgot about meeting Kakashi as Hisoka by the oak tree, he was so upset, and she wound up being fifteen minutes late.

"I've never known you to be late," Kakashi said in surprise.

"Eh, sorry, Kakashi, I just got back from a mission."

"Oh. We could skip the running then and just eat, if you'd like? You're probably tired. Why didn't you tell me you'd have a mission? I would have rescheduled."

Kakashi looked so pathetically upset that Hisoka didn't have the heart to keep her anger from her time as Naruto. "It's fine, Kakashi. It was a sucky mission, but I got through it with energy to spare. Besides, I always feel great after running. And we were supposed to do twenty laps today!"

He smiled happily at her, his shoulders losing their slump, and then they were off. They ran at double the speed from when they'd started out and finished in the same amount of time it'd taken them to do ten before. Their race ended with a tie, both of them feeling a bit tired from the run and from their earlier engagement with Team 7. They collapsed to the ground with a contented sigh and Kakashi broke the silence: "You know, I think I might beat Gai when he challenges me to a race next time. I've never focused so much on running before in my life!"

They laughed at the thought and Hisoka teased him, "I don't know, he's pretty fast. Maybe you should stick to Rock, Paper, Scissors."

Kakashi cried out in indignation and rolled onto her, trying to pin her. They switched places a few times and eventually Hisoka pinned him down with her chakra. "That's cheating," Kakashi pouted.

"Mm, it is, isn't it?"

He gave her that half-smile she loved so much and leaned forward to capture her lips. They kissed gently for a while before Kakashi broke away. Hisoka stared in shock when he pulled down his mask and smiled beatifically at her. She'd never really thought about it, which was a little odd, but he was very handsome. His lips were a soft peach colour and his tongue darted out to moisten them when he realized she was staring at them. She decided that this revelation required no words and swooped down to meet his lips with hers once more. The kiss turned heated as they tasted each other for the first time. Hisoka's breath hitched when his tongue swept along her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to let it in. Their tongues twined and fought for dominance until Hisoka finally let Kakashi take control. He rolled her over onto her back and trailed kisses along her face and down to her neck. She gasped at the contact and moaned when his mouth reached the junction between her throat and her shoulders. Her legs fell open and Kakashi settled between them, a heavy but comforting weight. Their mouths met once more and Hisoka's hands buried themselves in Kakashi's slightly rough but mostly soft hair. Kakashi's hands glided down her neck and toward her hips, his thumbs drawing maddening circles on her skin beneath her shirt. Then his hands slowly, hesitantly, slid up and cupped her breasts. Hisoka's head fell back at the contact and she bit her lip at the feeling.

She knew she was getting aroused, and this was the first time it wasn't just an embarrassing morning occurrence; it was voluntary. Her skin tingled and her toes curled and she could feel heat building in her stomach and darting toward her pelvis. Doubtlessly and embarrassingly her underwear was wet from more than just sweat now. "Kakashi!" she groaned when his thumbs and index fingers pinched her nipples through the fabric of her sweaty bra. He smirked against her lips and rolled the buds between his fingers, earning him another moan and a thrust of hips. They froze when their groins connected and then it was violent and animalistic as they rut against one another shamelessly, sweating and moaning and biting and scratching. Hisoka pulled roughly on Kakashi's hair and Kakashi's nails dug into her hips as he pulled her harshly against himself. She came first, gasping out his name, and he followed not long after, shuddering silently and pressing his face into her neck.

They laid there for a while, not moving and silent but for their gasping breaths. Hisoka's hands finally released their death grip on Kakashi's hair and she slumped down, boneless, onto the grass. She giggled when Kakashi licked his dry lips against her throat and then she gently ran her hands through his hair. Her heart slowly regained its usual rhythm and she sighed contentedly then asked, "So, dinner?"

Kakashi laughed against her throat and she joined him, feeling at peace once more.

* * *

Balancing her two faces was precarious at best and dangerous at worst. Naruto had to forget about changing, about being more mature. If he were to act more mature, he would doubtlessly act like Hisoka and then Kakashi would figure it out. So Naruto acted like an idiot and was scolded by Kakashi, called an idiot by Sakura, and called a dead last by Sasuke. No one on his team liked him. Iruka was a bit disappointed in him, that he hadn't begun to act more responsible now that he was a ninja. The Hokage was becoming suspicious since Naruto had mentioned before maybe becoming more like Hisoka and now he was suddenly furiously against it, claiming that he needed to leave her behind entirely and not act a thing like her.

But he wasn't leaving her behind. In fact, he was starting to spend too much time as her again because she and Kakashi had begun spending hours together every day she didn't have a "mission". They'd made out several times now and he'd even convinced her to read Icha Icha Paradise on her own just so she'd stop complaining about it without really knowing what the hentai novel was about. She'd put her foot down when he asked her in an innocent voice if she'd like to read it aloud to him, though. It hadn't been as awful as she'd thought it would be, but it was definitely not to be considered literature; she told him it was a step up from trash, but that was about it.

Actually reading Icha Icha just because he wanted her to... Hisoka really liked Kakashi, there was no doubt about it. She liked him more than she'd ever liked anybody before in her life. And that scared her. She was terrified because... because she was starting to think that she loved him. And she hated lying to him. She hated having to earn his scorn as Naruto and then hear about how stupid Naruto acted while she was Hisoka. The only good that came of it was that she'd managed to make him stop favouring Sasuke and start teaching them more than just teamwork exercises. They learned to walk on trees and on water (though Naruto obviously already knew about this because Hisoka had learned a long time ago). They'd learned several techniques that were must-know on and off the battlefield. Naruto knew that if Hisoka hadn't talked to him about it then Team 7 wouldn't have even learned tree walking. Kakashi hated being a sensei, he told her. There were days when he enjoyed it, but for the most part he found it frustrating having to deal with people who were so clearly below him in skill.

She was starting to think she should break up with him. It was awful because she'd never been so happy in her entire life. Nothing could lift her mood easier than Kakashi knocking on her door with flowers. Or watching a movie with Kakashi. Or running laps with Kakashi. Or talking to Kakashi. Or kissing Kakashi. Basically everything about Kakashi made her ridiculously happy – except for when he spoke about his team. He knew she closed off when he spoke about Team 7 so he usually didn't do so unless there was some great success or failure or something hilarious had happened, like Naruto being dragged by the leash of an enormous dog. The problem in their relationship was Naruto. And the problem in Naruto's relationship with his team was Hisoka. The only way to solve the problem was to get rid of one of them – and the only one who could legally leave was Hisoka. The Hokage wouldn't stand for him to become someone else, no matter how much Hisoka desired it.

So when they met for their run three months after Team 7 had formed, Hisoka met Kakashi's eager gaze with a sober one. He knew immediately that something was wrong and demanded to know what. "Do you have a mission?" he wondered. "I haven't seen you look so unhappy since those jounin attacked you. Did something happen? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Kakashi."

"Then why do you look so miserable? I know the rice was a little off last night, but you said it was okay even though I didn't use my Sharingan to cook it."

She smiled sadly but fondly, "Your rice was fine, and you really should learn to cook without that Sharingan of yours."

"Then what is it?"

"I... I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"Sorry, I think I misheard you." Kakashi said with his voice a little louder than usual.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi," she said piteously, "it's over."

"It can't be," he said, hands grasping her shoulders. "There's nothing wrong! We're happy – I haven't been this happy since before Obito died! You can't... you can't mean it."

She swallowed heavily and shook her head, "I'm sorry..."

"Is there someone else?" he wondered, heartbreak written across his face. "Or maybe you don't like the way I look? I knew I shouldn't have taken off my mask!"

"No! No, Kakashi, there's no one else and you're very handsome. There's nothing wrong with you. I just... I can't do this anymore."

"But why? I don't understand. I thought we were happy?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated, not wanting to tell him why she was doing this.

"Weren't you happy? I thought you were happy. You _said_ you were!"

"I was. I've never been happier in my entire life."

"But—"

"Kakashi, I'm sorry, but I have to go," she said, pulling herself out of his grasp and running away.

He caught up to her in seconds and pulled her back, tugging her harshly by her arm and forcing her to look at him, "Tell me you don't love me. Tell me!"

"I don't," she said. She forced her eyes to meet his single grey eye and repeated: "I don't love you, Kakashi."

His hand released her and he fell onto his knees, staring at her in confusion. "You're not dead, so why are you leaving me?"

She grimaced as her heart clenched at his words, remembering how he'd told her that everyone he'd loved in his youth had died. She couldn't respond. She wanted to tell him the truth, but that was impossible. He would hate her. So she turned around and used her chakra to sprint as fast as she could away from him. She dropped her Henge when she landed outside the forest, after making sure he wasn't following her. Then she took a deep breath and headed over to the Hokage's Tower.

"Hokage-sama," Naruto said when he entered, earning a shocked glance from his grandfatherly leader.

"What is it, Naruto?"

"If anyone asks, tell them that Hisoka has gone on a mission and will be absent until further notice."

"You're letting her go?" he wondered. "Naruto, is something wrong?"

"I've decided that being a good ninja is more important than being Hisoka," he told his mentor quietly, eyebrows twitching downward.

"I'm proud of you, Naruto. I know how difficult this decision must have been for you to make."

_No you don't_, Naruto thought. _And I hope to Kami you never will._


	8. It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

**Minor corrections made, thanks to InARealPickle for pointing them out! **

* * *

**It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better**

"Where the hell is he?" Sasuke snarled, the first to break the silence.

Team 7 had been waiting since eight in the morning for their sensei to show up and it was now two in the afternoon. While Kakashi had had them wait for hours before, it was usually never more than two or three. Six was excessive to the point of irresponsible. "Do you think Kaka-sensei's okay, Sasuke-kun? Sakura worried.

"He's a jounin!" Naruto shouted. "Of course he's okay!"

"Shut up, baka! Jounin get killed all the time!" Sakura shouted, punching him.

Naruto let himself be hit and just fell back on the grass to stare up at the trees. He deserved that punch - hell, he deserved worse than a lousy punch thrown by an irritated genin... He felt awful. Hisoka had broken up with Kakashi last night, and here Naruto was waiting for his sensei who was either getting wasted or off moping somewhere obscure. Naruto thought he might know where Kakashi would go were he to mope: their oak tree was a likely spot, as the man would want to try to make up for whatever he suspected he'd done wrong. But he hadn't done anything wrong. _Hisoka_ was wrong; she wasn't even real! No, no matter how awful it was, it was better this way. It was better that Kakashi thought he lost her than for him to find out that she was really a thirteen-year-old boy. Naruto sighed.

"Quit sighing, idiot," Sasuke growled, kicking Naruto in the side.

"Oi, bastard! That hurt!"

"Stop being annoying."

"Whatever," Naruto mumbled.

The boy rolled away from his rival and climbed up a tree, then he sat down on the branch and swung his feet about as he glanced at the small patch of sky he could see through the leaves. He sighed again.

"Loser, what'd I say about the sighing?"

"You know what, Sasuke?" Naruto asked. "You're a fucking asshole who isn't going to amount to anything because he's so fucking distracted with his stupid revenge. Do you know what revenge does? It kills people – and I'm not talking about the victim. You kill your brother, then he's won and you've wasted your pathetic life pining away after him like some love-sick fool. I'm through with this. Tell sensei I went home – if he ever shows up, that is."

"Naruto!" Sakura scolded. "You can't talk to Sasuke like that! And don't be so mean to Kaka-sensei! He's probably sick or something!"

Naruto snorted, "Whatever."

Then Naruto hopped away from his angry teammates and made his way back to his apartment – only to run in the other direction as he heard someone banging on Hisoka's door. So he headed for the Hokage Monument instead and lay back on the Yondaime's spiky head. This sucked. He should have stopped being Hisoka the moment he'd graduated the Academy, before he'd become involved with Kakashi. It was stupid of him to think he could have a normal relationship. He just wished that Kakashi wasn't so... so fucked up. Naruto suspected that any good Hisoka had done for him was more than gone by now – the man had probably already pushed away the people he'd become friends with. Maito-san was probably cringing at how unyouthful Kakashi was acting. But Naruto felt like acting that way, too. It wasn't fair for Kakashi – but it wasn't really fair for Naruto, either. Naruto had to receive both the love and scorn of Kakashi. That was incredibly difficult to deal with, no matter his change in persona and outward appearance. To be loved so dearly one moment and treated so coldly the next was something terrible. Well, to be fair, Kakashi had improved a lot since he'd become Team 7's sensei – but the only reason for that was that Hisoka had pressured him into it. So while Naruto wasn't loved by Kakashi, at least he'd learned _something_ under his sensei, unlike the nothing he would have learned had Hisoka not pushed and nagged. And at least he knew what it was like to be loved, even if it was being loved as a woman. It was still love, something that Naruto had never experienced in his life. It had been new and exciting and wonderful. And now it was pathetic and painful and terrible.

"What's wrong, loser?"

"Eh!?" Naruto wondered, snapping up into a seated position as his long-time rival sat down in front of him.

Naruto had thought that Sasuke would be pissed about the way Naruto had spoken to him – instead Sasuke was looking at him worriedly. "Well?" Sasuke demanded.

Naruto sighed, cringing as Sasuke whacked him on the arm, but he grumbled and decided to give an abbreviated story: "I broke up with my girlfriend."

"Hn."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not like I advertized our relationship or anything."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"She... she didn't like me for me. Well, she did like me, but she didn't like Naruto, you know?"

"Hn. People are stupid."

"Yeah," Naruto smiled, "yeah they are. I just feel like shit, that's all. I'll get over it. Did Kakashi-sensei ever show?"

"Hn."

"Baka-sensei! Whatever. You wanna get some ramen?"

Sasuke "Hn"ed in agreement and they walked down the mountain and headed over to Naruto's favourite place.

* * *

Over the next three weeks Kakashi-sensei continued to not show up. Team 7 had decided that, regardless of his absence, they would continue to train. They worked on chakra control, on stamina, on strength, on strategy (they took turns playing shogi, checkers, and go against each other), on sparring, on jutsu, and on elemental manipulation. The last one had been difficult to come about, but because Naruto had been acting as Hisoka for so long, he'd found out about the existence of affinities. Finding those test papers had been a trick, but Sasuke had eventually caved and gone to ask one of their old Academy sensei for three papers. The sensei had been a bit suspicious as to why Kakashi-sensei hadn't gotten them for Team 7, but Sasuke had sucked up his annoyance and turned on the charm. Naruto teased him to hell about it, but he'd also made sure that Sasuke knew that manipulation was a good skill for a ninja to have and convinced him that it was a challenge to get their old sensei not to question him.

So they got the papers and discovered that Sasuke had a lightening affinity, Sakura had earth, and Naruto had wind. At first they had cussed out having different affinities because it meant that they'd need to find different teachers and exercises to learn, but then they'd decided that it was good to have a combination in case they came up against someone whose affinity defeated their own, just as water beats fire. They had Sakura go into the shinobi library and search up chakra control techniques to begin learning elemental manipulation. The training was difficult and ended in disaster more than once. Sasuke nearly electrocuted Naruto to death – and it was only because of the Kyuubi and his natural wind chakra that Naruto was okay. Sakura nearly buried them all alive. Naruto nearly got them crushed by a tree he'd accidentally blown down. It was highly dangerous for genin with no previous experience to play with chakra the way they were, but they didn't have a choice. There were only so many laps and push-ups and sparring one could do before they grew bored and accustomed to each other's style. Sparring was alright, but now it was even more difficult than before because they knew each other so well that they could read the body language of their teammates and counter their next move before they could even execute them.

By the time they were able to lightly manipulate their surroundings with their affinities and do a couple of elemental jutsu they'd either stolen by observation or tricked someone into teaching them, Kakashi-sensei showed up. He looked like shit. Naruto could tell that the man had been drinking and moping – and killing. He suspected that Kakashi had taken on S-rank missions, but with his frame of mind, he hoped not. "We're going on a C-rank mission today," Kakashi-sensei announced. "We should be gone a few weeks. Meet me at the gate in half an hour."

The genin stared in shock at their sensei as he disappeared in a puff of smoke. They shared a look and then shot off in the direction of their separate houses, each cursing their sensei.

* * *

"These shrimps are supposed to protect me from bandits?" Tazuna asked in disbelief.

"Oi!" Naruto exclaimed. "We're ninja!"

"You're still just shrimpy kids, kid! How are these brats supposed to keep me safe?"

"Maa, whatever they can't handle, I can. Now let's go," Kakashi-sensei ordered.

The genin glowered at his back but listened anyway, knowing that they had no choice as he was their superior. But they kind of wished that they'd maybe said something to the Hokage or, hell, to Iruka-sensei, about Kakashi-sensei's absence. Neither of them felt Kakashi was prepared to take them on a longer mission when he'd been gone for three weeks. They barely remembered the way he fought when sparring them and felt uneasy about being outside of Konoha with someone they didn't trust. When Kakashi-sensei had left them to take care of the Demon Brothers alone after faking his death, the genin gave him the benefit of the doubt and supposed that their sensei had just wanted to know how they'd been doing these past weeks that he'd been away. They tried to have faith in him and tried not to worry when the man stated that they'd continue on, even after Tazuna's explanation of their mission being much more than he'd previously claimed. They tried to believe that their sensei wasn't just acting rashly and stupidly, bringing three green genin along on a now B-ranked mission.

It appeared that they'd had good reason to worry, though, because Kakashi-sensei fought like an idiot against Zabuza and had had to be saved by Naruto's quick thinking. Sakura stared at them pointedly when the supposed hunter-nin took the missing nin's body away, but Sasuke and Naruto shrugged because there wasn't anything they could do about it. They were tired from travelling and from the fight, and Kakashi-sensei had just collapsed on the ground from chakra exhaustion. "How far is your house from here?" Sakura wondered.

"Not far now, maybe an hour," Tazuna replied quietly. He felt bad that the kids' sensei was taken down protecting him. "I'm sure Tsunami will have some food prepared in no time, and you'll get to sleep on an actual futon and get a shower."

"Thank you, Tazuna-san," Sakura smiled wearily.

The rest of the walk was silent but for the occasional grunt from Sasuke and Naruto as they carried their sensei. They dropped him off in one of the rooms Tsunami had made up for them and then went downstairs to eat dinner. The food was plain, but it was filling and enough to satisfy Team 7's appetite. "We should keep shifts," Naruto suggested.

"I agree," Sakura nodded. "We don't know if these were the last of them. And we don't know how long it's going to take for Zabuza to recover. Hopefully it won't be until Kakashi-sensei is better."

The three nodded soberly, realizing that if Kakashi-sensei wasn't better by the time those two showed up again, their chances of successfully completing the mission were low. They might be much stronger than they'd been at their graduation, but they weren't anywhere near the level of two jounin, no matter how good their teamwork was by now. "I'll take first watch," Sasuke offered.

Sakura and Naruto nodded and then headed for separate rooms, it having been agreed that Naruto would stay with Kakashi-sensei because he was a boy. "Sasuke, wake me up a little early to shower," Sakura requested.

"Me too, Sakura," Naruto said.

They nodded again and then bid each other goodnight. Naruto entered his room and closed the door behind him, then hesitated. Kakashi-sensei was a mess. He was just as dirty as the rest of them, but his uniform stunk of lake water. Naruto thought that he should clean the man up out of courtesy, but he wasn't sure whether Kakashi-sensei would attack him or not. Perhaps it was best just to leave the man to his own devices? He could clean himself up whenever he woke. Having decided thusly, Naruto dropped his pack onto the floor and unrolled the room's second futon. He lay down and was prepared to drop off when he heard his sensei mumble in his sleep. Naruto stared in disbelief as the man's brow furrowed and a pained sound emitted from his mouth. "Hisoka..."

Naruto's heart jolted and he sucked in a breath when he realized what his sensei was dreaming of. It was incredible. While Naruto knew that Hisoka's breaking up with Kakashi would negatively affect the man, and was probably the reason for his conspicuous absence, he hadn't really believed it. He hadn't believed that someone could care so deeply for _him_. Well, for Hisoka. So it wasn't really _him_, then, was it? He sighed and forced himself to ignore his sensei until he fell asleep.

Kakashi woke up the next day and told them that Zabuza was alive and that the hunter-nin had been a fake. He was shocked when Sakura said that they knew that already, but didn't know how long they would have until their return. "A week," Kakashi said.

"Will you be better by then, sensei?" Sakura asked worriedly.

"Yes."

Then he gave them some training exercises to do on chakra control – things they'd done and mastered weeks ago – and fell silent, sitting on the porch gloomily. The trio couldn't help huffing in annoyance when they were in the forest. "I can't believe him!" Sakura snarled. "He comes back after weeks – _weeks_ – of being gone, without any explanation or apology, and just expects us to be the same? We're _way_ past tree- and water-walking!"

"Hn," Sasuke agreed, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

"Eh, guys, maybe we shouldn't be too hard on him," Naruto said slowly.

"And why's that?" Sakura demanded. "He's a lousy ninja and a lousy sensei! When we get back, we're going to the Hokage and demanding a new one! I don't care if it isn't done! There's no way we can stay with someone who won't even bother teaching us anymore!"

"Hn," Sasuke said in agreement.

"Look, maybe he's just had a bad time or something. I think I heard that he broke up with his girlfriend or something."

"So did you," Sasuke said.

"Yeah, but that's different!"

"You had a girlfriend?" Sakura wondered.

"It doesn't matter! Look, sensei probably felt a lot more than I did for mine, because I didn't act like that. Maybe they were getting married or something?"

"I doubt it," Sakura said. "Kakashi doesn't seem the type to want to get married. And so what if he broke up with his girlfriend? He's a ninja! Ninja aren't supposed to let their emotions affect them like that!"

"Hn," Sasuke said, staring pointedly at Naruto.

"Oh, fine," Naruto sighed. "When we get back, we'll talk to Jiji and ask him if he can't knock some sense into Baka-sensei."

"No," Sasuke said.

"What?" Naruto wondered.

"We're getting a new sensei. Kakashi's an idiot. He never wanted to teach us in the first place. You remember how he was at first."

"Yeah," Sakura agreed, "his girlfriend probably _made_ him teach us! And now that she's gone, he doesn't even care about us because he doesn't have to impress her!"

Naruto wanted to protest. He wanted to defend Kakashi and protect him – but he couldn't refute the claims of his teammates. They were right. Kakashi _was_ a lousy sensei. He _didn't_ want to teach Team 7, and if it hadn't been for Hisoka being so short with him and irate about his lack of teaching, then Kakashi probably wouldn't have even taught them tree- and water-walking until now, when he had no choice but to give them something more to defend themselves with. Naruto sighed, feeling pain in his chest as he said, "You're right."

"Of course we're right! Never again will I go on a mission with Kakashi! Genin's sensei are supposed to protect their students, and nurture them. Kakashi can't even take care of himself; how could he take care of a team?"

"And no excuses," Sasuke snapped at Naruto before he could open his mouth. "We're getting a new sensei, and that's final."

After their talk, things became tense around Kakashi. If Kakashi noticed, he didn't say anything. The jounin regained his health and then took over the mission again, spending time on the bridge with two of his genin while one stayed back at the house. And after a week of being there, the attack finally happened. And the genin learned to kill. Naruto took care of the two men who attacked Tsunami and Inari by slitting their throats after carrying them away into the woods. He'd made sure that the two civilians couldn't see him while he did it, but they had to have known that he would do it; he couldn't just leave them tied up because they would wake up after a time and undoubtedly go back to what they'd been doing before. He got to the bridge in time to find Kakashi fighting Zabuza and Sasuke caught in an ice dome. Sakura told him that Sasuke was trapped and couldn't get out, though his Sharingan had activated. She was protecting Tazuna in case someone else came to kill him while the others were busy. "Naruto," she said, "I think that if you can get Zabuza while he isn't expecting it, then the ninja controlling the ice will leave Sasuke alone."

"How come?" Naruto wondered.

"Remember how he saved Zabuza? He could have just continued with his mission, but he took the time to save his partner. And I heard him tell Sasuke that he was Zabuza's tool."

"So he cares for Zabuza and if I can kill him then he'll let his guard down."

Sakura nodded. She looked tense and there were shadows in her eyes as she realized that not everyone was going to be leaving this bridge alive. And it would be better for Konoha if Team 7 was the group to escape with their lives. "Right," said Naruto. "I'm on it."

Then he was sneaking towards Kakashi and Zabuza. He was just about to slam his kunai into the Zabuza's neck when the fake hunter-nin suddenly appeared in front of him. Naruto didn't have time to rearrange his position, so rather than slicing Zabuza's neck, he wound up slamming his kunai into the fake hunter-nin's right eye. Blood spurted out, splashing Naruto in the face. Naruto grimaced as he saw his kunai buried deep into the skull. The boy fell to his knees, stared at Naruto with a single wide eye, and then slumped down dead. Naruto tugged his weapon out of the now-empty eye socket and resisted the desire to gag or vomit at the squelching sound it made. Zabuza turned around in shock, realizing how close he'd come to death and that his partner had saved his life. "Haku!" he shouted.

Naruto gulped when the jounin turned his murderous eye upon the genin, completely forgetting about Kakashi, who was gaping at his student. Naruto backed away while the jounin advanced, noticing from the corner of his eye that Sasuke and Sakura were slinking closer. They'd need a distraction if they were going to get the jounin. "Hey! Haku, you said?" he taunted. "Bitch didn't even have a chance! My kunai slid into that whore like butter! Probably used to getting strangers' things slammed into him, huh? Pretty boy like that?"

Kakashi's eyes widened further and horror seemed to finally seep into his soul as he finally digested what was happening. One of his genin students had just killed for the first time. Said student was now mouthing off some pretty harsh and disgusting things to an insanely furious jounin. Kakashi was just about to jump into the fray when two kunai slammed into Zabuza. One cracked into his skull and another was buried into his neck. Zabuza didn't even have time to be surprised before he fell down dead. Sasuke and Sakura came upon Naruto, asking if he was okay. "I'm fine. Thanks for the help, guys."

"Hn," Sasuke smirked.

"Ha! Can't let you have all the fun!" Sakura shouted.

Then Gato arrived with what looked like a hundred mercenaries and ordered them to kill Tazuna and the shinobi. The three genin shared a determined look. Naruto sent three Kage Bunshin to protect Tazuna and then joined his teammates in the slaughter. Bodies fell onto the bridge or into the water. Blood slicked the surface and the genin had to use chakra to keep their feet steady. They couldn't determine whether their bodies were covered with their own blood or with the blood of their enemies. They didn't know who had taken down Gato, but they knew that they had each killed a number of men. Their clothes were stained with blood and they could taste the coppery tang in their mouths. When silence fell upon the bridge at last, they realized that Kakashi had actually joined them in the massacre but looked as though he thought it to be a dream. Tazuna appeared terrified when he realized what those three kids had done, how ruthlessly they had cut down their enemies.

"Kakashi, what should we do with the bodies?" Sakura finally asked.

"Bury or burn them," Kakashi said vacantly. "Zabuza and Gato have bounties on their heads, so they need to be placed in storage scrolls."

"Right. First Zabuza and Gato. Then pile the rest up on the bank, team!" Sakura ordered.

Sasuke and Naruto followed her orders and the three of them got to work. Naruto decapitated Gato and Sasuke cut off Zabuza's head. Sakura opened up a couple of storage scrolls and they sealed the heads inside, trying not to be sick as they did so. Then they piled the bodies up on the lake's bank. Sakura gave out her orders: "First let's get some wood on them. Then I'm going to create a barrier around the bodies, to protect us and the forest. Sasuke, use your fireball jutsu when I'm done. And Naruto, make sure the fire keeps burning hot when Sasuke's done. Try to keep the flames away from the trees. Blow the smell away from the village if you can."

They nodded and did as she ordered. They piled branches on the bodies, building a macabre fire pit of wood and cadavers. Sakura used her earth affinity in a jutsu she'd recently learned and she raised the earth around the corpses until it created a large basin. Sasuke then sucked in a large breath and blew fire. The clothes and hair caught fire first, then the wood lit up in flame and the smell of burning flesh permeated the air. Naruto kept the fire burning strong by controlling the currents of air and feeding the flames, but he couldn't keep the smell away from his team if he wanted to keep it away from the village. The genin of Team 7 turned green and covered their faces with their clothes. It took twenty minutes for the skin to burn off the bodies and the organs and blood to bubble out of them. When Naruto pulled the air out of the fire, all that was left was a large pile of smouldering ashes and bones. Sakura used her earth jutsu to bury the remains and then the three of them, in tandem, turned around and vomited. They heaved until there was nothing left, and continued even a bit after their stomachs were empty and bile stopped coming out of their mouths.

"Let's get cleaned up," Naruto said quietly. "Just use the lake. I don't think Tsunami would appreciate us tracking blood into her home."

The three of them walked into the lake and watched in fascination as the water around them turned a rusty brown. They scrubbed at their skin and their hair and their clothes, but the sticky feel of blood didn't seem to come off. Eventually they left the lake and looked clean, but they still felt dirty. They buried the two bodies Naruto had left in the forest near Tsunami's house and then took turns showering. When they were as clean as could be, they ignored Kakashi's look and went into the room Sakura had been using the first night. Then they pushed the two futons together and fell onto them, curling up and taking comfort in each other. It took some time for them to fall asleep, and each of them shed a few tears and shuddered, but eventually they fell into an uneasy sleep filled with nightmares of blood and bubbling, burning flesh.

* * *

Kakashi kept trying to speak to his genin, or comfort them, but the trio refused to talk to him. He hadn't protected them on this mission, and they'd had to kill because of it. Even Naruto felt a little resentful toward Kakashi, though he did still feel awful about the whole situation. But Sasuke and Sakura were adamant about not giving the man another chance – and they were right. Kakashi had failed them as a sensei and as their leader out in the field. They weren't safe with him so long as he continued to act stupidly. So the three of them pushed away their disappointment and stuck closely together. They slept next to each other every night and kept close while they ran through the trees after their mission was complete and the construction of the bridge was over. Their first kill had been a massacre, and it had been awful and terrible. But they were shinobi and shinobi were trained killers. They cried and vomited and awoke in the night from nightmares, but they pushed through their grief and horror together as a team and grew ever closer because of it.

When they walked through the gates of Konoha, every ninja worth his title knew that they had had their first kill. It showed in the shadows they now had in their eyes, the slump they had weighing down their shoulders, the careful way they observed the world around them for threats. No ninja enjoyed seeing this in young genin, but they knew that it would happen eventually. Ninja couldn't stay away from death: it was part of the job description. The Hokage, however, was furious the moment he laid eyes on Team 7. "Report!" he commanded.

Kakashi laid down what had happened on their mission and motioned to Sakura to give the Hokage the scrolls. Sakura gently placed them on the Hokage's desk and watched as her leader motioned to the ANBU to pick them up. Team 7 winced when Bird opened Zabuza's before them, clearly in disbelief that a group of genin could kill the criminal. Zabuza's head hadn't decomposed at all. The kunai that had been in his head was back inside Sakura's pouch and so nothing held the back of his skull together anymore. Brain matter and blood dripped onto the Hokage's clean office floor. Bird and Crane seemed to stiffen for a moment before apologizing. Bird re-sealed the head and Crane cleaned up the floor. Then they vanished in two puffs of smoke, leaving a heavy silence to permeate the office. "Why didn't you return?" he asked.

"We could handle it," Kakashi said.

"You, who are used to killing, could easily handle it. I agree. But three genin, fresh out of the Academy, did not deserve to spill so much blood on their first mission outside of Konoha. You should have taken them back when you realized your client had lied and the mission was ranked well above what a genin should take. I won't punish you because this will doubtlessly benefit Konoha's trade agreements and business with Wave. But I want to speak to your genin alone. Dismissed."

Kakashi bowed and left the office. The Hokage turned to the genin, but didn't speak. The three shared a look and nodded to Sakura. The pink-haired girl swallowed and sucked in a breath before saying, "Hokage-sama, Team 7 requests that it be given a new sensei."

The Hokage's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Kakashi is not fit to be a genin sensei," Sasuke said quietly.

"He was absent for three weeks before this mission," Sakura explained. "And then he came to us and told us we were going on a mission. Then he didn't know where we were at in our training and had us do training exercises we'd mastered weeks ago. He doesn't know how to be a good sensei. He doesn't teach, and he didn't protect us on this mission. He treated us like incompetent subordinates. Then we had to save him because he kept trying to do everything on his own when he had us there to support him."

"I see. You all agree on this?"

Naruto and Sasuke both nodded.

"You do realize how serious a request this is, correct?"

"We do, Jiji," Naruto said. "But like Sakura said, he's a bad teacher. He doesn't give us enough attention to teach us properly or to know where we're at in our training. We started elemental manipulation a few weeks ago, and he was having us do the tree-walking exercise. He doesn't know how to have students; I think he's better suited as a mission-taking shinobi than a teaching shinobi."

"Genin sensei are supposed to protect their students in and out of the field," Sasuke said quietly. "Kakashi can't deal with that."

The Hokage nodded. "I'll see what I can do. I make no promises, but I will try to determine whether or not to get you a new sensei, and if so, who that sensei will be."

They nodded and then the three of them left the office. "Ramen?" Naruto asked his team-mates.

Sasuke and Sakura rolled their eyes, but they smiled and nodded anyway.


	9. His Smile

**WARNING:** So... just a warning, but there's some R-rated stuff in this chapter which I _cannot_ believe I wrote. But, I think it turned out okay. Another warning: I use the proper words for the proper parts, though some of you might balk at the language if not the content. There are no flowers here. You have been warned!

Also, it's going to be a bit shorter than some of the previous chapters (sorry!), but I feel that it has to be this way... I don't think it can be properly integrated into the next chapter and I don't feel like trying and mucking it up, so it's going to stand on its own at just over 2000 words.

* * *

**Affection**

Naruto woke up to someone banging loudly and near-violently on Hisoka's door. Naruto knew that it was Kakashi. The Hokage, rumour had it, had summoned Kakashi about something important. And Kakashi had gone away looking ashamed. He wondered for several minutes if it would be a good idea, but then he decided that Kakashi needed someone right now - and Naruto himself would just worsen the situation, since he was one of three to request a new sensei. So Naruto climbed out of his window and into Hisoka's bedroom. He Henged into the girl, put on a bathrobe over her pyjamas, and went to open the door. Kakashi stumbled in. "What is it, Kakashi-san?" he asked.

"Hisoka, I've ruined everything!"

Naruto sighed but closed the door behind his sensei and then led the man towards Hisoka's couch. "What did you ruin, Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi looked at her with pain in his eyes, clearly noticing the honorific she was giving him, but he answered regardless: "I'm the worst sensei in the village – no, in all the elemental nations."

"I'm sure it's not so bad."

"Hokage-sama took them away from me!" Kakashi shouted. "He – he said they _wanted_ to have another sensei. And he agreed. I... I failed them. They killed, Hisoka. I just stood there and let them kill for the first time. I couldn't talk to them after, either, because they wouldn't let me. They don't trust me – and... and they shouldn't. I'm awful, Hisoka! Sensei would be ashamed of me. No, Sensei would hate me. I let his son kill and I didn't even help him through the pain of his first kill. I had to let other green genin do it when they were suffering the same heartache."

"Son? Kakashi, the Yondaime was your sensei, and he didn't have a son."

"He did," Kakashi said quietly. "Naruto's his son."

Naruto gasped and stumbled backwards over the tea table, falling to the floor. "You're lying. There's no way the Yondaime is Naruto's father."

"He is," Kakashi said pitifully. "And I failed him! Sensei would kill me if he were alive!"

The Yondaime was... Naruto's father? But that couldn't be true. If Namikaze Minato were Naruto's father, then the villagers wouldn't treat Naruto like they did, Kyuubi or not! If he was the son of a hero, he would be taken care of! "If Naruto was Yondaime-sama's son, then why didn't you raise him?"

"I couldn't..."

"Why?" he demanded. He couldn't understand... if the Yondaime was Naruto's father, then Kakashi, as his student and team-mate, should have helped provide for Naruto if not raise him. That's just how Konoha shinobi worked! - they helped each other, unlike most of the other nations.

"Because... because Naruto looks so much like him! He looks just like Sensei! I couldn't stand to look at him when I first became his sensei. He looks just like Sensei..."

"So you ignored him? You let him suffer and grow up alone and hated because you _couldn't stand to look at him_!?"

"Why are you getting so upset? It's not like you even know him!" Kakashi shouted, standing up and glaring at her.

"Oh, _I don't know him_?" Naruto demanded bitterly. "Where do you think his food comes from? Or his clothes? Or did you think that Konoha's citizens wouldn't stoop to giving him rotten food and awful clothes? A year after he moved in here I was buying his groceries and his clothes! I've done more for him that you have!" _And I'm not even real_, Naruto left out.

"I'm his sensei!"

"And a rotten sensei you turned out to be! You wouldn't have even taught them anything if it weren't for me getting on your case about it! You'd have left them for dead on a bad mission!"

"How can you say that? I thought you loved me!"

"We've been over for nearly two months, Kakashi-san! You need to get your head out of your ass and start acting responsible! I heard what happened on that mission – you didn't protect them! You were supposed to protect them, not _help them massacre a bunch of thugs_! And now that the Hokage is taking them away from you, you've finally realized how shitty a teacher you've been and you're trying to make excuses! Well no more! They won't be your students or subordinates any more, and they can finally be treated right!" she shouted back.

There was a moment of silence, and then Kakashi spoke: "You're right."

"What?"

"I'm just making excuses. You know how I was when I first met you, Hisoka. You know that I haven't really been living since Sensei died. But you left me – how was I supposed to take that! The only thing worth living for in the world leaving me?"

"Kakashi-san, you made friends. Friends are supposed to take care of you."

"But I couldn't be with them without you. You're the only thing that makes me feel alive. Without you, I'm just a tool. I'm just a shinobi who will kill and die for his Kage."

"You're more than that."

"No I'm not. Not without you."

"Oh, Kakashi," Naruto said sadly. Then he wrapped Hisoka's arms around Kakashi and sat down on the couch, holding the man as he gripped her arms and cried into her neck. Naruto rubbed the man's back and ran Hisoka's fingers through his hair, murmuring comforting words as Kakashi's shaking slowly came to a stop. The man finally ceased and took a shuddering breath before looking up and meeting Hisoka's eyes. Naruto knew that look. Kakashi pulled down his mask and leaned forward, pressing their lips together. Naruto pushed him away, "No, Kakashi-san. I don't think this is a good idea."

"Please, Hisoka. I can't stand not being with you."

She swallowed heavily, spit sliding down her throat. Kakashi looked pathetic. And Naruto was falling for it. Hisoka's hard eyes slowly softened and Kakashi knew he'd won. He kissed her again, gently. The longer they kissed, the more Naruto caved. Hisoka's body was warming up. Naruto knew that they needed to stop. He shouldn't have even pretended to be Hisoka. Hisoka was supposed to be on a mission – she was supposed to die on her mission and vanish from Konoha forever. She wasn't supposed to be here, kissing Kakashi. Naruto was an idiot - everyone was right about that. He should have known better - this was _Kakashi_. Kakashi _always_ manipulated situations like this to his liking, social retardation or not, that man knew how to get his way when he wanted to.

Kakashi's mouth moved onto Hisoka's neck and Naruto groaned, harshly tugging on his sensei's hair. He was going to fall for it. He was turning back into Hisoka and he couldn't stop it. He yanked his sensei's head back by his hair and attacked his mouth furiously. They kissed with violent need, teeth sometimes clacking as they battled for control. Kakashi pulled her body against his own and she moaned as she felt his hardness against her bum. Kakashi lifted her up into his arms and stumbled into her bedroom. He put her down on her feet and untied her bathrobe before slowly pushing it off her shoulders, meeting her eyes as his hands slowly glided down her bare arms. Her mouth was dry from the needy look in his eye. She shivered but didn't stop him when he pulled her tank top over her head. He then pushed her back onto the bed and stared at her hungrily, eyes lingering over her exposed breasts. He pulled off his uniform with ritual ease and then slid over her, his naked skin brushing against her legs. She swallowed at the sight of his hard cock, but didn't have time to do or say anything before his lips took hers again.

His roughened hands cupped her breasts and massaged them, softly pinching her nipples. She moaned and threw her head back as that familiar warmth shot down her belly and into her groin. Her arms came around Kakashi's back and she pulled his body against hers, sucking in a sharp breath when she felt his dick against her pyjama shorts. He tugged down her shorts and threw them onto the floor. Then he met her eyes in question and she could see the lust and need and desire in him. She nodded, barely hesitating. He guided his cock to her opening and watched her face as he slowly slid into her. She heard him groan, muttering about her vagina being _so tight_, and, after a pause to regain his control, he began moving. His thrusts began slow, letting her get used to his girth, but when she bit her lip at the strange, stinging sensation he lost control and slammed into her. She yelped in surprise and then moaned. Her legs encircled his waist and she helped him along, pulling him towards her and further within her. It felt weird to have a penis inside of her, but it was much better than anything she'd tried before. Fingers didn't have the same length or width – and they didn't _pulsate_ within her. She could practically _feel_ Kakashi's racing heart through his dick. It was intimate and frightening and – pleasant.

Then one of Kakashi's hands released her hip and his thumb brushed against her clitoris. Hisoka jolted and gasped as what had once been pleasant and pleasurable became an incomprehensive overload. She jerked and dug her nails deep into Kakashi's shoulders, tossing her head from side to side as the sensations became too much. It didn't take long for her to come after that. Her body tensed the nearer it got to completion, and when she finally reached her climax, she twitched and convulsed. Her mouth opened in a silent scream and her eyes closed tightly. Kakashi's thrusts became wilder and he lost his rhythm as her walls clenched around his cock. He groaned and jerked when he came, spurting hot seed into her cunt and latching his teeth onto her neck.

When Hisoka regained her senses many minutes later, she realized that Kakashi had fallen asleep. He hadn't even pulled his dick out of her vagina; it remained within her, flaccid now, but _so noticeable_. It actually kind of aroused her... That's when Hisoka was finally hit with what she'd done. She stared up at the ceiling with horror as it dawned on her that she'd just had sex with her sensei, a man fourteen years older than her, a man who thought she was an older woman and not a thirteen-year-old boy. She'd just lost her virginity – _Naruto_ had lost his virginity _to his fucking sensei_. His sensei, who would soon no longer be his sensei. His sensei who had just had an emotional breakdown that was a long-time coming after his avoidance and now would most likely think that he and Hisoka were together again. And he would no doubt rely on Hisoka for emotional stability, just like he had before, even though she hadn't realized it. Shit.

* * *

When Naruto woke up as Hisoka, he was terribly confused. Then he remembered what had happened the night before. He'd had sex with Kakashi. Dear god, if the Hokage found out about this... "Morning," Kakashi said brightly, dropping a closed-mouth kiss on his bed partner.

"Uh, morning, Kakashi."

Kakashi smiled happily at the lack of honorific and snuggled into her side, wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on her chest. Hisoka looked at him contemplatively, wondering what she should do. Then he kissed her breast and mischievously brought his lips down onto her nipple. She sucked in a breath and decided to think about this later.

They spent the rest of the morning having sex – though Hisoka suspected that the manner it happened should be likened to "making love" with how gentle Kakashi was. They fell back onto the pillows when it was over and Kakashi pulled her onto his chest, running his fingers through her damp and tangled hair. "I missed you," he said quietly.

She swirled her finger around his chest and decided to be honest: "I missed you too."

He sighed in relief, and the tension she hadn't noticed was there finally dissipated. "I was afraid you hadn't."

She rubbed her face against his neck, enjoying the physical contact. "We should shower. I've got a mission to do today."

That was a lie. She had to meet up with her team at the Hokage Tower to see about this new sensei. "Will you be back by tonight?"

She hesitated, biting her lip. Should she see Kakashi again? She could still die on a mission... But one look at Kakashi's hopeful face and she caved. She smiled gently at him and nodded, "I might be a bit late, but I should be able to make it back by tonight."

"Then let's shower!" he grinned, pulling her towards the bathroom.

She laughed at him, feeling some of the happiness she'd lost over the weeks without him come back. They showered together – which turned into more sex, and Hisoka's vagina was really going to get raw if they did it this often – and then he grinned happily at her and said he'd see her when she got back. She closed the door behind him and took a moment to collect herself. This was insane. _She_ was insane. How was she supposed to balance being Naruto and being Hisoka? Kakashi wasn't going to be doing team training or missions with Naruto anymore, so she couldn't easily balance their schedules. It would be difficult and trying both physically and mentally, but... she couldn't help feel that it would also be worth it, if only to see him smile.

* * *

**AN:** Again, thank you for the reviews! I've gotten quite a few good ones, telling me what they liked and what they didn't. I'd like to address one here: the massacre during the Wave mission might seem horribly unbelievable for three thirteen-year-old genin, but you have to remember that they're _ninja_, and in my opinion that means they're way above the missionaries and thugs Gato brought - they have better weapons, speed, agility, the use of chakra and jutsu, and don't forget that Kakashi joined them in the slaughter, so they didn't exactly go at it alone. Hopefully this explanation makes sense.

Vale!


	10. A New Sensei

**Sorry for posting the chapter twice... I screwed it up the first time, 'cause I forgot to add something! **

* * *

**A New Sensei**

Team 7 met at the bridge and then walked to the Hokage Tower together. Naruto felt like a traitor. Team 7 had gotten rid of Kakashi because he was more harm than good, and now Naruto was sleeping with him. He tried to forget about it, but his teammates noticed that he was acting weird and asked him about it. He wouldn't answer. There was no way in hell that he'd let them know... the tentative friendship they'd finally made would be fractured if they knew. Naruto hadn't ever had friends before, and now that he did he didn't want to lose them - even if that meant hiding his relationship with Kakashi from them.

"I've found you a new sensei," the Hokage said after they entered his office. "This is Shiranui Genma. He will be your new sensei."

"Hey kids!" Genma-sensei greeted patronizingly with a wave.

They shared a look before returning the wave, "Hi, Genma-sensei!"

"Hm. Well, see ya later, Hokage-sama! Come on, kids, let's go see where you're at in your training. Then maybe we'll take a mission or something."

Team 7 followed him to their usual training spot and then stood before him as he thought about how best to determine their strengths. Eventually he decided to see how well they were at taijutsu and teamwork by having them spar him. Genma was pleasantly surprised with his new students. Team 7 worked in perfect harmony and while their taijutsu could use a bit of work, their teamwork was near-flawless. They'd even managed to get a couple of hits on him. "Okay, stop!"

"How'd we do, Genma-sensei?" Sakura asked.

"I'm impressed. I thought the Hokage said Kakashi-san didn't teach you anything?"

"He did teach us some things," Sakura said, "But we only really got better when we practiced on our own, when he left us for three weeks."

"He left you for three weeks? Was he on a mission or something?" Genma wondered. He hadn't been told much about _why_ he needed to substitute for Kakashi, only that he had to.

"No," Sasuke said.

"He might have been," Sakura allowed, "but he didn't tell us. We didn't know where he was or what he was doing – we didn't see him at all, so we just trained on our own."

"Hm. Well, let's see where you are with chakra control and ninjutsu."

They showed him their tree-walking, water-walking, all the jutsu they knew, and then went on to tell him about their elemental affinities and where they were at with their training there.

"Wait, wait!" he stopped them. "You trained yourselves in elemental chakra without a jounin around? Are you stupid? You could have killed each other, or yourselves!"

"Heh, we nearly did a few times!" Naruto laughed. "But we're fine. We got it!"

"Lucky is what you are. That's not the sort of thing you go learning on your own - chakra manipulation at such a high level is dangerous until you reach a certain level of efficiency. You're all in one piece, so that's good, but I'm going to want to test you all separately on that to see where you're at. Not today, though. You've already used up a lot of chakra with the jutsu you guys showed me. What about genjutsu?"

"Ehh..." Naruto said.

Sakura blushed, "We didn't think about that."

"Okay. I'll put an easy genjutsu on you guys. I want you to figure out what it's doing, dispel it, and then tell me what you noticed. I won't tell you when I put it on you guys, so turn around."

It took Sakura three seconds to figure out she was under a genjutsu, Sasuke took half a minute, and Naruto stood there impatiently under the jutsu without realizing it. Genma sighed. "Somebody whack him for me, will you?"

Naruto shouted when a hand came out of nowhere and hit him. He stared in confusion as Sasuke, who had been standing three feet away from him, magically appeared beside him. "Huh?"

"You were under a genjutsu, idiot."

"Oh," he said sheepishly. "Heh, sorry, sensei! Didn't notice!"

"Yeah... Okay, I know what I want to work on first. Sakura, you were the first to notice. Sasuke, it took you a bit longer to notice, but you eventually did. And Naruto... well, we're going to work on it. See, genjutsu isn't always going to be scary shit like huge monsters or haunted houses; it's usually going to be something simple, like making it look like your teammates aren't doing anything, or switching the victim's depth perception."

"Then how do you know you're under a genjutsu?" Naruto wondered.

Genma motioned to Sakura and Sasuke. "I felt the shift in foreign chakra around me," Sakura said.

"Same. And Naruto wasn't moving – he never stands still."

"So you didn't feel anything, Naruto?"

Naruto shook his head.

"I guess you haven't worked on chakra sensing. That's not unusual, for genin, but I think it's the best place to start with you guys. Knowing how to get out of genjutsu is a required skill. Naruto, I'm guessing that you have so much chakra that you just can't tell when someone adds a little bit to your own."

Naruto shrugged.

"Probably," Genma decided. "So here's what we're going to do. It'll be boring, I warn you, but you guys are going to learn to meditate. That's how my sensei taught me, and that's how I'll teach you. So sit down and close your eyes."

Team 7 sat down and closed their eyes, waiting for further instruction. Naruto squirmed a bit, hating this already. He didn't mind meditating after his runs, when he was tired and alone (except for when Kakashi joined him... but that was different!), but it was hard to focus knowing that Sasuke and Sakura were nearby. And the way Genma-sensei stared at them made him uncomfortable.

"Naruto, stop moving. I know it's hard to keep still when you have a lot of energy, but this'll be worth it. Now, I want you three to focus on your breathing. Feel the air enter your nose and expand your chest. Let it out and feel your chest fall and the air leave your lungs. Try not to think about anything but your breath. This exercise is good for more than just chakra sensing. Meditation is a useful tool to control your emotions, and I want you guys to do it at least an hour each day outside of team practice. It's good for your mental and emotional health, so don't slack.

"When you start to feel calm, I want you to turn your attention toward your body. Feel your heart beat. Feel the blood rush through your veins. Be aware of your body Try to let go of any tension and relax into the grass."

The three genin breathed slowly and paid attention to their bodies, feeling them tingle strangely.

"Good. Now, Sasuke and Naruto, I want you to focus on your stomach near the solar plexus. Sakura, focus a couple of inches beneath your naval. These are the roots of your chakra. This is where it's formed. You should feel that your body's a bit warmer there than anywhere else. You should feel your chakra pulsing there and flowing out of that region into the rest of your chakra system. Can you feel it?"

The three nodded, eyebrows slightly scrunched as they focussed on their chakra like this for the first time. They'd never just experienced it. They'd always just used it, knowing it was there but not experiencing it.

"Good. Get to know it. Notice how it feels different from the rest of your body. This is going to help you, Naruto. You should be able to tell the difference between your chakra and someone else's because they feel different. No two persons have the same chakra. Then, when you think you understand the feeling, I want you to turn your focus outwards. Try to feel the ground. Notice how it has its own feeling. This is called natural chakra. Don't try to mimic this chakra or take it into your body, because you'll turn into an animal or an amphibian if you do. It's dangerous without the right teacher, and I'm pretty sure only the Sannin Jiraiya knows how to do it properly. So just notice that it's different. Notice that it has a different feeling from your own. Then go even further. Try to feel each other's chakra. You should be able to tell the difference between the natural chakra of the grass and the chakra of your team-mates."

They did as told, turning their attention towards each other. Their brows smoothed as they felt each other's chakra for the first time, a warm sense of familiarity hitting each of them.

"Great, now go back into yourselves. Take a deep breath, feeling the air enter your lungs. Exhale and feel it exit. Now open your eyes."

They opened their eyes, all looking extremely calm and happy.

Genma grinned at them. "Great! Now talk to me about it. I've never taught this to anyone before."

They explained how their own chakra felt to them, then how the grass felt, and finally how their team-mates felt. Sakura couldn't help but shout: "That was incredible, sensei!"

"Hn," Sasuke agreed.

"Yeah, yeah! That was awesome! I don't think I've ever sat still in my whole life without needing to move!"

Genma smiled at them. "I'm proud of you. It usually take a few tries to get all that. Alright, let's end it here for the day. I'll set up your training regimen tomorrow – we'll work on different things on different days, though I think we'll start with chakra sensing each day – and then we'll go on a mission or two in the afternoon. Sound good?"

"Yeah!" Naruto shouted. "Genma-sensei, you're the best!"

Genma laughed, bade them farewell, and was off toward the Hokage Tower to report his findings. The Hokage would be interested to know that Team 7 was so advanced – especially in elemental chakra manipulation. No genin was really supposed to know that, especially not recent graduates.

"I like him," Sasuke said when Genma-sensei was out of earshot.

"Me too," said Naruto.

"He's a good sensei," Sakura said. "I think we're actually going to learn things with him – we won't have to figure everything out on our own anymore."

The smiled at each other hopefully and then waved each other goodbye.

* * *

Naruto had been home for a few hours, resting up and reading a C-rank jutsu scroll that Sakura had gotten for him from the shinobi library, when he heard the faint sound of Kakashi knocking on Hisoka's door. The smile that had been on his face dropped. He sighed, rubbing his forehead. He left a Kage Bunshin behind to finish his reading and pretend to be Naruto while he was gone, Henged into Hisoka, threw on a female shinobi uniform, and climbed into Hisoka's apartment. When she opened the door, Kakashi greeted her with a smile and held up a steaming box of take-out. "I thought you might be hungry," he said sheepishly.

Hisoka smiled at him and waved him in. "I just got back," she said.

"So you're hungry, then?" he asked.

Naruto had eaten a few hours ago, but he was a growing boy and had trained for a number of hours after his new sensei had released his team from practice. "I'm hungry," she smiled.

Kakashi kissed her gently on the lips and then took out some plates, motioning for her to sit at the table as he got everything ready to eat. "What kind of tea?"

"I think I could go for some camomile," she said.

Kakashi nodded and set the kettle going, then prepared the tea and brought it to the table. She sighed happily and breathed in the comforting scent before taking a sip. "Thanks, Kakashi."

They ate a quiet dinner, filled with light chatter, and then did the dishes together. "Hisoka, I wanted to apologize."

"Why?" she wondered.

"Well, I... I haven't acted responsibly since we stopped... But that's going to change! I'm going to be better. I'm going to apologize to my genin and set things right!"

"I think they already have a new sensei, Kakashi. Naruto was talking about it."

His shoulders slumped. "You think he's better than me?"

Hisoka pursed her lips, wanting to tell him that Genma _was_ better than him at teaching. Team Seven had learned a ton, and it was only the first day! She settled for a more comforting version, though: "Kakashi, I think their new sensei is going to be good for them. From what Naruto told me, they seemed to enjoy their first training session with him. I do think you should apologize to them, but I don't think you should fight to get them back. You aren't suited to teaching genin, I don't think. You didn't even want to pass this team – and you said so yourself that you wouldn't have if you'd had a choice in the matter."

"I know, but I just feel... like I failed. I was supposed to teach them, and the only reason I taught them anything was to make you happy."

"I suspected so... I think you're more suited to taking missions and directing a team of experienced higher-ranking ninja than green genin. Genin require a lot of attention, a bit of babying, and a ton of protecting. Not everyone can provide that, and the reason you've never taken a team before them was that you knew you wouldn't make a good sensei, not for genin anyway. It's not your fault that the Council and the Hokage pressured you into taking Team Seven. You might still have to help Sasuke with his Sharingan if he asks for it, and you'll still be able to give them pointers if you're ever put on a mission together or wandering by. They're in better hands now, so don't dwell on it."

"You're right," he sighed.

"Of course I'm right!" she teased.

"Maa, you're always right, Soka-chan!"

They laughed together for a while before Kakashi pounced. They wound up in bed again. Hisoka had suspected that he'd want to have sex again, but she hadn't figured he'd want _so much_ of it. When they collapsed for the third and final time that night, Hisoka was left panting in exhaustion (though she couldn't deny that she didn't mind too terribly... the sex was pretty great, after all). "That's some stamina you've got," she said.

Kakashi laughed at her, nuzzling her neck, and then whispered tiredly, "What, you aren't ready for another round?"

"Good god! Kakashi, I think if I have sex again I won't be able to wake up tomorrow morning!"

"Mmm, then you could skip your mission and spend the day with me in bed."

She laughed. "I wouldn't be able to walk after a day like that."

"And then we could spend even more time in bed!"

She smacked him, rolling her eyes as he laughed at her.

* * *

**AN:** So there's the new chapter (two in one week, even though they were both short... but I had two exams this week and I've got three next week, so you can't really blame me!). Hopefully you all like the teacher I've chosen for them - it was hard to pick one that I felt would suit the team, but Genma's such a laid-back and lovable guy that I couldn't help myself - and enjoyed that last scene... I thought it was really sweet, even though it was a bit bitter as well. Dark chocolate, I guess. Yes, I said it... even though I hate dark chocolate. Eh...


	11. As a Team

**AN: **Here's where the differences with Team Seven really shine through - and this is the final chapter before the "Great Revelation". Next chapter is going to be the tipping of the hand, I promise you that. No more bush-beating. I'm going to be rushing through most of the Chunin Exams here for the simple fact that they really don't have much to do with the story except to prove how far the team has come and how much better they are as a team, which I will show anyway in the final fight scene. I love it when Team Seven acts like a proper team; it gives me the warm fuzzies! Anyway, have fun and thank you for the inspiring reviews and stats.

* * *

**As a Team**

If Naruto had found dealing with being both Naruto and Hisoka tough before, it was nothing compared to now. He might have an awful lot of stamina because of his training and the Kyuubi, but after some of Hisoka and Kakashi's more wild nights, it was tough getting up in the morning. He was tired. He trained to exhaustion with his team, did a couple of missions, had a bit of rest, and then Kakashi would come over or Hisoka would go to his place and they'd eat, talk and joke around, and inevitably wind up in bed for the rest of the night. Sometimes they didn't fall asleep until three in the morning. Naruto had to fake a couple of long missions just to get some rest before Team Seven went on the longer C-rank missions. Hisoka's mission would start a couple of days before Naruto's, and she would arrive back a day or three after he did. Sometimes she was gone a week more, if Team Seven got a tough mission and Naruto was tired afterwards.

What Naruto couldn't deny, though, was that he was sleeping more soundly than ever, eating better and more than he had in those weeks he wasn't with Kakashi, and was generally feeling a whole lot happier. He was glad that Sasuke and Sakura were feeling much happier, too, or they might get suspicious of his own contentment. But Genma-sensei was the greatest! He taught them so much and they were improving fast. They could sense chakra as well as any low-level jounin now thanks to all that meditation and sensing training, and their taijutsu and ninjutsu had come a long way. Genma said that they were chunin level already. Which was why he was signing them up for the Chunin Exams.

"Alright, practice is over for today. Come here, I've got an announcement!"

"What is it?" Naruto wondered. "Do we have a super-cool escort mission?"

Genma good naturedly rolled his eyes, "No, Naruto. No super-cool missions. Well, that's not true. I've got a mission for you, if you're up to it. And it's definitely going to be super-cool."

"What is it? What is it?" Naruto demanded.

"Yeah, tell us, sensei, don't just drag it out like this!"

"The suspense is killing me," Sasuke said.

Yeah, Sasuke even joked now. It was incredible. Genma-sensei had forced Sasuke to talk about his brother, and then Team Seven had approached the problem of his brother together. They would all get strong as a team so that when Sasuke inevitably faced down his brother, he'd have great back up he could trust. It took a long time for Sasuke to get over his need to do it alone, but a month after their talk he admitted that his brother might have lied to him and that listening to what that crazy psycho told him to do might not have been the best idea. Sasuke could still hate him, but as they'd learned through meditation, acting emotionally in a fight – especially when that emotion was anger – would only cause trouble and failure. He was still an ass though – he just wasn't a rude, emotionally-retarded bastard anymore.

"Okay, okay," Genma smirked. "I've entered you in the Chunin Exams. The first thing you need to know is that for you to compete, you all have to go. This requires teamwork – at least, the first two parts do. So if one or two or all of you don't feel ready for it, then you don't show up and you can try again in six months."

"I think we're ready," Naruto said.

"We're ready," Sasuke agreed.

"We're going to kick their asses!" Sakura shouted, punching the air.

Genma laughed and handed them their papers. "Sign these, and go to room 301 in the Academy the day after tomorrow. I can't go with you, so you're on your own. But remember that teamwork is important. You enter as a team."

"Got it, sensei!" Naruto shouted. "Yeah! We're gonna be chunin!"

"If you pass, you will be," Genma said.

"We'll pass," Sasuke said.

"Definitely!" Sakura agreed.

* * *

Hisoka fell onto Kakashi's chest, breathing heavily. That was the first time she'd been on top, and the experience was incredible. Controlling the pace, being above her lover, watching him come undone beneath her, _because_ of her. According to Kakashi's half-lidded eye, he thought it was pretty fantastic too. "Why haven't we done that before?" he wondered.

She snorted. "Well, we've tried it just about every other way. We were bound to get here eventually."

"Hm..." he sounded. "Soka-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

She froze. Their eyes met and she saw how apprehensive he looked. He'd allowed her to control the pace tonight, and now he was confessing to her. "Kakashi?"

"We've only known each other for a bit over half a year, but I haven't felt so close to anybody before. Nobody else makes me feel the way you do – and nobody else ever will."

"You don't know that," she couldn't help but say.

"I do. You make me want to be a better man – I enjoy being human, I don't curse it like I used to. I used to want to shut all my emotions out, and I was terrified of feeling. I'm not anymore. Hisoka, I love you."

"And I love you, Kakashi," she replied. And she did.

"Do you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Have you ever known me to cater to your emotions?"

"No. You said I was a shitty sensei."

"And you are," she teased.

He nipped her neck playfully and they wrestled for a while, tickling and teasing each other before eventually stopping. "I do love you," she told him after they'd settled down. "It's crazy, but I do."

He smiled softly at her and sighed contentedly. "My old genin were elected to take the Chunin Exam."

"Do you think they'll go?"

"I know they will. I haven't seen them often, but I've spied on their training a few times. Genma-san knew I was watching of course, but he hasn't said anything about it. They're doing well. Really well. I think they're going to take the exam and they're going to pass."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm sad that I can't be there for them, but I'm glad that they're doing so well. I even yelled at Iruka-sensei for them."

"What?" she demanded in disbelief.

"Yeah, he was on Genma-san's case about entering them, saying they weren't ready for it, and I told him to shove it."

"Kakashi!"

"Hey, I was nice about it! I just said that if he'd just watch his students train, then he'd know they were ready for it. They're still kids, but they're ninja now. Capable ninja. Especially my little genin."

"Your little genin?"

"Maa," he said sheepishly, "I can't help but think of them that way. I'm actually fond of them. It's weird."

"Awe, does Kakashi love his little genin?"

"Shut up, Soka-chan," he said.

She laughed. "I'm sad that I'm going to have to miss it!"

"Miss it? The whole thing?" he wondered.

"Well, I'll be gone a while," she said, not knowing exactly how long the exam would take.

"But a month? Hisoka, they begin in a couple of days! You should have told me you'd be gone for so long."

"Eh, Kakashi, it's not a big deal. I didn't know about it until today."

"Oh," he sighed.

"It's alright, Kashi-kun. You can tell me all about it when I get back. I'm going to be leaving tomorrow night."

"Then we'd better make the most of the time you have left," he suggested, hands sliding over her body.

"Dear god, you're insatiable!"

* * *

Team Seven completed the first part of the exam without trouble. Sakura knew that Naruto wouldn't be able to answer any of the questions, but she'd seen him copy off of Hinata's page once. Because he'd only done it the once, they weren't in trouble. No matter how obvious it had been. She could tell that the examiner was ticked off with Naruto for that, but the boy just smiled cheekily at the head of Torture and Investigations, obviously not affected by his KI or glower.

The second part wasn't trouble either, though they had a close encounter with a very odd Grass shinobi. Thanks to Genma-sensei's training though, they sensed his hardly suppressed chakra from a couple of miles away, noticing how powerful and... disturbing (creepy) it felt. They barely managed to avoid the ninja, and it was really only because of the timely arrival of a giant centipede that they did escape: they latched onto the bug with their chakra while Naruto left behind Henged Kage Bunshin of them to deal with the Grass shinobi. It was luck that saved them.

They suppressed their chakra for the rest of the exam after their lucky escape because Naruto learned that the creep was after Sasuke and his "pretty eyes". Naruto advised Sasuke not to use his Sharingan after his clones had heard that, and Sasuke listened. They beat a weak team from Waterfall with their taijutsu alone, deciding to keep most of their skills hidden, if they were able, and to not draw the creep's attention to themselves by using a ton of chakra which he had obviously sensed when he'd found them earlier.

Then they had the preliminaries. Genma-sensei cheered them on with a previously unknown enthusiasm, making all three genin grin as their sensei boasted about them to the other sensei of Konoha. Team Seven proceeded to wipe the floor in their matches. Naruto and Sasuke easily took down their opponents with taijutsu (and Kage Bunshin in Naruto's case... Kiba didn't stand a chance), but they worried about Sakura when she went down to face Ino. Not because Ino was terribly strong, but because Ino was Sakura's childhood friend and she might have felt the need to handicap herself because of that.

Ino was no match for Sakura, though, and Sakura hadn't held back with her taijutsu and weapons. Ino seemed like a little girl playing ninja in comparison. Sakura beat Ino in an embarrassing two-minute-long fight – most of which was spent smirking at the tall-talking Ino. Genma-sensei laughed uproariously at Sarutobi Asuma, who was blushing and glaring at his fallen student, muttering about punishments and training. When the matches were over they got the number for their next fights and were told to train hard for the next month before the tournament would begin. Team Seven planned to be stronger and smarter by then.

* * *

The following month was spent training furiously. Naruto was thankful that Hisoka was "gone on a mission" the whole time because he didn't think that he would have been able to do more than train. His team continued with their team exercises and training in strength, stealth, speed, agility, genjutsu, taijutsu, ninjutsu, and accessing and manipulating their elemental affinities. But they had separate training as well. Three days a week were spent training as a team, and the other three were spent alone. Genma-sensei made sure to spend all day with one of them on their single days, and Team Seven enjoyed the fairness of it all. They loved how their sensei gave them equal attention and focused on their personal abilities while at the same time enforcing teamwork. There was really no better way to train – though Naruto did have to spend an inordinate amount of time avoiding a white-haired pervert who insisted on his signing a Summoning Contract with toads. Genma-sensei bonked Naruto on the head for not wanting to do so when he found out, but it was only because Naruto's team-mates had accepted this extra training from the weird Ero-Sennin that Naruto signed the contract and learned to summon toads.

When the time came for the final portion of their exam, Team Seven was both nervous and excited. Sasuke and Sakura cheered Naruto on as he trounced Neji; Naruto and Sasuke cheered as Sakura managed to outsmart her opponent; Sakura and Naruto cheered as Sasuke began to fight Gaara, but they stopped as soon as they felt the odd chakra that the Suna-nin exuded. "What is that?" Sakura wondered, shuddering.

"I don't know, but I think Sasuke should forfeit," Naruto admitted quietly.

"What!" Ino, who'd been sitting next to Shikamaru to show her support, screeched. "Sasuke could beat any of these stupid genin!"

"I don't think Sasuke should face this guy," Sakura said.

"What's up with you, Forehead?" Ino demanded. "Why don't you believe in Sasuke? He's so strong! I thought you loved him, but I guess I was wrong!"

"Ino, there's a difference between being strong and being stupid. I think Sasuke's strong, but I don't think he's stupid. He knows he has to forfeit this match. That guy's trying to kill him, not fight him. It'd be a waste to fight to the death in a tournament."

Just as Ino opened her big mouth to screech some more in indignation, Sasuke's voice rang loud and clear: "I forfeit."

You could hear the silence of the crowd as heavy disbelief descended upon them. When the shock was over, the crowd jumped out of their seats and screamed at Sasuke, calling him a pathetic coward. Despite his forfeiting, however, Gaara did not look like he was going to stop. The proctor told him to cease his fighting, but Gaara's sand flung the jounin out of the way as he turned his furious gaze on Sasuke. "Sakura!" Naruto said.

"Right!" she answered.

The two team-mates jumped down into the arena, falling in place beside their third member and staring the Suna-nin down. "This fight's over!" Naruto shouted.

"It's not over until he's dead! And if you get in my way, I'll kill you!"

Then he attacked, sending his sand towards them. Naruto utilized a wind jutsu to blow it away and Sakura slammed her hand to the ground in an earth jutsu to raise the earth to bury Gaara. It did nothing however, as the boy's sand lifted him above the range of the jutsu. Team Seven shared a determined look, exchanging minimal hand signs. They nodded at each other and then jumped back to avoid their enemy's sand once more. Naruto made ninety Kage Bunshin and Henged sixty into his team-mates, sending them toward Gaara while they watched, hidden beneath Sakura's genjutsu. "This guy's good," Sasuke said. "I'm not even sure how to beat him – nothing seems to be getting through his armour, and none of us has a water affinity to dampen the sand."

"Looks like we're under attack, too," Sakura said, motioning to the falling feathers, which placed the majority of the crowd under a sleep jutsu. They made sure that their own chakra didn't fall under the influence of the foreign chakra, and the genjutsu didn't affect them. "What're we going to – what the fuck?"

They stared in horror as Gaara, who'd been encased in sand during the relentless attack of Kage Bunshin, slowly transformed into a giant one-tailed sand demon. "He's a jinchuuriki!" Naruto gasped in realization, feeling the Kyuubi within him recognize the chakra of Shukaku.

"A what?" Sakura demanded.

"He's got the one-tailed demon Shukaku sealed within him," Naruto said.

"How do you know that?"

"Just trust me, I'll tell you after this is over! We gotta get him out of the stadium before he starts killing everyone! I'm going to summon Gamabunta! I've got an idea..."

The giant toad was summoned and the three genin stood on its head, clinging on with their chakra. Naruto directed the leader of the toads to stab Shukaku with his sword, which he did, and then they were off, hopping off a few miles away from the village and into the forest with a pissed-off tanuki demon following behind. "Sakura!" Naruto yelled.

"Hai!" Sakura shouted. She leaped off the toad and ran through a number of hand signs before slamming her hand on the ground. Earth spikes rose out of the ground, stabbing into the sandy skin of their opponent and successfully distracting the demon. The jutsu was supposed to be a C-rank utilized in trap setting, but Sakura was smart enough to be able to alter it to suit their needs. She'd been working on turning it into something offensive during her solo training.

"Gamabunta! Sasuke, get ready!" Naruto screamed over the raging of the beast before them.

Gamabunta spat out oil. The fountain of oil covered Shukaku and Sasuke flew through his hand signs, sucked in a deep breath, and exhaled forcefully. The giant fireball he emitted lit the oil. Naruto used a wind jutsu to accelerate the burning and the team watched as some of the demon's sand became glass beneath the scorching heat. But it wasn't enough, because the demon broke out of his new glass cage and cut down the spikes that were digging into it. "Naruto, it didn't work! What the hell are we supposed to do now!?" Sasuke asked, clearly trying to keep the hysteria out of his voice. They'd never fought an opponent like this before.

"Oi, Naruto!" Gamabunta said. "Look at the kid on top of Shukaku's head! He's asleep!"

"Huh?"

"Naruto, what if Shukaku can only come out when that kid sleeps?" Sakura asked, catching on to Gamabunta's thought.

"He did yell something about being free," Sasuke mused.

"Okay," Naruto said. "New plan. I've got another idea – and we won't have to get close, either."

"What's the plan?" Sakura wondered, looking slightly exhausted but determined. They _would _save their village from this monster!

"Sakura, catch him on something, distract him again – Sasuke, we're going to do something a bit different," Naruto grinned. "We're going to combine elements!"

Sasuke's eyes widened, but then they narrowed and he smirked as he heard what Naruto suggested. "You're on!"

Sakura used another earth jutsu, this one turning the ground under one of the demon's feet into quicksand. The sand beast flailed a bit and then turned its angry gaze on Sakura. She was terrified, but she would make her team proud! She just hoped that they'd hurry, because there were only so many Kawarimi she could use before she ran out of chakra.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was grimacing as he covered a handful of shuriken and kunai in lightening chakra. When the metal began melting slightly, he nodded to Naruto. Naruto did several hand signs and then shouted: "Now!"

Sasuke threw the weapons towards Gaara. Naruto's jutsu exploded in a violent gust of wind, spiralling into a mini tornado. The weapons were caught up in the jutsu and flew toward the sleeping redhead. Shukaku noticed them at the last minute, but was unable to thwart them all due to the vicious wind surrounding them. Because the weapons were made of normal metal, they couldn't conduct electricity or hold a charge for very long, but the lightening they retained was enough to send a small electric shock through Gaara as they nicked the sleeping boy. The redhead's eyes opened as he was jolted awake and the sand began to vanish, sending him falling to the forest floor. The three Konoha genin followed, staring at him wearily.

"Just kill me," he said in defeat. "I have failed."

Team Seven shared a look. As Naruto was about to step forward, though he was hesitant to kill the now lost-looking boy, two Suna shinobi jumped down in front of Gaara and shouted: "Stay away from him! Gaara, we're retreating!"

"I lost," Gaara said, disbelief lingering on his tone. "I cannot go back. Father wouldn't allow it."

"Yeah, well, father's dead," the foreign guy said.

"What?" Gaara asked.

"Turns out Orochimaru killed him ages ago and pretended to be him just so we'd help him and his stupid village attack Konoha."

Team Seven decided that the puppeteer was being truthful – it was hard to fake the bitterness in his tone and the burning hate in his eyes. "Go," Naruto said.

"What?"

"I said go," Naruto repeated. "If you're retreating, then there's no reason for us to kill any of you. You might have broken the treaty, but I guess you still might be considered allies."

"Why?" Gaara demanded.

"Because we don't need to," Naruto said.

"Surely one such as yourself would wish for our deaths to acknowledge your existence," Gaara said.

Sakura turned to Naruto, scrunching up her face in confusion: "What does he mean, 'one such as yourself'?"

Naruto shook his head. "The only acknowledgement I want is for being myself. That's why I have my friends and team-mates. They're all I need."

"But – _why_?" Gaara demanded.

"Because I love them and they care for me. What you're feeling now – that emptiness, that sorrow – it can't be prevented by killing. That probably just makes it worse."

"Then – then what can I do?"

Naruto smiled a hesitant smile and then walked up to him, ignoring his tense siblings. He put out his hand and waited. Gaara stared in confusion for a while, until he remembered seeing something similar to what Naruto was showing him. He took Naruto's hand and gripped it tightly. They shook hands, and Naruto grinned. "You've just made your first friend! I'm Naruto! These are my team-mates Sasuke and Sakura!"

Gaara nodded at them and then his eyes fell towards his hand, staring fiercely at the first willing and kind human contact he'd ever received after his uncle had betrayed him.

"And, between you and me," Naruto whispered loudly, making sure the boy's siblings heard, "I think your brother and sister would love to get to know you – they already acknowledge you. You just need to return the handshake, yeah?"

Gaara's lips twitched briefly before he finally released Naruto's hand. "Farewell," he said.

Team Seven watched as the three Suna shinobi vanished into the darkening forest. Then Sakura turned toward Naruto and smacked him. "You crazy idiot, I was worried sick!"

"Waa, Sasuke, save me!" Naruto cried.

"Hn," he smirked, and then he, too, smacked Naruto.

Sasuke and Sakura shared a laugh at the exaggerated distress of their team-mate and then dragged him back toward Konoha, where they joined the waning fight against the losing Sound shinobi.

* * *

**In response to a question which made a good point and ought to be mentioned/explained:** The Hisoka/Naruto housing situation... I've always kind of assumed that Naruto owned the building he lived in. Maybe it's stupid of me to have done so, but I can't imagine anyone else wanting to live near him let alone in the same building as him when they all dislike/fear him so. Since, in my mind, he owns the building, it's pretty easy for him to set up a second apartment for Hisoka to live in without it causing any problems like financial strain. I guess I should have made that clear (I'm an amateur though, so you forgive me, right?). Hope this clears that up if anyone else had the same question.


	12. Secrets

**I'll get this chapter out now, the one you've all pretty much been waiting for. The truth is out, but it's not over yet. I know the direction I'm heading in, but what roads shall I go down, I wonder?**

* * *

**Secrets**

"Spill."

Naruto jerked back and spun towards his doorway as he finally spotted his two team-mates. Sasuke closed the door and then stood beside Sakura with his arms folded. The two of them stared expectantly at Naruto. After a silent staring contest, Naruto groaned and gave up, waving for them to come into his apartment and settle down at his kitchen table. He busied himself making tea, trying to sort out his head and decide how he was going to go about telling his team-mates (and best friends – Naruto had _friends_) that he had a demon sealed in his stomach. He wasn't really sure how one went about telling such a secret. Mizuki obviously did it the wrong way – well, the wrong way if Naruto wanted to _keep _his friends…

"So?" Sasuke demanded when the tea was in front of him.

Naruto sighed and sat down heavily in the empty chair, "First thing. What I'm about to tell you is an S-class secret. Kind of stupid considering how many people know about it, but that's how it is. You've got to promise not to mention it, because the penalty of blabbing is imprisonment or death depending on who you tell and your intentions in telling."

Sakura's eyebrows shot into her hairline, but she narrowed her eyes, "Naruto, we promise we won't say anything if we aren't allowed. Now stop holding back, just tell us!"

He pursed his lips but nodded in ascent. "Right. So… my birthday, as you know, is October tenth. I was born thirteen years ago, on the night of the Kyuubi attack."

"You're kidding," Sakura said immediately. "You're nothing like Gaara!"

"What?" Sasuke demanded, not catching on.

Naruto huffed out a small laugh, "Sasuke, genius of shinobi skills you may be, but Sakura's the one with the brains on this team. What she's saying is that… well, the Yondaime couldn't kill the Kyuubi. You can't kill a biju because they're just chakra constructs, so no matter how powerful your attacks are, the tailed beasts will just regain their form after a while. You guys saw this when we fought the Ichibi and Gaara. Turn the sand into glass, blow it up, none of that stuff can really affect the biju for long.

"Knowing this, the Yondaime really only had one option: fuinjutsu. Sealing is about the only thing that can affect demons for any large amount of time. So instead of being stupid and fighting the Kyuubi, the Yondaime decided to seal it instead."

"You were born on the night the Kyuubi attacked," Sasuke murmured tonelessly.

Naruto nodded, "Yep. And the best vessel for sealing demons is humans, because they can defend themselves and keep other villages from stealing the biju. Out of all humans, babies are the most compatible since their chakra pathways aren't fully stabilized yet. That means that when the beasts are sealed away, the youki – the demon's chakra – doesn't actually hurt the vessel. An older vessel might be able to hold a demon for a while, but eventually the youki would poison the body and a new vessel would have to be found. But because I was a baby when the fox was sealed, my body's adjusted to the influx of foreign, demonic chakra. If you were to take it away from me now, I'd probably die."

"You've got a demon sealed in your stomach," Sasuke intoned.

"Yeah. Gaara and me are what they call jinchuriki. There are nine of us in all, I'm betting."

"The power of the human sacrifice."

Naruto snorted.

"Why aren't you like Gaara, then?" Sakura wondered, her voice low. "I've seen the way people treat you. I used to be like them before Team Seven, but you never hated me. You… you never killed anyone in cold blood before."

Naruto was quiet for a while, staring out his window in thought. "I think it's a number of things, really. My seal seems to be better than Gaara's. I can't hear the Kyuubi, but Gaara's always got the Ichibi talking to him, from what I understand. And he… he didn't have anyone and people kept trying to assassinate him on his dad's orders. While nobody in the village ever liked me, they never tried to kill me; they never beat me, or anything. Mostly they ignore me."

"Is that why you wear orange?"

Naruto stared at Sakura blankly before sighing. "That's probably why. I can't even remember anymore, it's been so long. But the biggest difference between Gaara and me is that I had the Hokage… I had Jiji."

* * *

Naruto could hardly believe it. Sandaime was dead. The old man, his gramps, his Jiji, was dead. He'd cried and cried in private, but come the day of the funeral, his eyes were dry. Sasuke and Sakura stood beside him, their arms touching his as they offered their silent support. They knew how much the Hokage had meant to Naruto; they knew how close they'd been, how they'd been almost like family. It was terribly sad, but Naruto knew that Jiji would be happy to have died fighting and saving his village. He'd always said that he'd rather go down fighting than die of old age. He got his wish, though he left behind a mass of upset citizens and grieving family.

Naruto was finally getting over his death when that pervert Jiraiya dragged him along on some retrieval mission. The only good thing about that was that Naruto got to learn the Rasengan, a jutsu his father had made. Jiraiya didn't know that Naruto knew who his father was, but Naruto didn't feel the need to clue him in. The old pervert would either figure out that he knew or he'd cave and tell him eventually. Naruto liked Tsunade more than he liked Jiraiya for the simple fact that she was a woman and not a pervert. The woman seemed to find this hilarious and didn't stop teasing the white-haired man on their way back to Konoha. Neither of them knew that Naruto didn't like perverts because he, as a woman, had experienced how truly awful it was to be hit on, groped, and leered at. Naruto would probably always resent Jiraiya a bit for treating women the way he did – even if the man thought Naruto was weird and stupid for defending women one moment and then using Ooiroke no Jutsu to knock him out the next.

When they finally got back to Konoha, Naruto was relieved to see his team-mates, though a bit disturbed that Sasuke had nearly been kidnapped by some horrible Sound shinobi. Naruto was devastated when he learned that Kakashi was in a coma from fighting Itachi. Sasuke had reverted back a bit to how he used to be, but Sakura, Naruto, and Genma-sensei solved that quickly by giving him a sound tongue-lashing and a couple of well-aimed smacks. Then they celebrated their victory of having passed the Chunin Exams on their first try. It was only the three of them and Shikamaru who had passed – and most of the reason for their passing had to do with how well they'd worked as a team against Gaara and the Sound shinobi.

Team 7 visited their old sensei when he woke and Naruto couldn't stop the cringe when he asked them if they had seen Tanaka Hisoka around somewhere. Sasuke and Sakura didn't know who the hell he was talking about. Naruto did, and Kakashi knew that, so he stared pleadingly at Naruto, hoping for news on his girlfriend. Naruto told him quietly that she was still gone. He didn't know what to do about the whole thing – the only thing he knew was that the Godaime Hokage wouldn't take this Henge shit like the Sandaime did. Though she clearly loved Naruto (and hadn't that been a kicker, for Naruto to find himself a sister!), she wasn't the sort of woman who would let Naruto continue hurting himself like this. Neither would she stand for her shinobi to be lied to by a comrade. So he waited anxiously for the time he'd be called into the Hokage's office to discuss "Tanaka Hisoka".

Unfortunately that time came a mere week and a half after she had returned to Konoha and taken on the mantle of Hokage.

* * *

"What do you know about this mysterious Tanaka Hisoka, Naruto?" Tsunade asked him.

Naruto fidgeted and tried not to flinch, having been waiting for something like this. He wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to go about it though. Did he confess? _Should_ he confess? Sasuke and Sakura had taken the news that he was a jinchuriki well, so maybe this wouldn't turn out badly either…

"I know she's not real – there are no records of any shinobi past or present with that name. Kakashi said you knew her and lived in the same building – the building you own," Tsunade stated pointedly.

"I..."

"Naruto, whatever it is you're hiding from me, just say it. This kind of thing is considered a breech in village security. I can't let unknown persons walk around Konoha, not when they could be a threat to the peace and safety of my village."

"The Sandaime knew about it," Naruto began softly, not really knowing where to begin.

"Did he?"

"Yeah."

"And?" she wondered impatiently.

Naruto sighed. "Nee-chan, you've got to understand. It wasn't easy to grow up like I did – especially when I started to buy stuff on my own. A lot of it was spoilt goods, and all of it was overpriced."

"I've never known you to complain about anything before," she said suspiciously. "What does that have to do with this Tanaka person?"

"Well... because I had it kind of bad, I figured that I could, you know, act like a ninja and disguise myself so maybe people wouldn't treat me different from anyone else..."

"Naruto, from what I heard Kakashi's dating whoever the hell she is," the Godaime said in confusion, though from the look in her eyes Naruto could tell she was starting to get an idea about what Naruto was implying.

"He is..." Naruto mumbled.

"No," she refused. "You didn't – you _aren't_! Naruto, you're thirteen! You're just a boy! Please tell me I've jumped to conclusions – tell me I'm wrong!"

"You aren't," he whispered. "But nee-chan, it's not like how you think it is! It was nice not to be hated when I went out, but I didn't mean to make her into a real person! And then Kakashi... he was a real mess. We started out just being friends, and it was fine. He was even being a better sensei because I kept scolding him. Then... I don't know, he liked me, and I found I liked him, too. I tried to break it off, I swear, I know it's wrong... but, well... that mission to Wave happened three weeks after I broke up with him – and that was the first time I'd seen him in those three weeks. He avoided everyone; I think he was drinking, even. He was – I've never seen anyone so fucked up before. Not even me."

"So he's mentally unstable – all jounin are to some degree, especially ex-ANBU. Naruto, this is serious. This is more serious than one of my shinobi having a mental breakdown for a while. That can usually be fixed with lots of therapy. It _has_been fixed before; this isn't the first time that brat's gone off the deep end. He did the same thing when his team-mates died, and when his sensei died. That's why we have bi-annual psych tests. This, though... this is the sort of thing that can't ever be erased. It's a black mark on his record, and I can't even begin to know how it's going to affect him. We're going to have to put him under watch, and he won't ever be able to take a mission with you or anyone else under sixteen again. Who knows how the rest of the village will react to this? You're going to have to be under observation, too, you know, to make sure you don't try to see him."

"I'm sorry."

"Kakashi's a pedophile," the Hokage sneered in disgust after a moment of heavy silence. "I can barely fucking believe it. I always knew that kid was messed up, but _this_?"

"No!" Naruto shouted anxiously. "No, he's _not_ a pedophile!"

"He's having a sexual relationship with a thirteen-year-old – a kid that used to be his student! I'd say that's a bit worse than just pedophilia. I've already told you some of the consequences. I'm honestly thinking jail time and a loss of status and leadership might be included. This is more than just a fucked up Lolita complex – it's a breach in student-teacher policy in the worse way."

"It's not! Nee-chan, he doesn't know – _he doesn't know_!"

"What the hell are you talking about? How can he not know? Your chakra's pretty distinctive, he can't _not_ know! I'm gonna kill the fucker! I can't believe he was trusted with children!"

Naruto Henged into Hisoka and motioned towards himself. "See? You can't even tell it's me – even when I use my chakra it feels different, doesn't it? Reiji taught me how to cloak my chakra in Henge the first time he met me. He was in intelligence before he retired, I think. There's _no way_ Kakashi could have found out! Hisoka and Naruto are two different people – especially around him! I didn't even start acting more serious until Genma-sensei became our sensei! He couldn't have linked us together!"

Tsunade frowned as she stood up to examine him, poking and prodding with hands and chakra, but finally nodded in defeat and collapsed into her chair. "That's a ridiculously good Henge. _I_ wouldn't even be able to tell that it's a Henge. It's solid, too, however the hell you managed that. Still, he's an idiot for not figuring it out. You live in the same building as your Henge. Your faces are identical – I can see that you just aged her face the way you thought you'd look when you're older. How did Kakashi not notice that? He knew your parents – and with that hair, you definitely look a lot more like your mom."

"I made sure never to let him see Naruto and Hisoka at the same time. I acted totally different around him when I was Naruto. It's not like he even thought about Naruto that way, so there's no way he'd have even considered it a possibility! He met Hisoka first, even!"

"I guess I can believe that... How long has this been going on? From what I've heard, Tanaka Hisoka's been around for years. _Please_ tell me you weren't having sex that whole time."

"I wasn't! I swear, nee-chan! It was only when I was a genin, after the Wave mission, that anything like that happened!"

The Hokage rubbed her face tiredly. "I don't even fucking know what to do, brat. I've got a feeling I should demote you for this – it's the kind of irresponsible thing only a genin would do – but since you haven't pretended to be this person for over a month, I won't. You're a chunin now, though, so act like it. The worst thing is that I can't even really claim it as pedophilia because Kakashi didn't know it was you."

"So... so can we just forget about this? You can tell Kakashi that Hisoka died on her mission, and then I won't ever be her again."

"_Pretend_ to be her, brat. And no. That'd be too easy. I can't let you get away with this kind of deception – it's ruining you, I can tell. You aren't capable of keeping up this charade forever, and I don't want to see it when Kakashi finally figures it out. He'll go crazy. No, I want this over with now. You're going to tell him."

"What! No, _please_! Don't make me tell him! He'll hate me! You can demote me if you want – I don't care! Just don't make me hurt him like this!"

"He rightfully should hate someone who took advantage of him and deceived him like you have. Naruto, I get that you don't want to hurt him, but keeping the truth from him is worse. Besides, you can't just kill off someone who doesn't exist. I'd have to put that name on the memorial stone, your friends would want to hold a funeral, someone would have to go search for a body... it'd be a major waste of man-power. You're just going to have to tell him."

"But – but I _love_ him! I can't _hurt_ him!"

Tsunade was silent for a while. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "Naruto, I figured you loved him. I can even tell that that Hatake brat loves you in return. But I can't allow this to continue. It's putting the lives of my ninja on the line, and as Hokage I simply can't accept it. I'm going to bet that Hiruzen-sensei had no idea about this part of your persona, did he?"

Naruto shook his head, remaining silent though his eyes were wide and wet. Tsunade nodded and then called for one of the ANBU she'd sent out of the room and told him to summon Hatake Kakashi for her. Then she turned to Naruto and said: "You're going to tell him, but I'm going to be right here. If he tries to hurt you, I'll stop it. But I can't stop him from saying whatever it is he's going to say when he finds out the truth. Now put your Henge on so he can tell that you aren't just playing some awful prank on him as Naruto. He needs to hear this from the one he loves."

* * *

Naruto clenched his fists, refusing to meet the Godaime's eyes. They waited silently for Hisoka's boyfriend to come. It took five minutes, but it felt like the longest five minutes of Naruto's entire life. And his heart had never hurt so much before, not even at the funeral of the Sandaime. "Hisoka?" Kakashi asked, rushing to her side and pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly for a moment, burying his head into her hair and breathing in her scent. Then he finally realized that she wasn't returning his caress – and that something must be wrong for them to be meeting in the Hokage's office with the woman herself staring at the couple intently. "What's wrong, Soka-chan? Did something go wrong on your mission? Are you hurt? Do you need anything?"

Naruto choked back tears and pulled away from his lover.

"Hisoka, what's wrong?"

"Hatake," the Hokage finally interrupted when the silence had become too much for her, "sit down and shut up. She's got something to tell you and you're going to sit there quietly until she's done speaking. And you, _Hisoka_, start talking."

Kakashi sat down, looking obviously confused and worried. But trust was in his eyes as he stared at his girlfriend.

Naruto couldn't stand the sight of him. He turned away, wrapping his arms around Hisoka's body. The Hokage cleared her throat. Hisoka finally sucked in a breath and turned toward Kakashi. "Kakashi..." she began and then stopped abruptly. "I... I can't, nee-chan! He'll _hate_ me!"

Kakashi went to stand up, to wrap his arms around her trembling form, but one glare from the Hokage kept him silent and in place. Tsunade turned to Naruto: "Either you tell him or I tell him. He's going to find out either way, and he'd probably rather hear it from you."

Naruto sighed, but nodded. "Kakashi, I – I've been lying to you. I'm not who you think I am."

"What, are you in ANBU seduction and infiltration division? I thought for a while that you might be, that or ANBU assassination, but that doesn't matter," Kakashi promised her. "I was ANBU assassination, and I've done seduction missions before. They suck, but that doesn't matter."

"It does," Naruto said sadly. "I'm not ANBU anything. I'm the exact opposite of the person you believe I am. I – I just want you to know that I _do_ love you. And – and that the time I spent with you was the – some of the happiest I've ever spent."

"Hisoka?" he asked, fear entering his voice. This was exactly the sort of thing she'd said when she broke up with him. "Hisoka, please, don't—"

"Hatake!" Tsunade snapped. "What the hell did I tell you about talking? And you! Get on with it, enough of this mushy shit! It won't matter either way, and you know it!"

Naruto let out a sob, but he nodded. The Godaime was actually doing this _for him_. Naruto understood that. But it still hurt. He still wished he could pretend. Pretending was easier. "Kakashi, I'm not Hisoka. Tanaka Hisoka is a made up name for a made up girl. She doesn't exist."

Kakashi looked like he wanted to speak, but the glare Tsunade sent him kept him quiet.

"I – oh fuck it! I'm not even a fucking girl! I'm a boy. I was born a boy, and I'll always be a _stupid fucking_ _boy_!"

Now Kakashi looked confused. Seriously confused. And he was staring at his girlfriend as though she might have gone crazy sometime in her absence. But when he looked to the Hokage to refute the claims she made, Tsunade merely nodded grimly. Kakashi turned back to his lover, dread filling his gaze and his stomach.

"I'm not even in my twenties. I'm barely even a teenager."

Kakashi was shaking his head and starting to look panicked, as though he were about to run the hell out of there to escape the insanity.

"I'm a thirteen-year-old boy, and you know me. I – I'm going to drop my Henge now. I'm _so sorry_, Kakashi," Naruto finished, strangled.

Then he dropped the Henge. Kakashi stared at him blankly. It was clear that Kakashi either didn't understand what was going on or didn't _want_ to understand. He sat there numbly, keeping his unblinking eye fixed on Naruto.

"K-Kakashi?" Naruto asked.

"What kind of joke is this?" Kakashi finally wondered. His voice was vacant and his eye even more so. "It's pretty tasteless. Cruel, even."

"It's not a joke," Naruto said. "Hisoka's just someone I made up to avoid the hate of the villagers. She wasn't supposed to become... to become a real person. I was just supposed to pretend to be her to buy what I needed. I didn't mean to – to be your friend, or to... to fall in love with you."

Kakashi snorted, standing up and getting ready to walk away. "Right. Whatever."

"Kakashi!" Naruto cried, feeling distinctly odd to be speaking his lover's name in the same tone Hisoka used – except he was saying it in Naruto's voice, as Naruto. And when he tried to grab Kakashi's arm, the man turned around with lightening in his hand and thrust forward, aiming for Naruto's heart. Naruto's breath hitched and his heart stopped. Yet, before he could feel so much as a jolt, Kakashi's arm was yanked away and the man was violently thrown to the floor. Kakashi floundered about for a second, and then he was fighting back, snarling at the Godaime as she held him back, keeping him from hurting Naruto.

Naruto didn't understand. Kakashi had just tried to kill him. He knew that he'd hurt his lover, but he hadn't expected the rage that Kakashi attacked him with. He didn't expect the hate with which that lone eye stared at him. Tsunade eventually knocked him out and frowned as the older man slumped onto the floor, unconscious.

"Is – is he going to be okay?" Naruto wondered.

Tsunade eyed Kakashi wearily for a while before answering: "I don't know. Maybe it _would_ have been better to tell him that Hisoka was dead. I thought he'd be angry, but I never expected – this. What the hell is wrong with the brat, attacking you like that!?"

"Nee-chan, he was angry."

"No, Naruto, you don't understand. This is Hatake Kakashi. This man would _never_ harm a comrade."

"How do you know that? You know how he treated my team, and we were comrades."

"This is different. He was mad – and I don't mean angry, Naruto, I mean _crazy_."

"He's not crazy!"

"I never thought he was... but I'm going to have to put him under observation. It would seem that Itachi's Tsukuyomi loosened a few screws or something. I hope that's why, anyway. He's going to be locked up for a while, at least until he gets control of himself."

"What if... what if he just hates me so much he doesn't care I'm a comrade?"

Tsunade sighed, "Then we'll deal with it if we have to."

"What'll happen to him?"

"Best case scenario, he wakes up and freaks out about trying to kill you. Worst case... worst case he won't care and will try again. I can't allow a shinobi of Kakashi's calibre to go crazy and start murdering people. We've already had one Itachi in the village – we don't need another. Now go home and get some rest. I'll call you back in a week or so to tell you how he's doing."

"Thank you," Naruto said quietly, wiping his tears. Then he left the Tower and headed home, where he lay awake, staring at the ceiling and remembering the first time he and Kakashi met, the first time they kissed, the first time they had had sex. He should have said no. He should have pushed the man away. He shouldn't have caved in or begun a relationship with him in the first place. He _never_ should have let it get this far.

* * *

**AN:** **So before you all kill me... I can do one of two things**, though I'm leaning toward the second. One, I could have someone explain Kakashi's severe reaction to the truth. Or two, I could have an entire chapter devoted to Kakashi's POV on his relationship with Hisoka which also explains reaction. I'm leaning towards the second because it lets me get into Kakashi's head - it would go from the first time he meets Hisoka up until his reaction to the truth. **Whether I take the time to do this is up to you**, though, because it's not really necessary for the story to move forward. It'd just add another dimension. **So** **tell me if you want it!**


	13. Separation

**Separation**

A week went by, and Naruto spent the time lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. His team-mates and sensei came to visit him, but he pretended he wasn't home and didn't answer the door or open the windows, no matter how many times Sasuke, Sakura, and Genma-sensei shouted at him. He didn't feel like doing anything. Kakashi hated him. And despite the fact that he hadn't been Hisoka for over a month already, Naruto missed it terribly. He missed it as much as he missed Kakashi. So what if Naruto was only thirteen? That didn't mean he didn't love. That didn't mean that his love wasn't as strong as Kakashi's had been (and it _was_ "had been" because there was no way that Kakashi loved him _now_). Naruto missed everything about Kakashi: his laugh, his smile, his eyes, that mischievous look he got when he was teasing... his _love_. Without Kakashi, Naruto was just Naruto. He was just a thirteen-year-old chunin on a team with his best friends. And while that was okay, his friends couldn't fill the gap Kakashi had left. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to start having a romantic relationship with Sasuke or Sakura! And... and Naruto hated to say it, but he really missed the sex, too. Even if it was horribly perverted of him and awful and terrible and disgusting, it had still felt incredible. He missed those nights he'd complained about, the ones where he and Kakashi would stay up until three, when they would collapse in a satiated fatigue. Naruto hadn't had that boneless feeling in a _long _time, and he was tempted to try to get a girlfriend his age or something just to feel it again – except, he didn't want to have sex with anyone else. Kakashi kind of ruined that for him. No one else could possibly compare to the man he loved. Damn. He was starting to sound like a girl even as Naruto!

* * *

Eventually Tsunade called him to her office, and she stared at him in pity the moment she saw how much of a mess he was. "Stop looking at me that way, nee-chan," he muttered.

His pseudo-sister sighed but stopped. Then she took a breath and said what she'd brought him here to tell him: "He's a mess. He was confused the moment he woke up and he doesn't want to believe what you told him. He's pretty much a vegetable for now, lost in his own mind as he tries to figure everything out. He's likely trying to see how he missed this. It's a big blow to his confidence as a shinobi, not just as a person."

"Yeah," Naruto said. "So is he... going to be okay?"

"Kakashi will see Shizune for therapy for quite a while. I don't trust anyone else with the secret of your relationship, and Shizune won't tell anyone else. As for Kakashi... I don't think he'll be telling anyone. Right now he's isolated, until he gets a hold of himself. When he does, it might still be a while before he's cleared for active duty. I don't want him to have a break down on a mission in enemy territory or during a fight."

"Is... is he still mad?"

Tsunade's face turned pitying for a moment, but she quickly wiped the expression off her face when she saw that Naruto noticed. "He _will_ be pissed, undoubtedly. Now though... he's confused. And there's a lot of self-disgust he's going to have to work through. We actually have him on suicide watch because I don't trust him to handle it well when the whole thing finally clicks. At the moment he's trying to process everything and probably trying to figure out how he didn't realize it himself. It's going to take some time before he's ready to talk."

"Will I be able to see him?"

"I don't think that'd be a good idea. Actually, I've taken the liberty of arranging for your absence."

"My absence?" Naruto wondered.

"You're going to go train with Jiraiya for three years. He'll be out of the village as usual, and he doesn't stay in one place for too long, so you're going to have to pack lightly and use storage scrolls to hold your belongings. He said he's going to teach you about seals and he'll see if he can't convince the toads to teach you Sage Mode. You'll need it."

"But – but what about my team? Are they going to come, too?"

"No, they're not," Tsunade said softly.

"So I'm going – alone?"

"Yes. Naruto, I know it sucks, but it'll be better for both you _and_ Kakashi to be away from each other for a while."

"But three years? That's a long time."

"And he might need every bit of those three years to get over the fact that his girlfriend turned out to be a thirteen-year-old boy. He might need that time to grieve another loss. And he's finally going to have to deal with his mental health because according to Hiruzen-sensei, his emotional wellbeing was already under question long before he met Hisoka. I'm a medic-nin, Naruto, and I won't stand for my ninja to be in anything but the best of health. And that means that _both_ of you need time to put this behind you."

Naruto sighed, but nodded. "I guess I understand. When do I leave?"

"Tonight."

"What!? I won't even have time to say goodbye!"

"You aren't supposed to," Tsunade admitted. "Jiraiya wants to be out of here by seven. You have four hours to pack everything you need and to say goodbye to your team. I'll see you when you get back, brat. Your building will stay in your name, so don't worry about it."

Naruto hugged Tsunade tightly, not caring that when she hugged him back, she just about suffocated him in her large bosom. They bade each other farewell and then Naruto was sprinting across the rooftops towards his apartment. He took his time deciding what to bring, and it was with great difficulty that he finally decided to let go of his orange pants and jacket. He placed them in his closet and packed away everything he would need. When he was done, he only had an hour to find his team and to say goodbye.

* * *

"What do you mean you're leaving!?" Sakura demanded.

"I'm going with Jiraiya. Apparently Akatsuki is going to be inactive for three years and Tsunade-nee-chan wants me to train with him to be able to fight them – and so he can keep an eye on me in case they _do_ come after me again, which is possible," Naruto told his team-mates, purposefully leaving out the entire truth. They didn't need to know about Kakashi.

"I still can't believe you have a demon in your belly," Sasuke muttered.

"That must be where he gets his appetite from, ne, Sasuke?" Sakura smirked slyly.

Sasuke snorted and Naruto shouted in indignation, but they shared a laugh over the joke. It would be three years until they would see each other again, after all. That was a long time. Naruto wondered how much his friends would change in that time. Would they be taller? Would _they_ have found love? Would they be stronger?

"I'm going to miss you, Naruto," Sakura said as they reached the village gates. Then she wrapped her arms around Naruto and hugged him for all she was worth. "Come back safe, baka!"

Sasuke glared when he was drawn into a group hug by Genma-sensei, who'd just arrived, but he didn't complain otherwise and even allowed himself to hug Naruto and the rest of his team back before he mumbled, "Get stronger, dobe. Who else is going to help me stop my brother? Ino?"

Naruto grinned at him, trying not to cry as he said goodbye. Jiraiya finally got annoyed and pulled him away by the scruff of his shirt, dragging him out of the village. Naruto waved at his friends, who returned the gesture, and then they were out of sight and he finally sighed, pulling himself out of his godfather's grasp. "I can walk on my own, pervert!"

"Hmph! From what I hear, you're an even bigger pervert than I am. But I gotta know: is it true that women get more pleasure from sex than men?"

"Pervert!" Naruto screamed, chasing the laughing Toad Sage as the man bolted out of his reach. Yet Naruto couldn't help but hope the wound he bore in his heart would heal and that someday he'd be able to laughingly answer that question, no matter how perverted it was. Someday he'd know what it was be like to be in love as a man, as Naruto. Naruto could – _maybe, hopefully_ – find love again while being who he truly was. Someday.

* * *

**AN:** So I've gotten feedback from many people who want to see Kakashi's POV, but there have been some who don't want to have a repeat of the whole story through his eyes. **Here's the compromise: I'm going to have a chapter dedicated to Kakashi, but it's going to be from inside the isolation ward where he's kept. **. It'll be a psych-dive more than anything, and it's probably going to be a bit short. But you'll get to peek further into his mind and learn why he reacted so violently, not that there's going to be a logical explanation - he _is_ a little crazy right now. After that (which will appear as the next chapter, and will probably be posted Tuesday or Wednesday), there's going to be one more chapter where I wrap everything up in a pretty bow and give you guys a happy ending. Though how it's happy is the question... will Kakashi still be in love with Naruto? Will Naruto be over Kakashi? Will someone entirely new enter the scene? Or will there be no love at all for our jinchuuriki? Read it and find out! (Self-promotion... hu...)


	14. Kakashi

**AN: **As promised, here's a snapshot into Kakashi's mind. I'm not going to lay out his thoughts during the encounter where he almost killed Naruto. I'm not going to rehash the entire story from his POV. This is but a snapshot into the psyche of a distressed individual. I don't expect it to be clear or to make a whole lot of sense, though I hope you do come out of reading this with a sense on how he must have felt during the reveal. This is him denying what happened and coming to admit that something _has_ happened. The rest... well, we'll see. I'm not going to write on his recovery. That would be long and it would be mostly boring. Anyway, I've written enough here. Read it for yourselves now! Enjoy.

* * *

**Kakashi**

He stared at the ceiling, eyes vacant. His head was pounding, screaming with the reverberation of one word (_nononononononono_). It was Obito and Sensei's death all over again. No, it was worse. But it was nothing, because it didn't happen. It couldn't have happened. There was no way that he would... but no (_nononononononono_), it didn't happen. He was just in the hospital because he was back from a bad mission. A horrible, awful, disgusting mission that made him feel as though he'd slaughtered a house full of newborn babes. He wanted to puke. But he didn't, because nothing happened. (_How didn't he notice?_)

"Kakashi-san, how are you feeling today?"

There was that voice again. Shizune-san, he thought blandly. Yeah, that's Tsunade-sama's apprentice. Kakashi was probably coming out of a coma or something and she had to make sure he was going to be okay. "I'm fine," he told her.

"You're not fine, Kakashi-san," she said quietly. "I wish you'd stop staring like that."

"I feel better. I should be going back on missions, once you sign the release form."

"I can't, Kakashi-san, not until you get better. I understand that this is hard for you, but once you've accepted what's happened, you'll start to recover."

"Nothing happened. It was a mission. A bad mission. Happens sometimes. I'm better now, though, so you should sign the release form and let me out."

He heard Shizune sigh, but didn't comment. She wasn't going to let him out, not until he spilled his guts to her. But there was nothing to spill, couldn't she see that?

"Naruto-kun left today with Jiraiya-sama. They won't be back for two or three years," Shizune said to him.

"That's nice. Naruto will be glad he's got a new teacher. I was his teacher once, him and Sakura and Sasuke. My little genin."

"Yes..."

"I'm glad Genma took over for me. It was kind of boring having to teach kids, no matter how funny it was to watch them squirm."

Shizune sighed again. "Kakashi-san, it's been a week now. I'm glad that you've calmed down since we brought you here, but you have to stop denying what happened."

"Nothing happened."

"You were in a romantic and sexual relationship with one of your former students. I'd say that's something."

"I wasn't."

"Naruto-kun used Henge to appear as Hisoka and you two were a couple."

"That's not true. Hisoka died. On a mission. I think it might have had something to do with why mine went wrong."

"Hisoka is Naruto; Naruto is Hisoka."

"I wish you'd stop saying that."

"Shizune, leave him," someone snapped from the doorway. "It's pointless until the brat accepts the truth, however long that takes. Be thankful he's not trying to hurt himself anymore."

"But Tsunade-sama—"

"Come. There's nothing we can do for now. No amount of talking is going to affect him. I've known the brat since he was in diapers; he's stubborn as hell and doesn't listen. You're wasting your time."

Silence. Blessed and cursed silence.

Kakashi swallowed, but forcefully retained his passive, bored-looking face. He kept his mind blank, blank but for the constant _nononononononono!_

* * *

Another week passed and Kakashi continued to stare at the ceiling. Except the ceiling was moving, churning and twisting and taking on shapes of the things and people he knew. Hisoka. Icha Icha. ... Naruto. Hisoka's face looked remarkably like Naruto's, except she didn't have the whisker marks on her cheeks and her eyes were brown. She was older, too. Sweeter. But... if Naruto were older... no (_nononononononono_). If Hisoka had blue eyes, she'd look an awful lot like Kushina-san. That had been one of the first things he'd noticed about her. Her hair was a duller shade of red than Kushina-san's 'tomato', and her face was oval, not round, but the resemblance was uncanny and he'd been badly startled the first time he'd laid eyes on her. It was strange. But she was older, and calmer, and gentler (_like Kushina-san near the end_). She'd taken care of Kakashi, making sure he got home okay even though he'd been drunk and had acted like a paranoid ass and threatened her. Still, she forgave him. She always forgave him. Gai had said something about a beautiful flower blossoming, or a blossoming beauty, when he'd wondered aloud about how he'd gotten home. He'd barely remembered the night before, he was so wasted. But Hisoka-chan had been kind enough to care for a complete stranger, not even knowing who he was (_even though everyone above genin – hell, above the Academy – should have recognized the famous Copy-Nin_). He missed her.

* * *

The ceiling had stopped its moving, appearing blank and empty. Kakashi wondered how it did that. The only other Henge he'd seen that could fool even the Sharingan and Byakugan was Hisoka's. Her Henge was solid. He supposed she did infiltration work for ANBU (_why else wouldn't he see her in the Mission Room? why else would the Hokage appear amused when he suggested she be promoted? why else would nobody he'd asked know her beyond having spotted her around the village for years?_). A Henge like that couldn't be wasted, and it must be some kind of family technique because _he_'d never been able to pull it off, no matter how hard she tried to teach him. She had limits, though. She could only transform into another mammal (_like a mouse, like another _person), but it would still be insanely useful. Imagine: she'd transform into a rat, scurry around the enemy's stronghold, get the information, and nobody would ever know she was there! With a tool like that, she _had_ to be an infiltration specialist. That also accounted for her lack of taijutsu skills and her high stamina (_she only had to get the information and run away: stealth and avoidance were enough for that – it wasn't because she hadn't yet mastered taijutsu, it was because she didn't have to bother_). That Henge was a masterpiece he'd only ever seen once before (_Kushina-san had once said that the Kyuubi host took on aspects and abilities of the Fox, like her red hair, like the ability to shape-shift; but if the Sharingan and Byakugan could come from demons, surely a shape-shifting ability could become a family trait as well?_), but her knack for it was something else, something even Kushina-san would have had trouble keeping up with. She was special.

* * *

The window was interesting; it was covered with seals to keep the glass from breaking and the window from opening without the proper release. That had been one of the first things Sensei had done when he'd gotten into the office of Hokage: he'd overhauled all the seal work in the village, modernizing and strengthening it with the help of his wife. His wife who looked an awful lot like Hisoka. And Sensei looked an awful lot like Naruto (_except for his face, which could be mistaken for that of another_). But he needn't worry, because nothing had happened (_except it did_). Kakashi's heart raced as the sky turned a bright blue (_blue like Sensei's eyes, like Naruto's eyes, like the Chidori he almost—!_). He didn't. Because – because – Tsunade had stopped him. Stopped him from doing something bad, something terrible. He was thankful, grateful. He just wished... he hadn't been thinking, really. One moment he'd been staring at his lover's face, and the next it was his former student's. The hair and eye colour were different, definitely. Except... the face was exactly the same. Naruto... Naruto had looked just as heartbroken, just as... as scared as Hisoka had. And Kakashi had nearly killed him. Because Naruto was a notorious prankster, and sometimes pranksters pulled cruel jokes. Even if the Hokage was there. Even if the face was exactly the same_ (and Sensei would kill him and Kushina-san would cut off his balls and stomp on his dick)_. But Tsunade had stopped him, because angry at a renowned prankster or not, killing your fellow Leaf-nin was treasonous and Kakashi had always been and would always be loyal. Hisoka... she was different from anyone he'd ever met. She was sweet and kind and gentle despite being a ninja. She was conservative and didn't flash her skin like most kunoichi. She was... innocent. She was innocent and Kakashi had taken that innocence for himself, keeping her to himself, not introducing her to his... friends... no matter how much they'd begged to meet his girlfriend. Kakashi hadn't wanted to share her. If Hisoka had met his friends, she'd be corrupted, she'd be pulled into their world... she'd leave him for someone else, someone better. Because Kakashi's friends might be ninja, but they weren't half as fucked up as he was. And Hisoka deserved so much more... but he was selfish, and he wanted her for himself. Except now he didn't have her at all, and... and he didn't know if he ever had. Because she wasn't real (_nonononononono!_). She was just a Henge made by a scared kid who'd wanted to hide, to be normal. (_Hadn't Hisoka asked him if he'd ever wanted to be someone else?_) And Kakashi... Kakashi was alone. Again. Like always. (_But why did it hurt so much this time?_)

* * *

**A bit short, but at least it's out early! The final chapter's going to take a bit more time to write (I'm having a bit of trouble with it), but it WILL be out by Christmas. Hopefully by the end of the week, but we'll see.**


	15. Jealousy

**Not the final chapter! Just warning you... **I tried to finish it in one, but it was cramped and rushed and didn't seem right. So here's Naruto's return to Konoha, and next chapter will hopefully be the end - unless those two get into another argument... seriously guys, was that really necessary? Anyway, I'm still hoping to finish this before the New Year and maybe by Boxing Day... Anyway, beware a bit of bitterness and enjoy the storm before it calms!

* * *

**Jealousy**

Three years. It'd been three years since he last saw those gates. Three years since he'd said goodbye to his team-mates and Genma-sensei. He wondered how strong his friends were now. Were they still chunin? Or had they taken the jounin exam? He kind of hoped that they'd waited for his return to take it, but he would understand if they hadn't waited for him. Three years is a long time, after all. Most of all, though... he wondered how Kakashi was doing. Naruto hoped that he was okay and ready to see Naruto again. But if he wasn't... well, three years is a long time to get over someone, and while Naruto would always have a place in his heart for his first love, he understood that it hadn't worked out. So even if Kakashi hated him, he'd be able to focus. It would hurt – oh, undoubtedly it would sting and burn and _ache_ – but he'd be able to shake it off. Besides, Naruto had experienced a lot while on the road with the Super Pervert – and by a lot he meant, of course, loads and loads of perverted things. He'd admitted two years down the road that women did get more pleasure than men from sex – but only if it was done right and with someone the woman had an emotional attachment to. Otherwise men had it best (though Naruto hadn't experienced sex with emotional attachment as a male, so he really couldn't say with one-hundred percent accuracy that it was better in all circumstances). Jiraiya had laughed, of course, when he'd said so... but he'd also been relieved to hear it as it meant that Naruto was finally over Kakashi and ready to experiment and explore as a kid his age should.

Out of all the partners Naruto had had on the road and out of all the experience he'd gotten, he found that sex between men felt best to him. When he'd taken on the form of a woman again, he'd found sex a bit lacklustre. Oh sure, it was still pleasurable. He'd still had an orgasm. But... well, those men weren't Kakashi. Either Kakashi was some kind of sex genius (which was possible), or sex as a woman was just better when the woman felt something for the man fucking her. After much testing and experimenting with multiple partners (and sometimes more than one at once), Naruto could say with one-hundred percent certainty that he liked men best. Women were attractive, sure, and Naruto could appreciate them like any straight man could, but he preferred men. So... he was a homosexual (and hadn't Jiraiya cried when he'd finally told him that!).

Naruto felt more comfortable with himself now than he'd ever felt before. He was finally able to be who he wanted to be, act as he wished. No one was there to tell him he was acting strange or being weird, and now that three years had passed since he'd last seen anyone from Konoha aside from Jiraiya, he could be himself and it wouldn't seem odd. Three years is long enough to change a person, and those years had definitely changed Naruto. He was actually grateful for the separation now, because he _never_ would have changed had he remained in Konoha – at least, he'd never have been so comfortable with himself.

Jiraiya interrupted his thoughts: "Oi, brat! We gotta go see the Hokage when we get in. Then you can go find your friends."

"Okay," Naruto nodded, feeling both excitement and dread.

They checked in with the gate guards, who actually welcomed Naruto back, and then they went to the Hokage Tower and climbed in through the window only to be met with a heavy paper weight being thrown at them. "What the hell did I say about using the door!"

"Eh, nee-chan, is that any way to greet your little brother after not seeing him for three years?"

"Naruto?" Tsunade asked, spinning around in her chair to stare at him in surprise. "I thought you guys weren't going to be here for another three weeks?"

"Yeah, well, the countryside got a bit boring," Jiraiya said.

"Pfft, you just wanna see how well your new book's going to be received!" Naruto grumbled.

"New book?" Tsunade asked, eyebrow twitching.

"Hey! The brat helped me write it!"

"What!"

"Tcht! I just edited it, pervert, you're the one who wrote it!"

"Yeah, well you're the one who gave me the idea for the plot!"

"It wasn't _my_ imagination that came up with that shit! And I _definitely_ did not have anything to do with those awful sex scenes! They were terrible!"

"Feh, you're the one who inspired me! Bringing home a different person every night! And that foursome you had! Man, that was _loud_! I've never been prouder to call you my student..."

"Jiraiya..."

The man in question gulped, paling as he realized _what_, exactly, he was arguing about with Naruto in front of the woman who called him brother. Naruto, who'd left Konoha innocent in the ways of the pervert. Naruto, who Jiraiya had successfully corrupted and had just admitted to having done so in front of his female team-mate... "I didn't watch, I swear! Well, there was that one time... but that's it! He shouldn't have done that stuff outside where anybody could see him!"

Tsunade heaved a sigh and massaged her temples. "Shut up, idiot! I don't want to know, so stop talking! I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear any of that."

"Right."

"Now report!"

"Naruto's definitely jounin-level," Jiraiya began, "maybe high-jounin. I'd say he could probably give Kakashi a run for his money if he got serious."

"Good. I'm going to want to test him, regardless. Jounin exams are in a week – probably the reason you came back early, don't bother lying about it – and he'll be tested. Naruto, your old team-mates passed the test a year ago, but if you pass this and you'll be put onto a team with them again."

"I won't fail!" Naruto grinned, "and I'll surprise them by coming back a jounin!"

* * *

He didn't fail. In fact, the Jounin Exams were kind of a joke to Naruto. He'd had to fight three opponents at once, each of whom he'd never met or fought with before (and therefore didn't know their styles). It was a difficult fight, and Naruto had actually had to resort to fighting a bit dirty (using Haremu no Jutsu Yuri and Yaoi Style) just to beat them – but beat them he did, and the three jounin were left highly embarrassed about the whole thing. Tsunade glowered at him for his newer, super-perverted technique, but since he'd won through cunning and brute force (two things a jounin needed), and hadn't really been injured much at all, she'd been forced to pass him despite his choice in jutsu. Naruto just grinned at her and the panel of judges, snickering at their red faces as he accepted the promotion and left the testing area. When he'd gotten back into the village, he was immediately accosted.

"Oi, Naruto! Baka, you didn't tell us you were back!" Sakura shouted, punching him a tad viciously in the shoulder.

"Sakura-chan, you shouldn't be so mean to me. We're going to have to work together, you know, and it's bad business to injure team-mates," Naruto scolded playfully.

"Hn, you passed then?"

"Of course! Didn't expect me to stay a chunin forever, didya?"

"This is great!" Sakura beamed. "It'll be just like old times, except better!"

"Yeah. Man, I wanted to surprise you guys with my awesomeness! You weren't supposed to find out I was back until I could brag about it! Where's Genma-sensei, anyway? And who filled my spot while I was away?"

"Genma-san's probably hanging out in the Mission Room hitting on people..."

Naruto snorted, "Somehow I'm not surprised. What about your other team-mate? Who'm I gonna be kicking off the squad?"

"Kakashi-san, actually. And I'm not sure if you'll replace him or not. We work pretty well together, and Hokage-sama might not want to take apart one of her best teams..."

"Kakashi?" His heart jumped into his throat and Naruto had to swallow a couple times before he could even speak. Kakashi was on their team? Was Tsunade going to kick him off it? Naruto hoped not... Kakashi deserved to be on this team. If anyone shouldn't be on it, it was Naruto. Naruto didn't want to break up a good team – he especially didn't want to take Kakashi's team away from him. The man was great to work with, but on a team... on a team he'd bonded with, the man would be unstoppable. And Naruto wasn't going to be the one to take that bond away from him, not after the whole Hisoka mess.

"Oi, loser!"

"Hey, I'm not a loser anymore! I just kicked three jounin's collective asses without back-up! I deserve _some_ credit!"

Someone snorted from behind him and an arm quickly grabbed his head into a head-lock before knuckles dug harshly into his scalp in a painful noogie. "From what I hear, you used that perverted technique of yours to beat them."

"Hey, I still beat them fair and square! It's not my fault those three couldn't handle the sexiness..."

Genma snorted again and finally let him go, mumbling "Yeah, yeah. Wish I could knock people out with my hot bod."

"Is this technique the one I think it is?" Sakura demanded with a raised fist.

"It might be, it might not be."

"Okay, okay! That's enough, kiddies!" Genma said before things could escalate. "I've got news!"

"Which is the only reason you're here and not chasing tail," Sasuke deadpanned.

"I'm not that bad," their sensei grumbled. "Anyway, we're going on a mission in a week, so we've got seven days to get our teamwork up to scratch. I guess it also gives you two the chance to show off for Naruto. We'll meet tomorrow morning at training ground 32 and do some single and team sparring."

"Will Kakashi-san be there?" Sakura wondered.

"Yeah, if we can drag him away from his girlfriend... lucky guy," Genma groused.

"G-girlfriend?" Naruto asked, ice filling his chest. He shoved his hands in his pockets and clenched his fists, trying not to show how badly he was reacting to the thought of Kakashi with another woman.

Sasuke huffed, "He slept with Anko a month ago and she hasn't left him alone since. Bitch keeps butting into our training."

"She is kind of annoying," Sakura whispered to Naruto. "And I think Kakashi-san's going to snap soon if she doesn't stop."

"So... he doesn't like her?" the blond wondered, keeping the worry and hope out of his voice.

"Maa... is this what you guys do in your spare time: gossip about me?"

The four gossipers turned around, guilty expressions flitting across their faces. "Hey Kakashi!" Genma greeted. "You give in yet?"

"No," Kakashi snapped, "and I don't plan on it. Anko's not my type, I've told you _and_ her that."

"Then what is your type?" Genma demanded slyly.

"Hm," Kakashi sounded. Then his eye slid away from the gossiper and landed on Naruto. Naruto froze. Kakashi stared at him with a half-lidded eye, the usual bored air that surrounded him shifting into something heavy. After a moment of awkward silence, the man finally whispered, "Welcome back, Naruto."

* * *

_Knockknockknock._

Naruto groaned, burying his head in his freshly-laundered pillowcase. Who the hell would be calling at this hour? It was two in the morning!

_Knockknockknock!_

He sighed angrily and rubbed his face, trying to wake himself up. He thrust his covers back and stood up from his bed, cringing as his feet touched the cold floor. When he turned the light on in his living room, he had to squint as his vision adjusted. The knock came again and he finally growled out, "I'm comin', I'm comin'!"

He violently opened the door, ready to tell off whoever was on the other side – and fully expecting it to be the Hokage's ANBU, because who else would knock on his door so damn early? – but words faltered and failed until he stood stammering nonsense.

"Can I come in?"

The newly-promoted jounin gulped, but he nodded and opened his door wider, letting the visitor in, and then he closed the door. "W-what – I mean – why are you here?"

"So this is where you live? I found out a few years ago that you own the building..."

"Y-yeah. It was abandoned 'til I got it, and the old man fixed this apartment up for me."

"Hm."

Naruto stared in silence, wondering what was going on and if he should say something. But what would he say? What _could_ he say? At this point, feeling the weight in the stale air of his apartment, Naruto would rather say _anything_ than simmer in this dreadful silence. What was Kakashi doing here? Was he going to yell at Naruto? Try to kill him again? Not that Naruto would blame him for that, really, but _why wasn't he saying anything?_ The man stood quietly, eye roving around the living room and kitchen and taking in all the details. The dust was mostly gone, but the smell of it was still stifling. Naruto hadn't had much time to clean with all the training he'd been doing to prepare for his promotion test. Was Kakashi judging him for that? Damn it, Naruto _knew_ he should have cleaned up more! He'd thought he would just do a bit at a time, starting with the sweeping and dusting, but he hadn't had time to wash everything. He should have made that a priority! Of _course_ he was going to get visitors! He should have—

"I'm sorry."

"Eh?" Naruto gasped.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi repeated, his voice still quiet. "For what happened in Hokage-sama's office."

Naruto waved it off, "It's fine, I don't blame you. I kind of deserved it, I guess."

"You're a comrade. I shouldn't have reacted so violently."

Naruto's eyes sharpened as he took in the dip of Kakashi's shoulders, the hunch in his back. The man's eye was half-closed in its usual droop, but the eye beneath it was uncharacteristically serious. It was obvious he felt guilty. He'd probably been kicking himself the entire time Naruto had been gone. He'd probably been dwelling on his actions and cursing himself for nearly harming his Sensei's son, his former student. He's probably been punishing himself for not noticing that he'd been in a relationship with said person. While Kakashi looked healthy still, Naruto could see that his former lover's clothes were a bit looser, his face a bit more gaunt, his skin a bit more pale. Kakashi wasn't the sort of man to physically harm himself for the things he'd done and the guilt he felt, but he _was_ the sort of man who would lose track of time and forget to eat – or not feel very hungry when his stomach was churning with guilt.

"Kakashi..." Naruto began hesitantly, not knowing how he should comfort the man. He wanted to wrap his arms around the burdened man. He wanted to pull him into an embrace and ease his pain.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi whispered.

Naruto was quiet as he searched for the right words, eyes never leaving the silver-haired man before him. "I'm not dead," he finally said, "You didn't kill me, and I don't blame you for being angry. If anyone needs to be sorry, it's me. I lied to you. I pretended to be someone I'm not, and I... in a way I betrayed you worse than anyone ever has before. Your reaction to that is... it was painful, I won't lie about that, and it hurt me emotionally without doubt, but I understand it. You've already lost so much, and I took someone precious away from you."

"I still shouldn't have—"

"No," Naruto snapped, "You shouldn't have. But it's done. Tsunade-nee-chan stopped you before you could do anything – that's why she insisted I tell you in front of her, because she knew you'd have a bad reaction and she might have needed to stop you from doing something stupid. So she was there and she was able to prevent you from harming me, as she planned. Kakashi, I've already forgiven you for it, and so has she. Now _you_ just have to let it go."

"How can I just let it go?"

"It's been three years! If I can get over it, then you should be able to. You've got to stop carrying your guilt around like this – it'll kill you. Nee-chan said you'd have to have counselling before they even let you out – why are you still holding on to everything?"

"It's not _everything_! I've finally let go of the past—"

"Doesn't look like it—"

"But _you're still here_!"

A pause. Naruto narrowed his eyes and took a step back, not knowing what Kakashi meant and feeling a bit scared. "What – what do you mean by that?" he finally asked.

Kakashi closed his eye and sunk down onto the couch, gripping his hair and tugging on it roughly. "How can I get over it when I have to see you every day?"

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath, trying not to feel the stabbing pain that question gave him. "I see," Naruto said when he could breathe properly over the ache. "I'll ask Hokage-sama to transfer me to another team after this mission."

"That's not what I meant, Naruto," Kakashi sighed.

"Then what? _You_ transfer? No, Kakashi, you're staying with that team. You've been with them for years already, and you guys work well together. No Hokage would separate you unless they had to, and Tsunade-nee _doesn't_ have to. _I'm_ the fifth wheel here. I've just gotten back, so it won't really cause trouble if she sends me with another team. Hell, I could probably do solo missions for a while if there isn't a team spot available. ANBU would probably be a good place for me, too."

"They're _your_ team!"

"What the hell? I was only with them for like half a year! You've been with them for over two!"

"But they care about you! They've been talking non-stop about your return for months now!"

"Is _that_ what this is about? You're _jealous_?" Naruto demanded.

Kakashi remained silent, stubbornly looking away from him.

"You _are_! I can't believe it! Look, moron, you guys are a team. Just because they bonded with me as genin doesn't mean we'll mesh as jounin. And you've been with them longer, so the dynamics between you four is probably better than what they'd have with me anyway. I'm not threatening your position with them. They're your team-mates. I'm not a part of it yet, and if I do become a part of it, then it's going to be the _five_ of us _together_. They won't kick you off or leave you out."

"That's not it," Kakashi told him quietly.

"But you said you were jealous..."

Kakashi mumbled something, but Naruto couldn't make it out. "What?" Naruto demanded.

"I said, 'Not of you'," Kakashi snarled.

"What?" Naruto repeated in confusion.

"Damn it, Naruto! You were a great team! And all they talk about is you! How much they missed you, what they'd do with you when you got back!"

"I don't – I don't understand?"

"Of course you don't."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean? What the hell is your problem? You come here at two in the fucking morning, waking me up, and now you're just gonna insult me? If you won't say what you mean, then you can get the hell out!"

"Fine!"

And with that Kakashi jumped to his feet and bolted out of Naruto's apartment, slamming the door behind him. Naruto was left staring at an empty room, mouth agape and wondering what the hell had just happened.


	16. Page Fifty-Six

**AN:** So... you will all undoubtedly hate me for this chapter. Especially since I might have to break my promise of finishing this story before the New Year. My sister and her fiancé are on their way down to visit though, and I'd like to spend my time with her while she's here. I'll try to write and post the next chapter soon, but don't expect a miracle. This story is turning out to be longer than I predicted (fourteen chapters? ha!), so I don't think it'll be done by New Year's... but it'll be longer, so for those of you hoping for a longer story - you got it!

Enjoy, and thank you for the reviews and encouragement!

* * *

**Page Fifty-Six**

Practice was more than a little awkward when Kakashi got there, though thankfully it seemed that the rest of the team had no idea why such tension lay between the Copy-Nin and Naruto (especially after a three year absence wherein neither was able to communicate with the other). Despite the tension, however, Kakashi and Naruto were able to work together seamlessly when the team sparred two against two. It was easy for Naruto to predict Kakashi's movements, and apparently it was just as easy for Kakashi to do the same with Naruto. The blond suspected it had something to do with having been lovers and knowing each other so deeply (carnally), but he said nothing on it and made no reply when Genma-sensei commented on their great teamwork. It was better to keep their private lives out of training and missions, anyway. A shinobi wasn't supposed to bring emotions onto the field, especially when said emotions would fuck up team dynamics. So Naruto put it out of his head as well as Kakashi did and acted as though nothing were wrong (even though it was blatantly obvious that something was wrong because the two didn't say a word to each other when they didn't have to).

Their training was interrupted at three o'clock by a trench coat-wearing jounin who immediately set upon Kakashi, pressing her breasts against his back. "Hey Kakashi," Anko purred. "Have you read the new Icha Icha?"

Kakashi grunted, pulling away from the woman and being yanked back towards her at once. "Anko," Kakashi warned.

Anko pouted and hugged his arm, rubbing her face against his bicep, "Page fifty-six is pretty hot. We should go to my place and try a few of those positions out."

Naruto choked and began coughing violently, gaining odd looks from the rest of his team who'd been previously glaring at the purple-haired woman. "Are you okay, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah, yeah," he wheezed, "I'm fine."

He wasn't. Page fifty-six was a sex scene between the main character and a lovely stranger who'd propositioned him when she'd seen how down he looked. The brown-haired woman had seen him leaving a bathhouse and immediately started to flirt with him in order to cheer him up, not wanting to see such a sad look on such a handsome young man. She'd led him to a bar and then they'd started drinking, after which the woman suggested they take their leave. The main character had agreed and brought her to the hotel room he was sharing with his uncle, and the two of them made love until dawn. The night was frantic and passionate and it left the two lovers exhausted come morning. Jiraiya had really outdone himself there, laying out the different positions and locations the couple used in a near poetic fashion, quoting the numerous breaths and moans and words spoken in the heat of passion and the quiet moments after orgasm. Naruto would probably have enjoyed such a scene... if it weren't based action-per-action on an actual night of passion between Naruto and some foreign woman.

That night Jiraiya had walked in on the unknowing couple, and (like the dirty pervert he was) he'd watched the entire night unfold before him without giving away any indication that he was there. Honestly, Naruto wouldn't have been so upset with the man – because everyone knew he was a pervert, and the sex really had been fantastic and nothing to be ashamed of – but for the fact that he'd quoted Naruto word-for-word. Words which included his sadness at having lost the love of his life, whom he feared he would never forget and whom he still loved deeply despite their distance and time apart. Oh sure, it made for a wonderfully romantic plot device... but it was still _personal_. The jerk had used Naruto's confession to heat up his story and draw in a new, female crowd of readers. And according to Anko, his plan had worked.

"What, too young for that kind of novel?" Anko teased, making an inappropriate face at the blushing Naruto.

"Rumour has it you helped write it," Genma-sensei joked.

"Really?" Anko wondered skeptically. "Which parts?"

"I just helped edit, that's all," Naruto said. "I didn't do any of the writing."

"Aw, don't take so little credit, apprentice of mine!"

Naruto froze, eyes widening. When he spun around, he spotted the one person he really didn't want to see during such a conversation. "Do you need something?" Naruto quickly asked. "Is nee-chan looking for me?"

"Now, now, brat," the older man scolded, "I heard you down-playing your role in the creation of that book! No good pervert tries to fly under the radar!"

"What did you want, Jiraiya?" Naruto snapped.

"Ho, ho! Embarrassed, are you?"

"Damn it, you old pervert! What're you here for?"

"Oi!" Genma smirked. "I'd like to know what the kid did to inspire you!"

Jiraiya giggled, sending a smirk to his panicking apprentice. It was obvious that he wanted to meddle, and Naruto cussed him out, telling him to shut up if he knew what was good for him, but when Jiraiya got his mind set on doing something, nothing would get in his way. "The blow-job on page twenty," he began listing, "the hot check-up with that nurse on forty-eight – hehehe, the brat tried to stop her, but she was determined," he leered. "Then there's that long night of passion on fifty-six, the foursome on one hundred and seven, the bathing scene on one hundred and twenty-five, and the outdoor fun on one hundred and fifty. Brat really inspired this one! Too bad I really only got the juicy details for fifty-six – that's the only time he didn't catch me and kick me out before the _real_ fun started! Hehehe!"

Silence followed. Naruto turned bright red, and darker still when his team and Anko turned toward him with startled (and amazed in Anko and Genma-sensei's cases) gazes. Naruto snapped furiously, "You fucking asshole! What the hell! I told you to keep that shit to yourself!"

"Aw, come on!"

"No! Damn it, you stupid pervert! That kind of stuff is _private_! I don't care if you write about me, but you shouldn't go around telling people you did!"

"Wait, wait!" Anko called. "_You_ did all that stuff? Seriously?"

Jiraiya sidled up beside his student and wrapped his arm around the young man's shoulders, squeezing him close and giving the woman a victory sign. "He learned from the best!"

Naruto shoved him away, glaring, "That's the grossest thing you've ever said."

"Feh! I didn't mean it _that_ way! Unless you have some unrequited love for me? Hm... Icha Icha Sensei, a story of forbidden love and secret passion! How a student's unrequited love became requited! Ho, ho! I knew there was a reason you were my student!"

Naruto slapped his hands on his face and groaned, knowing better than to tell him off when he got like this. As Naruto inwardly predicted, Jiraiya pulled out a notebook and jumped into the trees, heading for the hot springs as he scribbled furiously and mumbled ideas under his breath.

A moment of awkward silence followed, and it was broken by Genma-sensei's sly, "A foursome, huh?"

The blond sighed, "Let's all just forget about that, okay?"

"Hey, wait!" Anko shouted. "He said fifty-six was the real deal, every detail, right?"

"Hm," Genma agreed curiously.

"Then that means blondie's in love with someone!" she crowed in triumph. "Oh man, whoever it is is one lucky fuck! The sex in that volume is ten times hotter than any of Jiraiya-sama's previous novels!"

"In love?"

Naruto's eyes darted to Kakashi, who'd uttered those words with something akin to disbelief. The man seemed to be in shock, eye wide and face slack. His posture was rigid, shoulders tense and upright for once, back relatively straight. He stared at Naruto with his single exposed eye, his focus darting all over the blond's face.

"Do you still love her?" Sakura asked hesitantly.

Naruto couldn't help but grin reassuringly at her worried look, especially as she bit her lip and glanced at him from behind her hair. "It's not you, Sakura-chan, don't worry about that!"

She breathed out a sigh of relief and then exclaimed, "Not that there's anything wrong with you!"

Naruto huffed but waved her placating apologies off, knowing that she hadn't meant to offend him. "Eh, we were done anyway, right?"

"Yeah, we'll meet again tomorrow morning at the same time," Genma-sensei said before losing all seriousness: "Why, hot night planned? Gotta go see this girlfriend of yours?"

"No! I'm gonna go find out what that pervert wanted – he doesn't usually just stop by for no reason."

His friends waved him off and Anko made another crude comment, this one suggesting he spend a night with her instead of some mystery maiden. Naruto shook it off and got one last peek at Kakashi's rigid posture before hopping into the trees. Kakashi's fists were clenched at his sides, and the material of his mask stretched out a bit at his jaw, suggesting that he was clenching his teeth. Naruto hoped his former lover wouldn't judge him too badly for his escapades... and he really hoped his team and Anko would keep their mouths shut about the inspiration behind that book.

* * *

Apparently Jiraiya was already heading out of the village, now that the Jounin Exam was over with, and he had just wanted to say goodbye to his apprentice. Naruto found him in his usual peeping pose and his sensei jumped up about a mile high when he realized he was supposed to have already left the village. Naruto just rolled his eyes at the absent-minded pervert and headed over to his apartment, planning on taking a nice hot shower and changing into a new pair of clothes that weren't damp with sweat. He was freshly-showered, dressed, and he'd been prepared to start making his dinner when someone knocked on the door.

It was Kakashi.

Naruto hesitated for a moment, wondering if maybe he should just pretend he wasn't home because he _hated_ fighting with Kakashi, and their last fight had left him so confused he _still_ hadn't figured out what the hell the whole thing was about. But the knocking turned to something a bit louder than was polite and Naruto decided that it was probably best to just get this over with in the privacy of his own home. So he opened the door and bade the impatient man to come in, softly closing the door behind him. After a moment of indecision, Naruto blurted, "I'm making supper, did you want some?"

Kakashi stared at him for a moment, judging him, and then he nodded and sat down on the sofa without speaking a word.

Naruto turned back toward the stove and grimaced, but he held his tongue and didn't say anything as he went about boiling rice and frying up pork and vegetables. The meal was prepared in ten long, silence-filled minutes, and Naruto finally called Kakashi over, pulling dishes out of the cupboards and chopsticks from the drawer. He set them down at the table and seated himself across from Kakashi, feeling a moment of déjà-vu when he spotted the uncovered face across from him. It was just like all those nights Hisoka had made dinner for them, when she would cook and Kakashi would set the table. Except Kakashi hadn't set the table this time, and he probably wasn't planning on helping with the dishes, either.

Naruto shook his head, blinking away the memories. He forced himself to serve a portion to Kakashi and himself and then he ate his dinner silently, not knowing what to say and not really wanting to break the silence. If he did, they might end up arguing again.

When dinner was done, Naruto cleaned up and put the leftovers in the fridge, then he stood awkwardly in the kitchen, staring at the kettle and wondering if he should offer tea. Kakashi stopped him by clearing his throat, making Naruto turn back to face him. They stared at each other, eyes lingering. Naruto coughed and quickly took the seat across from Kakashi again. He drew up his courage with a deep inhale, and finally broke the silence with a question: "What are you doing here?"

At first Kakashi didn't answer and simply stared silently. Naruto held his breath, seeing emotion in the only exposed eye and feeling longing well up in his chest. He wanted to reach across the table and take Kakashi's hands into his own, wrap his arms around him, kiss him. Then Kakashi blinked and looked away, the moment broken. He cleared his throat again and ran a hand through his hair, tugging roughly on the ends. "I didn't come here to argue with you," he said softly.

"No?"

"I didn't mean to start shouting last night. I only came to apologize; I have no idea how it turned into an argument."

"You said you couldn't let go of the past between us... you were jealous about something... and you implied that I was stupid."

Kakashi's hands fisted together on the table and he stared intently at them, purposefully keeping his eyes off Naruto and speaking to his fists. "I can't let go, I am jealous, and I didn't... you aren't stupid. You just came to the wrong conclusion."

Naruto breathed out sharply and nodded, "Okay. So why can't you let go, and what are you jealous of? I know it has something to do with Team Seven, but I don't really understand what you have to be jealous about."

"They love you," Kakashi admitted quietly.

"And they don't love you?" Naruto wondered. "If you think that, then you're wrong, because they definitely care about you."

"It's not that," he said roughly.

"Then what?" Naruto asked gently, keeping his calm and patience though it was difficult. He knew Kakashi had trouble talking, trouble admitting to his feelings, so Naruto would have to be patient. Even if it meant sitting in silence for minutes at a time as Kakashi gathered his thoughts and the courage needed to voice them.

"I was afraid... that when you came back, you would... you'd be on the team and I'd be out of the picture."

"They aren't going to kick you off," Naruto told him. "And I think we've already proved that we can work together, so it shouldn't be a problem. The team won't be taken away from you."

"It's not the team – not just the team."

"Then what is it?" Naruto wondered. "Kakashi, you know I'm not the most observant guy, or the smartest. You're going to have to lay it out for me point-blank or I'll never get what you mean."

Silence.

Naruto rubbed his face, telling himself to wait, to not shout. Kakashi would open up eventually. This awful silence would end some time...

Kakashi's voice broke the silence, sounding loud even though it was barely a whisper as he told Naruto, "It's you..."

"Eh? What do you mean it's me? Do you – I mean – you don't want to be on a team with me?" he asked, heart clenching.

"No, goddamn it!"

Naruto jerked away at the shout and grit his teeth together. Kakashi didn't want him on the team? Did the man hate him now? Not that Naruto blamed him... but would he really take Team Seven away from Naruto? Aside from Kakashi, Team Seven was all he had in Konoha. Without them... without them and Tsunade, there wasn't a reason for him to come back and stay. He might as well have just left with Jiraiya again! The man could probably teach Naruto about his spy network, show him the ropes and have Naruto take over for him! Someone had to do that eventually, and who better than his apprentice?

Naruto shoved away from the table and quickly set about boiling water for tea, trying not to shout or cry or laugh hysterically. Was his team going to be taken away from him now? Well, Tsunade wouldn't take the team away, but if Kakashi didn't want him on it, then Naruto wouldn't force it. Naruto would walk away. He could join ANBU or become a Hunter-nin... he could follow after Jiraiya and learn the art of spying.

"Naruto, if you're on the team, then there's no reason for me to be there. They would probably rather you than me anyway."

That startled Naruto. Kakashi was beginning to get confusing again, contradicting himself at ever turn, running circles around Naruto with his stupid words. "What on earth are you on about? Of course there's a reason for you to be there! You're one of the elites – it's not like you're some green genin thrown onto a team full of jounin! You actually contribute!

"This is ridiculous; you're not making much sense to me, because out of everyone, I'm the one who shouldn't be on there, I'm the outsider trying to fit in. They need you more than me at this point."

"But they _want_ you. And you worked well as a team without me. You don't need me."

"If you weren't needed, then the Hokage wouldn't keep you on the team."

"You're better off without me."

"If that were so, then Sasuke wouldn't hesitate to let you know. You're being ridiculous."

"I'm an old man. You're so young..."

"I'm pretty sure Genma-sensei's about your age."

"He – Naruto – _you_—"

"Argh!" Naruto shouted. "Just fucking say what's bothering you! Fuck, you're making no fucking sense and it's driving me crazy! Seriously, just say what's on your damn mind and stop it with the fucking circles!"

"You like them."

Naruto blinked stupidly. Huh? "What?"

"When you were gone, they kept talking about what they would do when you got back, how much fun you'd have together, how great it'd be for you to be together again. I – Naruto, how can I compete with them? They're better for you."

"B-better for me?"

"They aren't old and scarred, they aren't fucked up. _They_ didn't try to kill you! And obviously you've moved on, anyway, so I don't stand a chance!"

"_What_? Are you – are you saying what I think you're saying? Because I can assure you that the only affections I have for Team Seven are platonic – and I'm pretty sure that's mutual."

Kakashi sighed and shook his head, then he stood up and turned towards the door. He only got to take one step because Naruto was suddenly in front of him, gripping the front of his vest and shoving him down hard against the table, "No! You aren't running away again! We're finishing this discussion now!"

"Let go!"

Naruto snarled, eyes narrow, and then he pressed his mouth against Kakashi's and kissed him harshly. His lips were dominating, taking roughly and without permission. The kiss wasn't about love or affection; it was about frustration and anger. It was Naruto forcing Kakashi to see what was right in front of him, to see that Naruto still felt for him regardless of how much the bastard pissed him off. When he pulled away, there was blood on Kakashi's lips, proof of his violence - but he didn't care. "Is _this_ what this is all about?"

Kakashi's lips were parted and his breath was coming in panted gasps. Naruto huffed angrily but pulled away. He walked toward his bookshelf and pulled a blue book from the shelf, heading back to Kakashi and shoving it into the man's chest. "Read fifty-six. Ignore the sex and focus on the dialogue. I can't believe you haven't read it yet – it came out a week ago."

Kakashi stared dumbly.

"Read it for fuck's sake!"

Kakashi jumped and sat up abruptly, gripping the book tightly in his hands and searching for the right page. When he came upon it, it was obvious from the pink on his cheeks that he was reading more than just the dialogue. Naruto didn't comment on that, knowing that this was the best he'd get. At least he was reading it.

The pages turned slowly, Kakashi's eye sweeping along the text and flitting over to the next page. He lingered here and there, re-reading certain parts and pausing at others. When he was finally finished, about nine pages later, he set the book down carefully on the table and stared at Naruto intensely. "How long ago did that happen?" he asked slowly.

"About seven months ago," Naruto answered honestly.

"And... do you still feel the same way?"

"I do," the blond admitted.

"You still... you still love me?"

"Yes."

"But I tried to kill you!"

"That doesn't matter. I've already forgiven you for it."

"You shouldn't have. I don't deserve it."

"Whether you deserve it or not is up to me to decide."

Kakashi furrowed his brow and clenched and unclenched his hands on the material of his pants. He sat quietly for a while, eyes peering up at Naruto and shooting back to the floor just as quickly. Naruto said nothing, knowing that his confession needed time to be mulled over. He did still love Kakashi, but if the man wanted nothing to do with him, then Naruto would be able to keep going. He'd been able to physically move on already, but his heart hadn't managed to. It might never move on (probably _would_ never). Naruto could be with other people, but he wouldn't be able to love anyone else. Not when his heart belonged to Kakashi.

"Why did you do it?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow in question.

"Hisoka. Why did you start a relationship with me? Why didn't you push me away? You were, what, twelve when we got together? Didn't you think you were too young?"

"I didn't mean to get involved with you," Naruto confided, "but when you kissed me... I couldn't push you away. I should have, I know, but by the time we started going out I was already in love with you. I didn't even know I was in love until you kissed me, and by then it was too late. I didn't want to let you go."

"You broke up with me," Kakashi pointed out.

"Because Jiji kept telling me that Hisoka was bad for me, that I should just be myself. I couldn't act how I wanted to as Naruto because he was so different from Hisoka and people would wonder why I'd changed so suddenly. Then I was put on Team Seven and I was always afraid that you'd recognize my mannerisms and link me to Hisoka."

"But you broke up with me."

"Yes..."

"And you were given a new sensei, so you could be yourself without worrying that anyone would recognize you."

"Yes..."

"Then why - why did you open the door that night?"

"Because I'm weak and I hated seeing you hurting because of me."

"You should have left me alone."

"Probably."

"I... I forced myself on you that night."

Naruto grabbed Kakashi's chin and forced the man to meet his eyes as he shook his head furiously, "No you didn't. If I had told you no, you would have stopped."

"You _did_ say no!"

"I gave in. I kissed you back. I _let_ you undress me," Naruto countered.

"You were thirteen! How were you supposed to react to something like that?"

"I have no idea. I wasn't exactly a normal thirteen-year-old, and it's not as though you thought I was that age anyway. You treated me like an adult, and I reacted like an adult. It's not your fault. Besides, it's not like I didn't like it or anything."

"But—"

"No buts! It's done. We had sex! So what? Tsunade, Shizune, Jiraiya, and I don't blame you for it. My Henge is pretty kick ass, if I don't say so myself, and I acted completely differently as Hisoka and Naruto. There was no way short of seeing the change yourself that you could equate the two. I made sure of that."

Kakashi frowned but didn't refute. Naruto nodded and headed over to the shrieking kettle to quickly turn it off. He poured the boiling water into two separate cups with tea bags inside and added a bit of cold water to make the drinks a comfortable temperature. He set the mugs down, one in front of Kakashi, and one before himself, and then he collapsed heavily onto his chair and eyed the coloured water. He was done talking for now. He'd said his part. Now it was up to Kakashi. It would be Kakashi who decided where they went from here. Kakashi would be the one to decide whether they forgot about the whole thing or if they would begin a new relationship. He already knew that Naruto loved him, that Naruto would accept him back into his life if he so desired, so it was up to him. Did he still love Naruto? And if he did, was he comfortable with the idea of having a relationship with another man? Naruto hoped so... but if he wasn't, then Naruto would let him go. He'd let Kakashi walk out of his life, and he wouldn't look back. No matter how much that hurt.


	17. Heated

**Warning: Lemon in this chapter!** Not what you guys were hoping, no doubt, but there nonetheless. I figured I'd give you a taste of what page fifty-six contains since a few of you wanted the details on that. Also, consider this compensation for not being done this story by the end of 2012.

Good news: I've already started on the next chapter, which will be another glimpse into Kakashi's psyche and will fill in what happens between the end of this chapter and the beginning of the one following Kakashi's psych-dive. So yay!

* * *

**Heated**

The clock on the microwave counted away the passing minutes. The only sound in the entire apartment was breathing: Naruto's measured inhales and exhales, Kakashi's unsteady breaths. Neither of the two moved.

Naruto kept his gaze firmly on his mug full of tea, and Kakashi's eye jumped from the tabletop to the counter to the wall to the floor and landed on Naruto in between objects for the fraction of a second. The blond pretended not to notice his former lover's quick glances and continued to stare at his cooling tea.

He really couldn't take this much longer. It must have been ten minutes already, and in ten more he would probably go crazy and start screaming. Why wasn't Kakashi saying anything? Naruto had made his position very clear, and it seemed as though Kakashi still had _some_ feelings for him – but then _why wasn't he saying anything_?! Naruto tried to keep the expression off his face, but he was likely failing. He could feel his eyebrow twitch and his lips purse. They were in a tight straight line, probably pale from the pressure of being held together so tightly.

Naruto's next exhale was loud and he finally picked up his cup, swallowing the tea down in one big gulp. He slammed the glass down on the table, feeling some satisfaction for how Kakashi twitched slightly in his chair, and then the chair Naruto was sitting in scraped loudly against the floor as he pushed it back. He stood stiffly and walked to the sink where he roughly washed the dirty cup with steaming water. He barely felt it as the water burned his hands, yet by the time he towel-dried them, the red, angry skin was back to its usual golden tan. For a moment he paused in front of the stove, the dish-towel held between his hands, and wondered what he could do next. Maybe he'd start washing the floors and walls – hell, the ceiling could use a thorough cleaning to get rid of what was left of the cobwebs he'd found there upon his return.

He dropped the towel and went over to the window instead, not even looking at his former lover. His arms crossed in front of his chest and leaned against the window pane, face pressed into the glass. He sighed. Was Kakashi _ever_ gonna say anything? Honestly, Naruto had had enough of this. Another five minutes passed since he'd noticed ten had already gone by in silence, and Naruto wasn't going to wait any longer. If Kakashi was just going to sit there and flicker his eyes around like a guilty child awaiting punishment, then Naruto wasn't going to wait any longer. "Forget it," he snapped. "If you aren't going to say anything, then I'm not waiting forever in silence. Obviously you don't want to have anything to do with me outside of shinobi business, so get out."

Kakashi's eye widened and his spine straightened with a snap.

"You heard me," Naruto said quietly. "Just get outta here. I'm not gonna sit there another minute, waiting and hoping for you to say you'd take me back. Leave, Kakashi-san."

"Just Kakashi," the man whispered.

"Not anymore. Not if you aren't my lover. I can't – if I say it without the –san, then I'll never get over you. I need to differentiate between the man you used to be with me and the man you are now. Kakashi made love to me; Kakashi-san is just a team-mate."

"You want to get over me?" the question came, the voice incredulous.

Naruto rolled his eyes, "If you don't want to be in a relationship with me, then I have to get over you. What, do you expect me to want to hang on to you even if I can't have you? That'd be like stabbing myself; stupid, painful, and useless. Tell me no, and I'll leave it alone. But Kakashi-san, you have to say you don't want me."

"I – I can't, Naruto."

Naruto closed his eyes, face a perfectly blank mask as he felt burning tightness fill his chest. It was like there was some heavy object crushing the area around his heart, pushing down until he could barely breathe beneath the weight. "Fine," he said, and then repeated, "Fine."

"Naruto, I—"

"Get out of here!" Naruto shouted, finally having had enough. "Isn't it enough? I got the message, so just leave, would you?"

Kakashi watched him for a minute or so, eye solemn and face blank, and then he nodded and left. The door closed softly behind him.

Naruto gripped the window sill, but his knees gave out and he fell regardless. His hands were too weak to hold him up and he collapsed against the wall, sliding down until he lay on his side with his knees still bent. His mouth opened and closed, his eyes unblinkingly taking in the closed door as he processed what had happened.

Kakashi had walked out, just like that. He'd said he couldn't, and then he'd left. He'd gone out of Naruto's life silently, like a ghost, with his feet landing noiselessly on the hardwood floor and the door giving no creak or click as it opened and closed.

He blinked and his mouth fell into a frown. It was over. Just like that, it was _over_?

* * *

A week and a half later Naruto was sitting in a bar with Sakura and Sasuke, the three of them sharing a drink of success for the mission they'd recently completed. Sasuke and Sakura nursed their glasses, sipping from them as they chatted together about the mission. Naruto took one look at his and threw it back, immediately asking the bartender for another. Then another, and one more after that.

"Naruto! What's wrong?" Sakura demanded concernedly.

"It's nothing," he muttered.

"You've taken four shots in five minutes, loser, I'd say there was something wrong," Sasuke pointed out tonelessly.

"Bastard," Naruto said fondly. "There's nothing wrong."

"Then why are you drinking so much? The mission went well – you and Kakashi-san even spoke for a while! What's with that, anyway? Are you still upset about him being a crappy sensei? I thought you'd gotten over that ages ago!"

"No, Sakura, I'm not still mad about that."

"Then what? You aren't one to hold grudges."

"It's nothing. He just said something that upset me is all."

"He's always an insensitive asshole. You shouldn't take whatever he says seriously unless it's about your ability as a shinobi," Sasuke told him.

"Yeah... he just called me an idiot."

"You are an idiot."

"Shut up, bastard!"

"Oh you two, that gets so old!"

"Hn."

Naruto laughed, followed by Sakura and finally Sasuke. It was almost like old times, only with alcohol. Naruto decided to forget his woes for a little while and continued to drink with his friends. Sasuke left after an hour or so, and Sakura followed half an hour after that, tilting her head sideways in the direction of a green-haired woman who'd been eyeing him the past hour. Sakura raised an eyebrow and smirked at him, punching his shoulder and saying goodbye. He nodded to her, raising a glass, and then threw it back and ordered another. It took a lot to get him drunk, but with the way he'd been drinking, he was already there.

"So I heard you inspired Jiraiya-sama," a sultry voice greeted.

"Hm?" Naruto wondered.

The woman giggled, fluttering her lashes and rubbing his arm. "I was impressed."

"Oh?"

"Mmhm. You know, I've been looking for someone like you, someone who knows how to please a woman..."

Naruto thought about telling her off, saying he wasn't interested, but then he remembered Anko pressing against Kakashi – rubbing her fucking tits all over him like some deranged cat. He remembered how Kakashi had let her do it, hadn't really fought her off outside of pushing her away the first time. He'd remembered that stupid bitch latching onto his former lover like they were a couple. That had pissed him off. Seriously pissed him off. And then Kakashi had the nerve to act like he still had feelings for Naruto, only to say he wouldn't be with him!

That decided it. If Kakashi could move on to some slut, then so could Naruto. Kakashi was probably fucking her right now, shoving his dick into her loose pussy.

"I might be able to help you," Naruto murmured into the ear of the green-haired woman.

She giggled again and leaned forward, pressing her mouth against his. Naruto pulled her towards him, hands meeting her hips and gently smoothing over the material of her silken shirt, moving from hip to waist and back again while his mouth worked over hers. He nibbled on her bottom lip and smirked when he felt her sigh and relax against him. Their tongues touched and intertwined, with his rubbing sensually against hers and sliding into her mouth. He rubbed the sensitive skin on the roof of her mouth and she collapsed against him, her weight leaning on him and forcing his hands to hold her up by pressing her body against his in order to keep her steady. When she moaned in response, he finally pulled away and looked at her through heavy eyes. She panted, her mouth parted and cheeks flushed.

"Shall we?" he asked her.

She nodded and grabbed his hand, pulling him bodily away from the bar. Naruto noted with some amusement that most of the patrons were staring at the duo – and they all had the same stupid, aroused look on their faces. He'd been about to laugh until his eyes met a single, dark eye. He almost froze on the spot, and likely would have if the green-haired woman hadn't tugged him along. Naruto's eyes snapped away from Kakashi's lone eye and he turned back to his partner for the night, a sly grin stretching across his face as he realized how rigid Kakashi had been. Bastard deserved it.

* * *

They got to the woman's apartment, where she introduced herself as Maiko before tugging him into her bedroom. Their mouths met once more and Naruto pulled her against him, hands pressing into the small of her back so that she had to arch into him, pushing her breasts against his chest. Her hands tore at his shirt and the rest of their clothing came off quickly after that until they stood naked together, bodies touching. "Condom?" Naruto asked.

"Drawer," she gasped.

He lay her on the bed and got the box of condoms out of her drawer, placing it beside her after having taken one out. Then he went back to her body, mouth ghosting against her throat and neck while his fingers dragged slowly along her thighs, drawing patterns on her skin. Maiko groaned and arched her body until his mouth finally connected to her skin. He laughed but gave her what she ached for, kissing her collar bone and nipping gently at her skin. His tongue met her breast, swirling around her areola without touching her taut nipple. He blew against the wet skin and grinned when she groaned and clenched the muscles of her thighs. His teeth grazed the skin once more, but she gripped his hair and pressed his head into her breast so that his mouth finally touched her nipple. She gasped and fisted the hair she held in her hands, throwing her head back and moaning loudly.

Sometimes, when he had sex, he thought back to Kakashi and how Kakashi had been so quiet during their lovemaking. He'd made a few noises, but they were never loud. Not like this woman.

The tips of Naruto's fingers touched along her hips and slid upward to her stomach and finally to her breasts. He pulled back and she groaned in dismay, her eyes glazed and frustrated. His hands held her breasts and kneaded them gently, thumbnails grazing along her areolas before tweaking her nipples. Maiko sucked in a breath and lifted her chest, offering herself to him. Naruto dove down to the valley between her breasts and kissed the smooth skin, lips moving southward while his hands continued to work, massaging her breasts and rubbing, tweaking, pinching her nipples. She was biting her lip, her half-lidded eyes staring at him as he made his way down.

When he got to her cunt, his lips stretched into a slow smirk. His hands left her chest and swiftly slid downward, landing on her thighs. He pushed her legs upwards and apart and watched as her labia stretched open before him to reveal her clitoris. Though the lighting of the room was low, Naruto could see it reflecting off her natural lubricant. He could probably enter her right now and it wouldn't hurt her, she was so wet. But he liked to be sure – and he enjoyed teasing his female partners a bit, because foreplay was where women became aroused enough to orgasm during intercourse without clitoral stimulation. It was common courtesy to ensure his partners enjoyed themselves as much (if not more) than he himself did.

His tongue darted out of his mouth and flicked her clitoral hood, barely touching the skin. Maiko twitched and gasped, her hands fisting into her comforter. Naruto's thumbs made circles in the skin of her thighs, gently brushing along them. Then he bent his head forward and his tongue came in contact with the hood. He pressed down onto her clit, licking over it and rubbing up and down, side to side, creating circles. His mouth moved closer until he trapped the nub between his lips and sucked, teeth scraping. She moaned loudly and Naruto felt the muscles of her vagina twitching, tightening and loosening as they tried to grasp onto something. He pulled his tongue away and placed a few kisses over it before his finger pulled her labia further apart. He could see the opening of her vagina widening and narrowing, each working of the muscles pushing out more fluid. The glistening moisture dripped downward as more leaked out. She was definitely ready.

Naruto exhaled onto her, watching as the cool air he breathed out met with her heated skin and caused it to tighten. He gave one last flick of his tongue to her clit and slid back up, his body against hers, to kiss her on the mouth. He quickly grabbed a condom and rolled it over his cock. When he was covered, he guided it to her vaginal opening and pressed in slowly, savouring the feeling of the wet heat surrounding his penis. He exhaled through his nose and hooked his arms under Maiko's knees to part her thighs further so that he could press deeper into her. When his balls met her ass, he paused and met her eyes. She was panting and biting her bottom lip. "You ready?" he asked, his lips grazing her ear.

She nodded feverishly and the muscles of her vagina clamped down on him. He grunted in acknowledgement and pulled back slightly before pushing back in. He started slowly, his movements steady and measured, and then she began to cry for _more_ and _harder_ and _faster_ (the usual things, really). The next time he pulled out, he nearly pulled his dick out all the way before slamming back into her. She screamed. He continued, his movements sharp and forceful. The room was filled with his heavy breathing and her cries and moans and shouts. She was chanting, "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" and shaking her head from side to side as her fingernails dug into his shoulders, drawing blood. The slap of his balls against her ass, the squelching sound her vagina made as his cock filled her again and again sounded quiet in comparison to her loud voice.

Kakashi had _never_ screamed. He might have moaned and groaned and grunted – once, he'd even cried out – but he was _never_ loud enough to disturb his neighbours (and quite possibly everyone in the apartment building and the buildings next to it).

Maiko began to tense, her body arching into a bow and her head immobile and pressed back against her pillows. Naruto slammed into her again, feeling his own release nearing as she hit hers. Maiko opened her mouth wide and let out a high-pitched, shuddering scream. Her muscles clenched firmly onto him, but he continued his own movements as she howled. Finally, when her muscles began to falter, clenching and unclenching, Naruto reached his peak. He came, groaning into her neck.

Their breaths slowed and Naruto pulled back, glancing down at his partner for the night and raising an eyebrow as she stared at him with sleepy, star-filled eyes. He wasn't _that_ great. Oh well. At least the rumours about him would be positive for once in his life.

Maiko fell asleep, her breath even and quiet, and Naruto pulled out of her, grimacing at the slick, wet sound his dick made as it exited her vagina. He took off the condom, tying it up and wrapping it in tissues before throwing it out. He covered the woman with her blankets, got dressed, and left through her window. There was no need for him to stay the night.

* * *

The walk home was silent. It was already four in the morning, after all, and no one but patrolling ANBU and he were out. The night was calm and warm, the moon half-full and the wind a gentle breeze. His steps made no sound against the ground, noiseless and graceful as any good ninja's were.

He felt kind of gross, though. He'd been comparing Maiko to Kakashi during sex – something he'd sworn not to do after the first ten times he'd done it had left him so disappointed. Maybe it was because Kakashi was his first and his love, or maybe it was because he was such a fantastic lover, but no one had ever satisfied Naruto as well as Kakashi had. Everyone was different from him. Some – like Maiko – were too loud, other too silent. Some selfish, others satisfying only Naruto's desires. Some liked it rough, others gentle. But of all the differences he'd come across, there was one that made every single experience pale in comparison. It wasn't the little things, like sound, personality, or kinks. It was the emotion during the act. With Kakashi, it had been lovemaking. It had been passionate and needy, yes, but it had been... completion. It was the merging of two people into one soul. It was the need to be as close as physically possible. It was love. And without love, every other sexual experience Naruto had ever had after Kakashi failed to leave an impression. Sex was great, sure, but... well, having sex and making love were two separate things – and while Naruto did like sex, he preferred lovemaking.

He huffed and unlocked his door, not bothering to turn the light on as he stepped inside and locked the door behind him.

"You had sex with her."

"Gyah!" He shouted, jumping back and crashing into his front door. "What the hell?"

He flicked the light-switch and squinted in the direction the voice had sounded. He blinked at his couch, where Kakashi sat hunched over, wondering if maybe he was still drunk. Usually the Kyuubi would have gotten rid of the alcohol in his system by now. He usually only had about an hour to feel the effects of drunkenness, and it had been at least two since his last drink.

"I can smell her on you," Kakashi accused.

"Yeah," Naruto muttered, and then raised his voice and confirmed: "Yeah, I had sex with her. Now what the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm surprised you aren't still there. Don't you usually spend all night on these things?"

"And how would you know how I _usually_ do these things?"

"I read the new Icha Icha."

"Stupid Jiraiya," Naruto mumbled. "Look, that's great, but that still doesn't tell me why you're here. I thought you said you couldn't do this?"

"I saw you with her in the bar, she was all over you. What a slut..."

"If she's a slut, then so am I."

"You're better than that!"

"I took her offer, didn't I? So I can't be better. Now tell me why you're here."

"You had sex with her!" Kakashi shouted, standing up to tower over him.

"We've already covered this. Yes I did, just like you had sex with Anko!"

"I was drunk."

"Well, so was I!"

"You can't even get drunk – the Kyuubi clears your system before anything can affect you."

"Not right away! I get at least an hour to be wasted like anyone else!"

"It's been nearly three since you left with her!"

"So what? So I was sober when I fucked her – why the hell does this matter to you? You said you didn't want to be with me! Now fucking leave, you asshole, I don't have the patience to deal with you right now!" Naruto screamed and he pointed to the door and stomped his foot against the creaking floorboards to further emphasize his demand.

"Oh, so you're over me already? It's only been a week! I guess your _love_ for me wasn't so great after all, huh?"

"Would you shut up? You don't know anything about that!"

"Then _why did you sleep with her_!?" Kakashi shouted, voice breaking on the word "sleep".

"It doesn't matter," Naruto muttered.

"Yes it does! You don't love me anymore."

"Oh for— what the fuck is your problem, asshole? You expect me to remain some fucking chaste idiot while you're allowed to have sex with Anko?"

"That only happened once!"

"So what? It still happened! You can fuck who you want, and I can do the same! I'm not waiting around for you! It's been three years already – that's a long time to pine after someone! I'm not going to wait another three for you to decide you want to be with me! I'll fuck whoever I damn well want to!"

A fist met Naruto's face, moving too fast for him to have even caught the movement, and he flew backwards into the kitchen table. He stumbled over a chair and fell, cursing. "Get the fuck out!" he demanded angrily when he was able to shakily climb to his feet.

"I can't believe you!" Kakashi snarled, stalking towards him. "You tell me you love me and then fuck the first person that asks a week later!"

"You said you didn't want me, dick-head! I'm not waiting for you anymore!"

"I _never_ said that!"

"Well you didn't say much of anything, so how the fuck was I supposed to know _anything_!?"

"You didn't even give me a chance!"

"I gave you fifteen fucking minutes! That's enough time to open your stupid mouth and say something!"

"I was scared, okay!"

"You're always scared! Always running away when your emotions get to be too much for you!"

"Shut up!"

"Just fucking leave! That's all you're good for anyway!"

This time Naruto caught the fist flying at him and sent one back in retaliation. Kakashi caught it and shoved him against the counter, where his head slammed into the cupboards. His vision blackened before coming back blurry, accompanied by a horrible ache in the back of his skull. Naruto suddenly felt heavy, his body weighing him down, down, down to the ground where he fell into a heap. He blinked in confusion when Kakashi shouted his name with panic lacing his voice. But Naruto was feeling sleepy, and couldn't be bothered to fight anymore. He hated fighting with Kakashi, anyway. He would go to sleep, and when he woke in the morning, everything would be better. He smiled sleepily at a frightened-looking Kakashi, whispering, "Goodnight," to him, and then he closed his eyes and slumped down into unconsciousness.


	18. Kakashi II

**AN:** So here's the promised psych-dive. **The first part is going to be insanely confusing** (writing it and editing it was something awful) because it's Kakashi looking back at his thoughts. Then we come upon "After the mission" and the verb tense goes back to normal for the most part and it gets easier to read. But aside from the final scene, **this is the mind of Kakashi**. Not events as such. So of course it's going to be confusing: it'll go off on tangents and return to previous thoughts and jump ahead to new ones. I'm still not too sure I like the first parts of this chapter (the verb tenses really threw me off, and I'm thinking maybe it would have been better to write it as though it were happening and not as though it had already happened), but I like getting into that confusing tsunami of thought and emotion. So here it is. Sorry it took so long to write, but it was troublesome.

Thank you again for all of the reviews! You guys really make me want to write well and finish this story. If not for your encouragement, I probably would have given up long ago. So I thank you sincerely for it.

* * *

**Kakashi II**

Kakashi liked fighting with Naruto. No, he didn't enjoy the tension. He didn't much care for the anger, either. Or the emotional upheaval that always followed when Naruto shouted hurtful words. What he _did_ like, though, was how Naruto looked. Narrowed eyes, flushed cheeks, stubborn tilt of chin as lips pressed together... Hisoka had looked exactly the same way when she was pissed. It seemed more natural on Naruto, which made a lot of sense, being as it was his face and all. The look was, well not _manly_ per se, but definitely dominating. Kakashi enjoyed that tiny aspect of his lover's personality, that little kink that popped up sometimes; it had been especially thrilling in bed, where Naruto as Hisoka would occasionally fight for control and give as good as he got. It didn't happen often because Naruto was prone to letting others take control, but when it did... when it did, Naruto took control flawlessly.

Kakashi had tried to prepare himself for Naruto's arrival, but nothing he'd done had made a difference when faced with his lover. Even knowing he'd arrived hadn't helped at all. He'd spotted Naruto joking with his team, a grin showing off his near-perfect teeth (there was this one tooth, the first premolar, which was slightly crooked, but the rest were straight). Kakashi hadn't been able to breathe properly then, and when he'd finally spoken to his lover for the first time in three years, all he could get out was a whisper. It'd been a bit pathetic, granted, but his breath had caught in his throat and it'd been the best he could do. Naruto was home weeks early, catching Kakashi by surprise (a ninja should never be surprised, should always expect the unexpected, but this was _Naruto_ – when did he ever do what you expected him to?). He'd made jounin on his first try, just like Kakashi had. Kakashi had later heard how, exactly, Naruto had beaten three jounin, and all he could do was laugh. It was so like Naruto to shock someone into losing.

Then Kakashi had gone to see his lover at two in the morning. He should have waited for a better time, he should have waited 'til a reasonable time... but it was at two in the morning when he'd gotten the courage to visit. If he'd waited, it might have taken him longer to do it, or he might not have gone at all. It had taken hours to work himself up enough, to talk himself into going. So he'd gone at two in the morning, and Naruto had answered his door in his pyjamas with an adorably sleepy and disgruntled expression on his face. He really was cute sometimes...

But Kakashi had apologized. He'd said he was sorry (and he really was – his entire being ached when he thought of how close his Chidori had been to Naruto's heart). Then Naruto told him to just let it go, to forget about it. How the hell could Kakashi forget it? He'd nearly killed a comrade, a lover, _Naruto_. There was no way Kakashi could forget about that! So he'd told Naruto that, but Naruto was adamant about forgetting the whole thing and Kakashi wouldn't forget. Naruto was still alive, unlike Kakashi's old team, and Kakashi wouldn't forget about Naruto so long as he lived. Naruto was still here, still alive and breathing, and Kakashi would do anything... but Naruto misinterpreted him. Naruto started shouting, and Kakashi couldn't help but fight back. When Naruto told him to leave, Kakashi had left. There was no way he could argue his point with Naruto looking like that, with the rush of their fight filling his veins with adrenalin. He'd have to come back later.

* * *

He'd gone back later, after team practice and after Kakashi had learned something about Naruto's time outside of Konoha. They fought again. Kakashi had ruined that meeting, botched it like he'd feared he would. He just... he hadn't been able to say what he meant to say. He'd wanted to tell Naruto that he still loved him, even if Naruto wasn't in Hisoka's body. Man or woman, Naruto was Naruto. Perhaps he'd been more mature as Hisoka, acted a bit more womanly, but now – three years later – Kakashi could see how much like her he really was. Naruto was kind and caring and loving. He took on responsibility for the emotions of others, always taking care of his friends and team-mates – even people he didn't know. He was still goofy and a bit slow sometimes (and perverted, apparently) but that just seemed to add to his personality. Naruto really was wonderful, and Kakashi had wanted to say so... but he hadn't been able to open his mouth.

He'd gotten to the apartment, he'd explained what he'd meant the night before, but he hadn't been able to say, "_I still love you_." Even though it was true. Even though Kakashi wanted to be with Naruto more than he'd wanted anything in his life. He still hadn't been able to say it, and he wasn't sure why. The words didn't even make it to his throat – hell, his mouth hadn't even tried to form the words. They were stuck in his chest, hanging on to his heart and weighing him down.

So instead he'd told Naruto how much better he could do than Kakashi. Kakashi had let his jealousy speak for him, telling Naruto how he felt his team-mates were closer to the blond, how Naruto would fall so much easier for someone younger and less scarred. Kakashi had tried to walk away, tried to leave before worse things were said, but Naruto wouldn't let him. He'd grabbed his arm, forced him back into the kitchen and told him he wouldn't be allowed to run away again.

Then Naruto had kissed him. It was aggressive, but it was... Kakashi had been waiting a long time to feel those lips on him again. And rather than continue kissing him, Naruto had given him Icha Icha to read! He'd been forced to read about Naruto's time with some random stranger. But... but Naruto told that woman that he still had someone he loved at home. And when Kakashi had asked, Naruto admitted that he still loved Kakashi.

It might have had something to do with the new Icha Icha. It might have been how embarrassed Naruto was to find out that people knew he'd inspired the novel, and how aroused Anko had gotten when she'd found that out. Naruto had probably thought she'd been joking when she'd asked him to have sex with her – but Kakashi knew better. He could smell how much she wanted that. Kakashi hadn't wanted her to have it though. He hated that she knew about Naruto, hated Jiraiya for writing about him, hated Tsunade for not making sure there wasn't anybody listening before talking to Naruto and Jiraiya when they'd gotten back. Now all of Konoha knew how good of a lover Naruto was. All of Konoha probably wanted him. But none of them would treat him right – they'd just want sex, to be able to say they'd fucked the man who inspired Icha Icha. Kakashi just wanted Naruto... but how could he say that? How could _he_, a man fourteen years older than Naruto, compete with the younger generation? Especially now that they would want him, after reading that stupid Icha Icha. Yet, thinking of them – and thinking of them with Naruto – pissed Kakashi off. They would use Naruto. They would fuck him and leave him and brag about it. They wouldn't love him, or take care of him. They wouldn't wash his dishes or set his table.

But Kakashi had to know _why_. Why did Naruto still love him? Why had he become Hisoka again after they'd broken up? Why did Naruto let Kakashi have sex with him? Why did he find Kakashi worthy, after how he'd acted, after all he'd done?

Naruto answered honestly. And then he sat there in silence, waiting for Kakashi to speak, to say his piece. To tell him that he didn't love him, or that he loved him. But the silence wouldn't be broken by Kakashi. Kakashi couldn't even utter the words.

So when Naruto kicked him out again, he'd listened. He'd left, hoping to let Naruto cool off and then Kakashi could come back more prepared and finally say the words he'd been waiting three years to say (_"I love you, Naruto."_).

* * *

After the mission he went to the bar, hoping to find liquid courage – not the best kind, but effective nonetheless – and instead he found Naruto kissing some green-haired hussy. She was all over him, her tits melding into his chest, her pelvis pushing against his, her tongue sliding into his mouth, their lips touching. And Naruto let her! He let that fucking slut touch him – hell, he reciprocated! It made Kakashi _so mad_! When their gazes met for a fleeting second, Kakashi swore he saw something vindictive in Naruto's eyes, but then the blond turned away and Kakashi was left with the shadow of a doubt. Naruto wasn't vindictive. He was the sort of person who forgave his enemies and didn't hold on to hate. Yet Kakashi couldn't get the image out of his mind, so he followed them.

The slut dragged the blond down the road, yanking him to her apartment. Kakashi stood outside the building for an hour, telling himself to go home, to leave. If Naruto had gotten over him, then Kakashi would let him go. Kakashi loved Naruto, and if Naruto was happy with some stupid green-haired whore, then what could Kakashi say?

Then the screaming started.

Kakashi's instincts told him to find the victim when the first wail pierced the air. But it was followed by a moan, and Kakashi finally knew what was happening: the slut was a screamer. That thought upset him. What if Naruto preferred his partners to be mouthy? What if he liked loud sex? Kakashi wasn't loud at all; he made it a point to be quiet, knowing from first-hand experience how goddamn annoying loud sex was. Kakashi also couldn't help but liken the screams to the sounds of someone dying or in pain. Every time Kakashi heard someone scream, they were either or both, so he hated screamers. Maybe the screaming turned Naruto on though? Maybe he liked the thought of a little pain? What if he did? Kakashi hated it. Sex and pain shouldn't go together at all. Pain was business, pleasure leisure. Pain during sex also made Kakashi think of being raped. He'd never had it happen to him, but he'd seen it being done. It hadn't been pleasant, and he never wanted to experience anything like it. But maybe Naruto liked being hurt or hurting others during sex. Kakashi hoped not. In a life full of violence, there ought to be _some_ softer moments of reprieve.

Naruto was probably going to get a lot more propositions, especially after accepting this one. There'd probably be a line-up of people, men and women, wanting a piece of him. How would Kakashi feel if that were to happen? He already couldn't stand the thought. The green-haired slut was bad enough. Kakashi wanted to tear her to pieces, to kill her in the worst possible way after telling her that Naruto was _his_.

Kakashi really should leave. He was leaking out KI, he realized. If he stayed much longer ANBU would surround him and demand to know what the hell the matter was with him. Kakashi had already had to spend five months locked up for psych reasons; he didn't plan on spending any more time in confinement. He couldn't let Naruto do this again though. He didn't want to see his lover with anyone else.

Which led him to waiting in Naruto's empty apartment. He left the lights off and sat on the sofa, prepared to wait all night.

He didn't actually have to wait long, considering he'd expected to be there until morning. At around four in the morning Naruto came home, quietly entering and locking up behind himself. Kakashi forced himself not to laugh when the blond yelped in surprise when he spoke, but it was a close call. Then they fought once more, only this time Kakashi didn't much like it at all. The pained look on Naruto's face hurt him worse than the spoken words. Until Naruto said he'd fuck whoever he wanted to. At that moment, all the pain disappeared from Kakashi's heart and was replaced with anger. He punched Naruto. Never before had Kakashi resorted to violence, but hearing Naruto say he'd have sex with whomever he wanted... Kakashi hated the thought of his lover with anyone else. No matter that he'd tried to push Naruto towards someone younger.

Still, it was nice to known Naruto was jealous of Anko. That Naruto mentioned her meant Kakashi had a chance, because Naruto wouldn't be jealous unless he still had feelings for Kakashi.

The violence got worse, however, when Naruto announced that all Kakashi was good for was leaving. Because Kakashi never abandoned his comrades. That was his nindo. So he went to punch Naruto again and was shocked when Naruto caught his fist. The blond had gotten a lot faster in his absence. But not fast enough to surprise an expectant Kakashi, who caught the fist flying at him. Kakashi was getting angrier, wanting to really hurt Naruto because _Kakashi never abandoned his comrades_! To even accuse him of leaving, to say that it was all he was good for... Naruto must have really been angry to say something he _knew_ would hurt Kakashi.

Kakashi slammed his lover into the counter, watching with satisfaction as Naruto's head banged against the cupboards. That had to have hurt.

Any satisfaction he felt immediately left when he looked in Naruto's eyes and saw how glazed they had become. They were blank for a moment, and then foggy and unfocussed. Kakashi realized, an impossibly frigid sensation filling his chest, that he'd really hurt Naruto. Head wounds were serious, and he'd just slammed the blond's head into the cupboard.

"Goodnight," Naruto slurred.

"Shit, Naruto!" he cried in a panic. His eye fell upon the cupboard and he cursed when he saw one of the handles covered in blood. Naruto's head must have hit it! "Fuck!" he cursed, crouching down and gathering the unconscious blond into his arms. He hurried out the door, closing but not locking it, and when he got out of the building he immediately hopped onto a roof and sped off towards the hospital. He hoped Naruto would be okay. ...Tsunade was going to kill Kakashi for this.

* * *

Kakashi paced. Up and down the hallway, over and over. His mind was at a standstill, unable to think. The only thing going through his head was that unfocused, fuzzy smile Naruto had given him before he'd fallen unconscious. It was a sweet smile, but it wasn't a smile Naruto would have given Kakashi had he been able to think clearly. Hisoka had smiled at Kakashi like that in the moments she'd been about to fall asleep after sex. And now Naruto had looked at Kakashi like that – but only because he was concussed and confused, unable to remember their fight.

"What the hell happened?"

Kakashi whirled around and stared at an angry Tsunade who'd just come out of Naruto's room. Her eyes were fierce as she glared at Kakashi.

"I swear to Kami, if you try to kill him again I will lock you away."

"Hokage-sama," Kakashi greeted and bowed stiffly.

"Enough of that bullshit! Tell me what the hell happened! Did you do this to him?"

"Will he be alright?" Kakashi asked rather than answer her questions. If he answered and she didn't like what he told him, then he might not find out how Naruto was. He _needed_ to know.

Tsunade eyed him, a frown marring her young features, but after a couple of minutes she seemingly deemed him worthy of knowing and nodded, "He's got a brain injury, mild or moderate, I'm not entirely sure. I stopped the bleeding and made sure his brain wouldn't swell up, so he'll be fine. I don't expect him to wake for a few hours at least, and when he does he's going to have a headache. He might get sick, be confused, be unable to speak properly, feel weak or numb, have seizures... I don't know. Most likely the Kyuubi will make sure he doesn't experience the worst symptoms, but I can't say for sure. Nothing's certain until he wakes up. Head injuries are dangerous, Hatake, you know that. Now tell me why the back of his head was smashed in."

Kakashi swallowed and nervously clenched his fists in his pockets. "We were arguing, and then we fought. I slammed him into his cupboards and he hit his head against one of the handles. I didn't mean to hurt him..."

"I think you did mean to hurt him," Tsunade said quietly, fiercely. "You're a jounin, one of my best jounin, and angry or not you would have taken in your surroundings."

"I didn't mean for him to hit his head on the handle!"

"Maybe not, but you did want to hurt him. Accidents only happen with genin, stupid chunin, and jounin when they're using new techniques. You've never tried out a new technique on a comrade."

"Okay! So maybe I _did_ want to hurt him! But I didn't mean to – to bash his head in!"

"And why should I believe that, when you've already tried to shove a fully-formed Chidori through his chest?"

"That was different! I wasn't thinking clearly!"

"As opposed to now, when you were obviously completely in control of yourself."

"No! Tsunade-sama, I wouldn't – there's no way I'd try to hurt him!"

"You didn't try, Hatake, you _did_ hurt him. Brain injuries are dangerous. You could have killed him, or paralyzed him, or made him mentally retarded. If it weren't for the Kyuubi, you might have done either of those things."

Kakashi sunk to his knees and shook his head in denial, "I _wouldn't_! I _love_ him!"

Tsunade snorted, "Funny way of showing it."

"I didn't mean to – I don't know what happened!"

"Save the begging for him. You're lucky I care so much about Naruto, or I'd _permanently_ get rid of you. I won't do anything until he wakes up – but know this: if he wakes up and wants nothing to do with you, then you'll never see him again. I'll assign you to an outpost on the outskirts of Fire Country or in some backwater region of another nation. And if you hurt him like this again, I'll kill you. Are we clear?"

"Yes, Tsunade-sama."

"Good."

Then she was gone, walking away without saying another word to him. Kakashi stayed kneeling on the ground, musing over her words. Honestly, he was surprised that she hadn't killed him already. If he'd been Hokage and someone had hurt Naruto, they would be eviscerated. He was thankful that Tsunade hadn't done anything like that to him. Her threat hadn't been empty though. If Naruto woke and wanted nothing to do with Kakashi, then Kakashi would probably never see Konoha again. He'd never see Naruto again.

Kakashi would never let that happen.

He stood and went into Naruto's hospital room, pausing in the doorway. The blond laid in bed, white sheets making his pale skin stand out more. He was covered in wires and surrounded by machines. Kakashi froze at the sight of him. He'd never seen Naruto look so helpless before, so pale and unhealthy. It looked as though all his colour was gone. His skin had lost its tan lustre, his hair its golden sheen. He was pale and his hair was washed-out. Kakashi could barely see the movement of his chest as it rose and fell with his breaths.

He'd done this. He'd hurt Naruto. How could he have done that? He loved Naruto. Why had he wanted to hurt him? Some petty want for revenge? Anger at his words? ("_Just fucking leave! That's all you're good for anyway!_")

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that he'd hurt Naruto.

He entered the room and slumped into the chair that sat beside the blond's bedside. He stared gloomily at his unconscious lover. "I'm sorry," he said, "I'm _so_ sorry. I never meant for you to hit your head like that. I wanted to hurt you, but not like this. Nothing so serious. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. Why couldn't I just tell you that I still love you? Every time I tried to say it, it wouldn't come out. I'm not... there are so many people who are better than I am, who are kinder and more considerate, who would never hurt you even if they were angry. But I don't want you to be with them, even if it would be better for you, because... because I want you to be with me. Because I love you and I'm selfish and I hated seeing you with that stupid green-haired slut and everyone's going to want you now, after Icha Icha, and I won't stand a chance."

"You're... so stupid, Kakashi."

Kakashi flinched away from his lover, nearly tipping his chair over. He could have sworn Naruto had spoken. His lips had moved and a hoarse, slurred voice had left his throat. But he wasn't supposed to wake for a few hours, Tsunade had said! Did she lie? Or had Naruto just woken up earlier than expected? "Naruto?"

"Aa."

"I should get a nurse. Tsunade-sama said you wouldn't be up for hours at least. Are you hurting? Do you need something? I should get water! Do you want water?"

Naruto huffed out a laugh, his eyes opening and trying to focus on Kakashi. But Kakashi saw how they were slightly clouded, still a bit fuzzy and out of focus. "Kakashi," Naruto began.

"I should get a nurse!" Kakashi said again.

"Shut up and sit down, you idiot!" Naruto exclaimed, though the words came out a bit garbled.

Kakashi sat back down.

Naruto tried to sit up, but he couldn't seem to find the strength for it and so fell back onto the bed with a loud sigh. He turned his head to face Kakashi instead and asked softly, "Did you mean that?"

"What?"

"Do you... do you love me?"

"Yes," Kakashi answered in a quiet whisper.

Naruto smiled, a small, sweet smile that brightened his face even as his eyes closed. "I'm glad."

"I'm sorry I hurt you again."

Naruto snorted softly, "I hurt you first."

Kakashi didn't reply, because it was true. Naruto might not have sent him into the hospital, but he had still hurt Kakashi with his callous words (Kakashi _wouldn't_ leave...).

"I love you, too," Naruto told him quietly, that sweet smile still tugging at the corner of his lips.

Naruto's hand stretched out slowly and shakily towards Kakashi, and Kakashi grabbed it with his own, cradling it gently. He pressed a kiss to the blond's hand, his lips lingering on the warm skin he could feel through his mask. He smiled against the back of his hand and watched as Naruto finally stopped fighting to stay awake and quietly fell asleep. Maybe things would turn out. Maybe he and Kakashi could still be together. Kakashi sure hoped so.


	19. The Perfect Beginning

**A Perfect Beginning**

When Naruto woke again, he was alone. He couldn't stop the pang of disappointment that filled him when he felt his chilled hand resting by itself on the blankets and when he spotted the empty chair by his bedside. Had it been a dream? Maybe Kakashi hadn't been there after all? Naruto held back the sadness that wanted to break through; there was no point in being depressed about it. If Kakashi hadn't really come to see him, hadn't really confessed his feelings to Naruto... well, Naruto had already promised himself that he'd leave Kakashi alone if that was what the man wanted.

"So you're finally awake."

Naruto twitched slightly in surprise and turned his head to face the door of his hospital room. Tsunade stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. Her eyes studied his form and flicked towards the machines he was connected to. "How are you feeling? Headaches? Confusion? Fatigue? Pain?"

"I feel fine," he said. "My head still hurts a bit, but it feels more like you flicked me with your pinky than I got a kunai slammed into the back of my skull."

"It wasn't a kunai though, right? If that brat lied to me..."

"Kakashi?"

She nodded, "He brought you in last night. There was a fissure in your skull, but I mended the bone and kept your brain from swelling – the Kyuubi did the rest."

"So I can go?"

"I'm not releasing you until this afternoon – that's four hours, Naruto. No escaping until then. I heard Kakashi's version of what happened last night. Now I want to know what you've got to say. And don't you dare lie to me."

Naruto stared at the ceiling, avoiding his pseudo-sister's eyes as he thought about what to say. He couldn't say anything that would get Kakashi in trouble, but he also couldn't lie to the Hokage, sister or not. He sighed and began, "He did smash me into the cupboards, and he did want to hurt me. I admit that. But I know that he _didn't_ mean to cause any lasting damage or to hurt me badly enough that I would need to come here."

"He implied the same," Tsunade said neutrally.

Naruto nodded and continued, "Well, it's true. We were fighting and I said some things I shouldn't have said – things I knew would hurt him – and he was only reacting to that. Maybe he should have been paying more attention to where he was pushing me, but he was probably too angry to really focus on anything but punching me in the face."

Tsunade sighed and sat down heavily in the chair beside his bed. "You know, Naruto, I'm going to have to take you or him off your team if this continues. I know the two of you have a bad history, but your skills and the skills of your team-mates make you an invaluable asset to Konoha. But if you can't solve this without trying to kill each other – intentionally or not – I'm going to have to separate you. One last chance. That's all I'm giving you. Either you fix this without violence or you pretend to have never met each other before being placed on the team. I won't have you getting killed on the field because of some stupid scuffle between comrades."

Naruto nodded and she smiled sadly at him before patting his head gently and leaving the room. So he had one last chance, huh? Either get along or never work together again – and if they didn't work together, Naruto had no doubt that his and Kakashi's missions would be _coincidentally_ timed to keep them apart. Naruto would get along. He would act as though nothing was wrong. Because the thought of never seeing Kakashi hurt more than his belief that the man's confession had been nothing more than a dream.

* * *

Team Genma continued to meet for training and for missions. Everyone on the team had noticed that something strange was still going on between Kakashi and Naruto, but while Sasuke and Sakura had asked Naruto about it, they hadn't pushed him when he didn't say anything. So now, while their missions were all successful, and their training pushed them beyond their limits into bettering themselves, there was a kind of tension and distance radiating from Kakashi and Naruto that spread throughout the rest of the team. It felt like the calm before the storm, which aggravated Naruto beyond reason. Hadn't he and Kakashi said everything they were going to say? Hadn't they already fought enough? And if that confession hadn't been a dream, though it must have because Kakashi never said a word about it, then why didn't Kakashi say something, _anything_?

The waiting was killing Naruto. Instead of hanging out with his team-mates, which he would have normally done during the free time they had between missions and training, he ran. He sprinted around Konoha, making forty laps around the hidden village in the time it would have taken him to do ten when he'd been twelve. The hours passed as the scenery flew by, but he never felt any better. Thoughts of Kakashi continued to swirl around his head, memories and suspicions and thoughts and _emotions_. He collapsed into a heap half-way through the forty-first lap and just stayed on the ground. His breath came out in pants and gasps, trying to fill his lungs and oxygenate his blood. Yet, no matter how much air he sucked in, it still felt as though he were suffocating. Obviously it wasn't the running that was causing this...

Kakashi hadn't said a Kami-damned word to him in the two weeks since he'd left the hospital. Naruto felt like he couldn't breathe, having to see Kakashi nearly every day and never being acknowledged. Something had to give, and Naruto felt like it was him. He couldn't take it anymore. He was done. Being on Team Genma... it'd been like a dream come true, working with his old team and the man he was in love with. Except it wasn't, it was a nightmare. It was tense and awkward and Naruto was suffocating. How was he supposed to breathe when the air was so heavy?

Naruto decided, then and there, that he was going to leave. He couldn't take it anymore. Working with Kakashi was too painful, too distracting. Naruto would get killed or get one of his team-mates killed with the way he was acting. So he went to Tsunade and requested to be put on a different team.

"What do you mean you want another team?" she demanded. "Did Hatake do something to you?"

"No, he's been nothing but professional."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Look, you said they were your best team when I came back, so obviously they can get on fine without me. I'm tired of being around Kakashi; everything's so tense. We haven't fought at all – I swear we haven't, so don't look at me like that! – but he hasn't said a word to me unless he's had to. It's awful and it's distracting me and the rest of the team."

"So you want another team? You're giving up? Just like that?"

"Yes."

Tsunade shifted in her chair, flipping through files on her desk, and then she shook her head and told him, "I don't have any other openings. The only thing I could do right now is send you on solo missions or put you in ANBU. I don't think you're ready for ANBU yet, and you can't legally enter any division except infiltration and seduction. Only those who've been jounin for a year are legible to enter the others, and it's only been over a month since you passed your Jounin Exam."

"I could probably do it," he mused. "Infiltration, I mean. My Henge is perfect for something like that. Jiraiya told me it's shape-shifting, not bending the light to create an image like the normal Henge does. Mine's a real, physical change."

"I don't want you in infiltration and seduction."

"I don't have to do the seduction part – though I'd probably be good at that now – but I'm practically made for infiltration, and Jiraiya trained me in that and spying. He said I might eventually be able to take over his spy network for him."

"Naruto, if you were to work in infiltration, you would have to put all your other training on hold. You wouldn't be able to train as hard as you do now, and you'd be away from the village for long periods of time – months and years, Naruto."

"I'm fine with that," he said stubbornly.

"You might be fine with it, brat, but I'm not. And Jiraiya's told me that Akatsuki are going to be making their move within the year. We can't afford to let you slack off on your training – you have to be ready to face them when they come for you."

"But if I'm in infiltration, then I'd be hidden! They wouldn't be able to find me at all!" he said fiercely, trying to convince Tsunade. If she let him do it, then he could leave Konoha. He wouldn't have to see Kakashi anymore, wouldn't have to feel that ache in his chest as the man refused to talk to him.

"Naruto, these are S-ranked criminals! If they want to find you, they will! We barely know anything about them, not their goals in gathering the bijuu, not the names and abilities of every member – but we _do_ know that they have Uchiha Itachi. That kid's a genius at seeing through things and finding out secrets. You can't hide anything from that kid – nobody every could."

"Fine," he said, "then I'll just do solo missions."

"I don't really want you out on your own anymore, not when they could strike at any time."

"You _said_, you _promised_ me that I could if I wanted to! And what happened to pulling me off the team if Kakashi and I fought again?"

"Honestly, I would have pulled Kakashi off the team."

"But – argh! Nee-chan, you can't do that to him!"

"I can, and if you can't work together, then I will."

"Fine! We work fine together. Our missions are successful. There isn't any reason to separate the team. I'll see you later, Hokage-sama."

"Naruto!" Tsunade shouted after him, but he was already out the window and halfway down the street. Of course his sister wouldn't let him run away, no matter how much he wanted to at the moment.

* * *

The next day found Naruto running once more. He circled the village over and over again, legs pumping speedily beneath him. He didn't use his chakra to run when he did this, because it wouldn't help him build his speed and strength. Chakra could enhance both, yes, but the stronger his body was, the more powerful he'd be when he put chakra into it. Lee had taught him that, showing him that one didn't need chakra to move swiftly and hit strongly. Chakra could augment it, though, if need be.

He was just making his twentieth lap around the walls when he spotted someone joining him from the corner of his eye. He stumbled for a moment, eyes widening as he took in the familiar shape beside him, but he quickly shook himself out of his stupor and continued running with his new companion. Kakashi ran beside him soundlessly, staring at the path ahead. Naruto could almost pretend that he was still Hisoka and that Kakashi was running alongside his lover. But it wasn't true, and Kakashi didn't even look at Naruto as he ran. Despite this, their legs moved in tandem, their arms held to their sides in a similar manner. They moved together without needing to look at one another, their forms matching and their speed equally as fast.

Naruto couldn't help but think that they moved as one, even if they might no longer completed each other the way they had before. The next twenty laps seemed to fly by as they moved, and Naruto felt at peace for the first time since he'd returned to Konoha. Running with Kakashi had always been something special. The energy he expended seemed to return to him, making him feel lighter and faster. It felt wonderful, as though Kakashi's mere presence was a source of energy.

The great oak tree marking the end of their run came into view, and Naruto couldn't keep his eyes from sliding to Kakashi, wondering if they would keep up with tradition. When he realized that Kakashi was looking at him from the corner of his eye, he knew that their tradition would not be broken. He grinned, feeling anticipation build within him, and then he both felt and saw the moment Kakashi's feet glowed and pulsed with chakra. Naruto expelled chakra from his feet as well and pulled up beside the now sprinting Kakashi, chakra flowing through their legs and out of their feet as they ran.

They raced, neither able to pull any length ahead. They reached the oak at the same time, hands splaying across the bark as they both shouted, "First!" They shared a look, glaring competitively at one another, and then fell down laughing as they realized how attuned their actions were. It was easy to forget that they hadn't done that in three years, easy to forget that they hadn't been speaking to each other in weeks. With the same adrenalin rushing through their veins, and the familiar environment, it was easy to forget that they weren't still lovers.

Eventually they stopped laughing and regained their breath, the two of them lying side by side staring at the green canopy above and the sunshine flitting through the leaves, bathing them in warmth. Naruto closed his eyes with a smile and sighed contentedly. "I missed this," he hummed.

When Kakashi didn't say anything in reply, Naruto opened his eyes and turned his head to see what the man was doing. He was rather startled to see Kakashi lying on his side directly beside Naruto, his head propped up on his fist as he stared intently at the blond. His eye was unreadable, but his gaze was heavy and Naruto's Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped. Then that dark eye darted down to his parted lips and Naruto gasped. Was Kakashi thinking about kissing him? He bit his bottom lip nervously and met the man's eye. Kakashi's other hand pulled down his mask and Naruto stared wide-eyed at his handsome face. Was he really showing Naruto (_Naruto_, and not _Hisoka_) his face? That same hand brushed sweaty blond locks off his forehead and gently slid down to cup his cheek. Kakashi's thumb brushed gently along his tanned cheek and then he tilted Naruto's head to the side and his eye flashed down to Naruto's parted lips once more before sliding closed as their lips finally met.

The kiss was soft and gentle, nothing more than the brushing of lips, but when Kakashi pulled away, Naruto was breathless. He gasped and clenched the grass between his fingers, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked repeatedly. He stared at the man leaning above him in disbelief. A sly smirk pulled along Kakashi's lips and the man leaned down again, pressing their lips together once more. This time he lingered and let their breaths mingle, his own steady and strong, and Naruto's quick and sharp. He kissed Naruto again, this time applying more pressure. Naruto finally reacted, his hands flying up to Kakashi's head and burying themselves in his silver hair, tugging him closer as he kissed the man heatedly. Their mouths moved against each other, innocently passionate until a tongue darted out and swept along Naruto's upper lip. The blond sucked in a sharp breath and parted his lips, allowing Kakashi to deepen the kiss. Just as Naruto gave in, Kakashi pulled away. Naruto's eyes opened slowly to meet with Kakashi's as the man stared down at him. That dark eye flew across Naruto's face, taking in the flushed cheeks, dazed eyes, and stupid smile.

The silence was heavy again, but this time Naruto didn't mind so much. He just smiled and waited, feeling content now that he'd been kissed.

"So do you... want to go you with me, Naruto?" Kakashi asked, his voice sounding just as awkward as it had when he'd asked Hisoka the same question all those years ago.

Naruto's silly smile turned into a beaming grin and he wrapped his arms around Kakashi and pulled the man into a tight hug. "What do you think, idiot?"

"Ruto-chan, you'll hurt my feelings if you call me names," Kakashi teased.

"Pff!" Naruto huffed, "don't call me 'Ruto-chan', that makes me sound so stupid!"

"You _are_ stupid."

"I am not!"

"I confessed to you and you didn't even talk to me afterwards."

"What! But – but I thought that was a dream!"

Kakashi raised his eyebrows and stared at him incredulously, "A dream? I tell you I love you and you think it's a _dream?_"

"Well," Naruto squirmed as he defended himself, "I fell asleep right after, and you weren't there when I woke up. And _you_ were the one who didn't talk to _me_ after!"

"I was just waiting for you to say something!"

"And _I _ was waiting for _you_ to say something!"

Kakashi gave him a deadpan stare, which Naruto returned with a defensive, accusatory look. When they realized that they'd both been waiting for the same thing for _weeks_, and they'd both been getting incredibly frustrated by the lack of communication, they snorted and started laughing again.

"Ah, I can't believe it! You're such an idiot," Naruto laughed.

"So are you," Kakashi returned.

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto muttered, pressing his face into Kakashi's shoulder as he hugged the man.

"So you never did answer my question..."

Naruto looked at Kakashi in askance, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

Kakashi sighed and smacked his arm, "I asked if you'd go out with me!"

"Oh right!"

"Well?"

"Hm... I don't know..." Naruto taunted.

"Naruto!" Kakashi growled.

"Okay, okay!" the blond laughed. "Ah, Kakashi, calm down! Of course I will! I love you, you big idiot. You know that."

"Hmph, see if I want to go out with you now."

"Awe, don't be like that, Kashi-chan!"

"Hey, who said you could call me that?"

"Psh, if you can call me 'Ruto-chan', I can definitely call you 'Kashi-chan'!"

"No '-chan'," Kakashi said. "I don't mind the 'Kashi' bit, but I won't be called '-chan' like some cutesy little girl."

"Awe, but you are a cute little girl..."

"Naruto," he said dangerously.

"Ah, just kidding, honest, Kakashi-sama!"

"Hm, that's more like it," Kakashi grinned, lying back on the grass with his arms crossed behind his head.

Naruto snorted and muttered, "Of course you'd like that."

Kakashi just smiled, keeping his eyes closed and looking content. They laid there quietly for a while, just enjoying the other's presence, until Naruto finally spoke up, sounding out his fear. "You know," Naruto admitted quietly, "I was really afraid that you wouldn't want me anymore, now that I'm Naruto and not Hisoka."

Kakashi cracked his eye open and stared at him silently before answering softly, "I thought I might not, because you're still so young, but then I saw you when you got back... Naruto, you might not be Hisoka, but everything I loved about her, everything that made me want her, I saw in you. Stronger, even. You're much better than she ever was; you're whole, and true. I never noticed it, but Hisoka always held something back – now I know she was holding _you_ back. You're... you're you, Naruto, a complete person, not just the fragment of one like she was."

"Then... then you don't miss her? You don't... think of her... when you're with me?"

Kakashi shook his head, pulling Naruto into his arms and kissing his head affectionately. Naruto smiled again, thinking about how lucky he was to have someone like Kakashi – at least, he thought that until a mischievous glint entered the man's eye and Kakashi said innocently, "Except... you know, I think I might miss how flexible she was... I remember this one time she did the ballerina: standing up with one of her legs pulled up in the perfect splits while I thrust into her..."

Naruto's face reddened and he pulled away from Kakashi, hitting him and crying out, "Pervert!"

His lover just laughed and wiggled his eyebrows before asking him if he'd like to give it a try in his male body. "It'd probably be just as hot and feel just as good," he tried to persuade. When Naruto crossed his arms and turned away, nose in the air, Kakashi turned his persuasion into a taunting challenge: "Unless, of course, you aren't that flexible anymore?"

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the challenge and shouted impulsively, "I'll show you!" Then he grabbed his lover and the two vanished in a puff of smoke.

* * *

The next day Kakashi showed up to team training three hours late, and Naruto was nowhere in sight. His team-mates turned to look at him questioningly and Genma asked him, "Where's Naruto? Tsunade-sama said he'd probably be with you today."

"Maa, he pulled his hamstring last night," Kakashi told him, grinning beneath his mask and giving his team-mates an innocent and happy eye-smile.

Yeah, Naruto wasn't as flexible as he'd been when he was younger and in a female body, but honestly... Kakashi didn't really mind. The sex was actually better than it'd been before, now that Naruto had nothing to fear: he could completely let himself go, no longer needing to withhold anything, and just be himself. Kakashi would still have to persuade him into trying out every position they'd ever done. Just to see if he still had it in him, of course. Who knows what Naruto could still do, after all? Kakashi would have to test him...

Kakashi grinned beneath his mask, already planning out how he'd manipulate his blond lover into trying the more outrageous positions he'd previously rejected trying out. Yeah, Naruto would give in eventually. All Kakashi would have to do was lament the loss of this or that, challenge him, and the blond would do just about anything. He chuckled, ignoring the suspicious and dubious looks his team-mates were giving him. This was the perfect beginning to a new and exciting relationship. Naruto was lucky the Kyuubi could heal him so quickly – otherwise, he'd probably never walk again. Not with the things Kakashi had in mind; they had to make up for lost time, after all.

* * *

**The Last AN: That's the end of the story! **Wow, I can't believe I actually finished that! 54,106 words... Damn, that's quite the number, eh?

Well, there you go, a happy ending! I didn't put sex in it because, well, it felt pointless to me. It'd be porn and it wouldn't really showcase anything that you didn't already know or see or feel. I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who wanted or expected another lemon; I tried to write it, putting it after Naruto Shunshins them away, but it was forced and unnatural. It wasn't the emotional event or character portrayal I apparently like the sex I write to be. If you look back on the two scenes I wrote, I think you'll notice how much they say about Kakashi and Naruto (at least I hope you will). In my opinion, that scene with Maiko really shows how different Naruto is when he returns to Konoha, especially if you compare it to the sex between Hisoka and Kakashi. My sex scenes are supposed to say something - they aren't just supposed to, eh, get your rocks off (though I hope they had _some_ affect, of course! ;P).

I like the way I finished this, ending it full circle with Naruto and Kakashi starting a new relationship in the same place and way Hisoka and Kakashi's began (you should have felt some déjà-vu there). They get to start afresh, with Naruto finally knowing/accepting who he is.

I won't be writing a sequel, if anyone plans on asking. To me, this story is over. The whole point of it was exploring identity and relationships, which I did. I hope this ending satisfies at least some of you. (I know, I know, you wanted another lemon...) But honestly, I hope it leaves you feeling like it's complete. I hate when a story ends and I'm left feeling like something else should have happened, leaving me completely unsatisfied. So hopefully I didn't do that.

Anyway, I'd just like to thank everyone who's reviewed and Favourited and Followed and Communitied this story. You've all been such a great inspiration for me. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: _you're_ the reason I finished this story. Oh, sure, writing it was a lot of fun and I gained some experience and style in doing it, but if it weren't for the fact that you guys were expecting and hoping for more, encouraging me with every review, I never would have kept going. I'm the sort of person who tends to start and not finish things because she's afraid they'll never be good enough. But despite the fact that this story could be better written, better planned... I actually finished it. I faced the anxiety of posting new chapters and reading new reviews, and for once I had a story that I wasn't done writing before publishing - and I _completed_ it. Maybe that doesn't sound like an impressive thing to you... but to me it means more than I can say. So I thank you for giving me the courage to carry on despite my fears. You're all wonderful people. Thank you.


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